[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm waiting for my pdoc to call me to assess whatever is going on after she and my therapist communicated Thursday/Friday. Psychosis seems likely. My brain is firing all over the place and I have begun to think of my brain as a separate entity, something with its' own powers abilities. It feels like my brain is attacking me.

Some of that I do believe although I can see it is a little different. But I refuse to believe that I am having these thoughts that torment me; I haven't ever had anything like this before and I just know it's not really my brain doing this. It is my brain attacking me. My brain is not part of me anymore. It's an uninvited parasite.

There are delusions that once convinced otherwise I'm ok with. Some I haven't told anyone about.

But the thing that doesn't make sense is that I am aware that my thoughts are abnormal. I tried to type what I was thinking to show my therapist but it's too fast and I can't focus.

So can you be aware that the psychotic thoughts are not quite right (at least a portion of them) and still have psychosis?

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. That's a good question! I hope someone else can answer it.

I'd like to say that you're not psychotic if you know it's not real.

But I have to admit that if you think your brain is a separate entity you're probably psychotic, if you believe it one hundred percent.

(I'm talking psychotic as far as delusions go.)

[Victoria'smom]

Yes I do it all the time "knowing" I'm wrong but "thinking" I'm right. It's when my thoughts line up I get scared. Please tell your therapist or pdoc they can help you think through your thoughts.

[UpDownAround]

There are times when I am doing okay outwardly but thinking if people could see the world from my perspective and hear the commentary going on inside my head I would be locked up for sure. I have a couple of delusions that I believe (at the time) but know others will not. It's semantics, but I had someone tell me that possibility of truth was a factor in whether a delusion was psychosis or not. For example, my most common delusion of immortality is not possible but believing your actual father is someone famous who was alive and past puberty at the time of your conception is a delusion that is possible.

Yes, I've been psychotic and been in and out of awareness. My husband would convince me for a moment it wasn't real but then all the "proof" would continue to add up and I couldn't see through it....I was in s constant state of panic as even when I saw it wasn't real, it still felt very real. (((Hugs)))

[jacky8807]

it's a tough question
there is psychosis aka "the tv is talking to me"
to me that's a total break of reality

It's always been my opinion and my Dr opinion if you know it's fake then it's not psychosis. but many ppl here disagree so idk

[rwwff]

I think folks can get hung up on the words "know", "think", and "believe", as proof of psychosis; but the real question is whether the irrational thought pattern is causing you distress or interfering with function.

The way I describe my paranoia, is that I completely believe "A", but I know it has no rational basis. I also know that the abilify mostly makes it go away. So basically, as long as I can act counter to what I believe, and take the med, the symptom should remain suppressed.

And treatment of symptoms, isn't that what it's all about?

[jacky8807]

then again I have issues I categorize as "wierd thoughts "
where the voice in the back of my head says "that's not true" but the thoughts remain skewed

[wildflowerchild25]

I once felt something similar, that my brain was trying to kill me. I "knew" this probably couldn't be, but I felt it so intensely. Every time I've been psychotic some little part of me was saying "now wait a minute". But I still had psychosis, even though I was aware of it. Same thing with mania. Even when I'm manic out of my mind, I know that it isn't my true state of being. Maybe I'm just very self aware. But I think you can have psychosis and at the same time know it's not real.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

it's a tough question
there is psychosis aka "the tv is talking to me"
to me that's a total break of reality

It's always been my opinion and my Dr opinion if you know it's fake then it's not psychosis. but many ppl here disagree so idk

My TV was talking to me once and playing music that I'd never heard before yet I still knew it wasn't real.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

then again I have issues I categorize as "wierd thoughts "
where the voice in the back of my head says "that's not true" but the thoughts remain skewed

I have those quite a lot, that is what my earlier comment was about"

if people could see the world from my perspective and hear the commentary going on inside my head I would be locked up for sure

In my case it is mostly urges to break/deface/destroy or steal things. I have not given in to the urges in many years, but they are still there. And there is sometimes the grandiose thinking.

Technically, if you don't believe it 100% then it's not a delusion, but an overvalued idea. Whether it is psychosis still or not is a gray area, depending on your pdoc. Personally I don't categorise psychosis as a black or white term, but more of a spectrum because people who have had psychosis before can often have more insight for longer the next time. Also people can have overvalued ideas and hallucinations that they're aware of as not real, and then, either gradually or suddenly, lose insight.

So what I'm saying is that even if it's not a full delusion and psychosis (as total loss of reality), it's still concerning and warrants further treatment and monitoring.

Also, lots of people externalise their problems as a psychological defense eg African tribes who see depression as a demon that needs the whole village to come together to exercise (I'm not referring to people who use this in a stigmatising or abusive way), but the idea is that it's not the person who has the demon's 'fault' or anything defective with them. So maybe your externalising your brain as 'other' and responsible for your current situation can also be viewed psychologically as a way to externalise your suffering and provide an adversary to fight against to get better. Just a thought. It may or may not resonate with you.

Anyway, I'm sorry that you're struggling so much and hope that you can feel better soon

*Willow*

[Wild Coyote]

I haven't much to add.

I am sorry you've been having a difficult time.

(((((( BeyondtheRainbow ))))))

I hope you feel better soon.


WC

[Sunflower123]

[*Laurie*]

Yes, there are degrees of psychosis. Sometimes we experience the psychosis, but know there's something unreal about it. Other times the psychosis is full-blown and we completely believe it.

[Moose72]

That makes me wonder: how many times have I had psychosis and not known?

[UpDownAround]

I have had incidents occur when I could have passed a lie detector test about something that didn't happen. Things that were trivial. Psychosis? Or just a dream that inserted itself as a memory?

[xRavenx]

I've questioned this too! The lines get blurred at times, between extreme anxiety vs. paranoia and/or delusions. There have been times I've had some paranoid delusions, where I have some awareness that it's likely my mind playing tricks on me. During those times, I seek out many people close to me for reassurance that what I'm thinking isn't real. For a couple of seconds I will believe them, or I'll have some idea that my thoughts are really exaggerated. The bad part is, shortly after receiving that reassurance, I'll go back to my original, paranoid belief system.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My TV was talking to me once and playing music that I'd never heard before yet I still knew it wasn't real.

then what we were experiencing were totally different things. mine was a total and complete break from reality where I didn't know everything that was happening was false which is what a delusion really is. it lasted days and was like I was hallucinating on an acid trip. I suppose there must be a middle grey area to all this. some psychotic features and then a total psychotic break where you believe the world you are living in is real.

[jacky8807]

for example I have hallucinate music , very complex music when manic but I knew it was not real. so that was a hallucination but not a break from reality

[jacky8807]

I would say complete psychosis falls along the lines of "I truly believe I am Jesus christ" and then there are probably lesser symptoms which fall into another area.

[sonjaward809]

From what I've been told, you can still have some insight when you're in a psychotic state. But eventually you will loose all insight and won't know what's real or not. It's best to seek treatment immediately so you don't progress to that stage.