Hello my friends...........................

Freewill,

Wanted to tell you I'm still here fighting the fight. Emotions have ran like a white water river, hug rapids with placid calms. My life will never be the same. Trying to mantain for my wife, keep that stiff upper lip, but I know when she looks in my eyes she see it all. Today is our 30th anniversy, wow.
The operation, kemo, rads are taken there toll. They found something else in my spine, have to go Monday fo a spinal tap, so will see.

Just wanted to say Hi, hav'nt had the strenth to say up with the forum, I sincerely hope all of you are doin your best. Well time to get ready to go back for another treatment, (hug).

Going to make a major effort to post more often.....

Tks for your prayers,

Tucker

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tucker))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You are so brave and I hope you find it within you to continue. It must be so hard sometimes. It is unfortunate that on your anniversary you are feeling so bad. Hopefully that is temporary.

You are in my thoughts. Just stop by when you can. We will be here thinking of you.

BB

My dear friend... you and your wife always remain in my prayers... I am holding your hand thru the pain.. and your wife's hand giving her strength... please tell I am here.. for her too...

much love... freewill

((((30 years.... Tucker and wife..))))

((((((((( Tucker )))))))))))

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

tucker you are truley in my prayers.

good to see your post but so sorry for all your troubles.......you're in my prayers

freewill,

Once again I find solice in others, I'm in the first stages of my fight against cancer. Yes I do think its only me, why me, until I get wheeled in the kemo department at the hospital and see these angles in the later stages. The shinny rounded faces of ppl caused by all the meds and kemo are heros to me. Has I gaze across the area I think what do I have to feel sorry for? There's always someone worst than you or I. Take it to heart...

Has far has my BP and depression, its seemed to have slipped away, gone into remission for some reason. I don't have time to think or worry about it, so many other things have consumed my time. My memory I found is going fast for some reason, I'll be in the middle of a post, and lose all train of thought. I was in chat, this am my mind went out the window. It took me five minutes to figure out how to close the chat room.

Maybe the the linch pin to it all, no matter what, get up in the morning and push your way thru the day, look at the color of the world God gave was and make it worth it. Trust me you will find it out there, after all the years of living a closed off life, with the portal; the world on my computer, you need that face time, one on one. Maybe its just a revaltion to me after all these many years of BP.

~~freewill BB Darkeyes and of course Pat "my rock" and so many others, thank you

You, my family are what lifes about, with out it well.........

Tucker.........

Hey. Its my first day on this forum. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is true that no matter what pain we feel, someone has it worse, but still, pain is pain and you have a right to feel bad at times. Thank goodness you have a wife who has stood by you so many years and congrats on 30 years of holy matramony!
Laurie
(PS I have a chameleon named Tucker!)

Been awhile since I have posted but I have been so busy with my own life that I haven't been able to get on here. When I did the first posting I looked for was yours Tucker.....I think about you all the time and worry about how you are doing. Everytime I begin to think bad thoughts, I think of the things you have said and it seems to get me through.
Thank you for being such a wise friend.......

Tks mydarlin ,think of ya always........

To all my friends,

Last night was one of the greatest nights of Nancys and my life. Our whole family, I guess 50 or more, my son Jeremy some how got leave flew home from Germany to a surprise party for Nancy and I's 30th. I was shaking.. The flowers, decerations, just WOW..

As the night proceeded, got my courage up, got down on my knee and ask her to marry me again, guess what she said?? We renewed our voes. My cousin Ron is a minister. Needless to say the tears were flowing, ours hearts were full. What a blessed thing it was. My sister got us a wedding cake; to take my wifes hand and cut the cake in front of family and friends, there were no words..

I'm such a lucky man, to have a wife, family, friends and all of you here; what more could a man want.

Mant pictures were taken I will post some on the forum, for you.

I just wanted to share it with you all..

Love and prayers,

Tucker,,

tks Pat, xoxoxo back at ya............

tucker you are so brave for going thru this. keep up and keep going. i wish u well for your anniversary. i hope you get well soon hun
take care
self

Congrats on the remarriage.....very romantic.What a geat night!

Vow renewal....I meant.

Well yeterday they ran their spinal tap, and a mryiad of blood test.I feel like I have no more to give.

The radiologist was quit up front and let me watch the proceedure, I needed to see it for myself. As the dye was injected, I could even see for myself the degeneration in the throrastic part of my back. He was very positive, I was reading thru the lines and the look in his eyes.

A very gray day.. my parents took me home, not much was said. There is so much out there in advanced cancer theropy, I can't quite, I won't. I have to much to live for...

Love you all,

Tucker

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tucker))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry the results looked so discouraging. But, you're right there are so many new things out there. Your sheer will and courage will help you through this. Please take care. I am thinking of you.

BB

hey guy thinking about you and your family so cool you got to see your soon again. hope you are still on a high. -onyx

fayerody,

She told me it was time to stop keepin that stiff upper lip, its time to greif, to cry which I do most often. Just did'nt want to let it out, to say I'm scared, an understatment, my families future is all in a fog.
I have lots of test and teartments, since the test are coming back, feel I'm getting weaker or I just don't know. Lost in the medical BS talk like I'm suppose to understand.

Putting things on autopilot, try to make the everyday most..


xoxoxo "The Rock"

T/C,

Tucker

fayerody,

She told me it was time to stop keepin that stiff upper lip, its time to greif, to cry which I do most often. Just did'nt want to let it out, to say I'm scared, an understatment, my families future is all in a fog.
I have lots of test and teartments, since the test are coming back, feel I'm getting weaker or I just don't know. Lost in the medical BS talk like I'm suppose to understand.

Putting things on autopilot, try to make the everyday most..


xoxoxo "The Rock"

T/C,

Tucker

Got such ah head ache, feels like my head is ready for lift off. Leave for the hospital at 4pm will be in for the weekend..

Take Care, all of you.

Tucker

You will make it.....God never gives us more than we can handle....
I am thinking of you.

Back home again.. Sick all week end from the kemo, very sick to my stomach. I had the spinal taps and MRI's finished up. They did find spots on mt spine, alot of degenration and missing disc's.

Can't seem to get my pain under control..

Look I have to take a break from the board, same old stuff. i can't keep up with all of it Please know, I care for you all.

Please understand my sitsuation.

Love to all,

Mark

(((((((((( Tucker )))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with so much, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Well still here?
disappointed
lost
hurting
friends none
sick
doctors
smells
hospital
blah colors
needles
kemo
rads
stress
death
sheets
noise
I vs ?
touch
gray
privite
signs
nurses
carts
lacking
sore
mist
tears
etc............................

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tucker)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry. I am here and I hear you.

BB