[Slightlydelusional]

So I got out of fetal position depression and in FML depression but able to function and actually work a little more. This is great news, BUT..

I get paid in cash daily and for the third Monday in a row Ive gone into my main addiction and gambled. Its crazy as I dont even like to gamble anymore but I found myself each time around gambling as there are casinos everywhere around me.

Im still in so much pain and always lose my mind and think a few hours of poker will make me feel better and it will be ok...but it always ends BAD!

Im broke again and have to push paying off bills, but this is my last chance as if I dont get them paid next week Im ****ed. So Im going to work extra and pray my car holds up and can break the cycle and not gamble Monday when Im done working for the weekend.

Gamblers Anonymous does nothing for me, Im so frigging weak, but I hate ****ing gambling so much hat I know I can quit, and just have to be strong and even if put one month behind me I can at least pay my current bills and then starting knocking down debt.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're in that position. I hope your plan works out and you get up to speed quickly. Best wishes.

[hopeless2015]

I have a gambling addiction as well so I feel your pain! I went 3 weeks without gambling then played this weekwnd..won to so that just fuels the fire. I had to file bankruptcy and I'm still fighting my urges to gamble. It's getting a little better, like I don't gamble my whole paycheck away but I need to quit all together, just haven't got there yet. I understand!!

[Slightlydelusional]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're in that position. I hope your plan works out and you get up to speed quickly. Best wishes.

Thanks! My plans usually fail, but once-in-a-while they work. I may be going back home in September for a week or so and will try to set the goal to make it to then and get some great gains.

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I have a gambling addiction as well so I feel your pain! I went 3 weeks without gambling then played this weekwnd..won to so that just fuels the fire. I had to file bankruptcy and I'm still fighting my urges to gamble. It's getting a little better, like I don't gamble my whole paycheck away but I need to quit all together, just haven't got there yet. I understand!!

Wins always seem to be bad for me as I lose more time and go into gambling fantasy world.

Ive gone before without doing the whole paycheck thing, but Im rock bottom in every department in life and is like crack to me.

I went BK once and than 8 years later they turned my credit back on and ruined it again but have not gone BK a second time, but like 5 creditors are coming after me, with one credit card suing me. But I have some serious personal debt to friend and that is what matters the most.

Ugggg gambling whole check away is the worst!!!

[Slightlydelusional]

Ok great news!

I worked extra last few days to pay off my tax bill which is due the 15th. I normally dont work Mon, Tues, Wed but punished myself for gambling Mon morning.

I was SO tempted to go back today and gamble, but I paid the bill online bringing me back to being broke again, but its PAID and out of my life. I now can focus on the next set of bills this week. I feel a small victory and so glad broke as cant go spend and have to work to eat lol..

[bioChE]

That's great that you paid off your tax bill. Congrats!

[hopeless2015]

Good for you. You took control and took care of your tax bill. That's s victory!!

[Slightlydelusional]

Thanks BioChe and Hopeless!! I feel so good about getting it paid!

Today I was tempted to gamble but didnt and worked instead. So this is two good days in a row and clearly see that by being responsible the benefits are Im not in a gambling hangover and upset the next day.

Im coming out of a three month depression and the urge to gamble is strong, I need to keep abstaining, and will be a challenge as when working I have money coming in and so easy to divert, I guess I need to go one day at a time strong!

[Slightlydelusional]

I knew it would happen and I went gambling. It was yesterday and was pure insanity. I was triggered by the construction next to my house at 7 am. I started to work and found myself close to a casino and crumbled. The only thing that could of stopped it if I didnt have my ATM and a couple hundred in account. I need to stop carrying my ATM and just like 30 bucks cash for gas and food.

Anyway it was both horrible and terrific as I got a lot of action in off little money. I was up a chit-ton and was in total crackville. If I would of walked way up I would of solved a few problems but Im weak and want to break the casino.

But I lost most of it back, but made some purchases with winnings when I was in between casinos and walked away with my original money and a few extra bucks, BUT felt so horrible after and this morning. I cant believe I cant even enjoy a small win but I was up so much at one point it felt like a huge loss.

Its for the better as I have no desire to go back right now and usually this buys me a month before I crumble to it. Gives me to time to get stronger when Im angry about the habit and build walls to not gamble when the urge is back.

[Slightlydelusional]

bad news when totally crazy gambled like a crack addict down to last penny for almost full week.

Cant pay bills, but good news is Im on my second day sober and working full time hours which took me 4 months to build up to. Everyday Im sober is a victory as I get paid daily and need to be responsible.

I stopped carrying my ATM card with me and helped big time today, so lets hope to a great day three!

Im canceling my cable to punish myself, but is ok as need to focus on getting active too and not veg in front of TV.

[Goals2017]

Originally Posted by Slightlydelusional

bad news when totally crazy gambled like a crack addict down to last penny for almost full week.

Cant pay bills, but good news is Im on my second day sober and working full time hours which took me 4 months to build up to. Everyday Im sober is a victory as I get paid daily and need to be responsible.

I stopped carrying my ATM card with me and helped big time today, so lets hope to a great day three!

Im canceling my cable to punish myself, but is ok as need to focus on getting active too and not veg in front of TV.

Just curious what do you do for work?

[Slightlydelusional]

Originally Posted by Goals2017

Just curious what do you do for work?

Im doing Uber in a very busy city with good pay.

The problem is I can drive around for like 5 hours and have cash to gamble. Just cash it out right away.

The casinos are all over my city and the outskirts, its crazy, so I just crumble and go.

Having no ATM is great for not just walking into it and that is what I need to do. Plus pay my bills right away and keep like 50 for food.

I didnt work today as so tired from working this week and being a mess, BUT I didnt gamble today and gearing up to work a lot this weekend and knock some of the bills off and stay clean.

Is it possible or realistic to consider moving in the fear future? You have an illness....you are looking for relief and gambling momentarily provides endorphins. It's not weakness, it's an illness. Living so close is like trying to give up crack while living in a crack house. Very few could manage it. (((Hugs)))

[Cheyenne_Morton]

one step at a time I know you can do this !

[Woolly Bugger]

I wouldn't cancel my cable if I were you. Vegging in front of the TV is at least something to do. If you don't have that, you might get bored and be tempted to go out and gamble. Best of luck to you.

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

I wouldn't cancel my cable if I were you. Vegging in front of the TV is at least something to do. If you don't have that, you might get bored and be tempted to go out and gamble. Best of luck to you.

VERY start logic and I agree. At least for myself......TV might not seem like the most productive activity but it's a heck of a lot better than more risky activities.

[Slightlydelusional]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Is it possible or realistic to consider moving in the fear future? You have an illness....you are looking for relief and gambling momentarily provides endorphins. It's not weakness, it's an illness. Living so close is like trying to give up crack while living in a crack house. Very few could manage it. (((Hugs)))

Im gonna move cause I cant take the construction noise, but my lease is not up till Nov. But Ill probably have to stay in the same area so wont solve that problem.

Also Ive learned there is no where to go really without gambling in your face, but I will say my area is small casino crazy, they are everywhere. I did have a good stint when living in Hawaii without a casino option, but moving back there is not going to happen.

Originally Posted by Cheyenne_Morton

one step at a time I know you can do this !

Thank u, Im trying! But Im weak as ****...

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

I wouldn't cancel my cable if I were you. Vegging in front of the TV is at least something to do. If you don't have that, you might get bored and be tempted to go out and gamble. Best of luck to you.

Im totally broke and paying 85 is a crusher, when I can just use the Internet. But I see your point.Funny thing is I cant even cancel it as my account is not showing up in their system but they are trying to extract the money every day. I got to call back again but not having much luck doing it.