[~Christina]

I am so angry, rage filled anger...

Tuesday it will be 2 weeks since this tragedy happened.

I cant sleep I literally wake up choking for air every hour if not more often, Every waking hour I relive it over and over again.

I moved and I lost my T and I know that I have to find someone to help. But how do I survive until then ? I am using every coping skill..... its useless at this point.

I finally broke down to my husband and told him how F'ed up I am.. I hide things so well he just didn't realize.... He has been able to cope more but he didnt have to "clean up the aftermath"

I hate the person that has caused this living hell on me with every fiber of my being. I hate that she turned my home into a place that terrifies my every waking moment. How dare a person do this to another person.

** screams in a rage**

[Nammu]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[HALLIEBETH87]

I'm sorry she didn't take your feelings into concern. We all know the pain of feeling that gone inside but it's not fair to those we leave behind. I hope
You can get a t soon and that they can help you move past this tragedy. I'm sorry for the pain it's caused you when all you wanted to do was help this person.

I love you.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I don't know what happened but it sounds like you're having a normal reaction to trauma, not that that makes it any easier. You do need to find someone to talk to so you can process your trauma. When my husband died I immediately entered an IOP program so I could process. Well I ended up IP first but no matter.

All I can say is that it will get better with time but you have to process. Maybe writing in a journal would help. Writing letters to the person who hurt you might help. I wrote a lot of letters to my husband.

I'll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes to you.

[Wander]

Sending ((((HUGS))))

[HALLIEBETH87]

Actually Christina I'm a little mad for you. I've been worried about you every day since this happened. <3

[BipolaRNurse]

Thinking of you, my friend. (((((HUGS)))))

[Wild Coyote]

I am very sorry for what you have been through.
My heart goes out to you.
May you find healing and inner peace.

WC

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope you'll try to process some of this with a therapist. Sending big hugs.

[kindachaotic]

Am so so sorry for your anguish. Think I have figured it out & can not imagine your pain & anger. Hope you find a T very soon, one that's a good fit.

Don't read much on here these days so am behind on things.

Will be keeping you in my thoughts.

[liveforsummer]

Hugs Christina

[hopeless2015]

Sending Hugs! Not sure what happened but it's triggered you in a big way. We are here to listen anytime. Vent away

[*Laurie*]

Hi Christina, Have you posted about what happened? It certainly sounds traumatic. I'm very sorry (((HUGS)))

[HALLIEBETH87]

So as someone who knows what happened I think maybe it's best not to go out and post specifics unless Chris decides to. It's pretty traumatic and we don't wanna trigger others.

[~Christina]

So I made about 10 calls today in search of a T ( all i could handle today based off the info given)... Most have openings early to mid September some are booked into October

Of course they all ask "what type of Therapy are you needing?" When I tell them why I need help , Most of them said , Im sorry we dont deal with "that " kind of T ....... WTF?

So here I sit alternating between raging tears and raging I want to smash everything I see.

Trying everything for distraction.. Posting on here hoping I can get out of my own head.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Seriously!!!!!!
What do they offer then?!

[wildflowerchild25]

Yeah wtf does that even mean? You're too ****ed up for them so they're scared??? That's some ******** right there. I hope you find someone soon. Maybe there's an IOP you can get into in the area.

[boogiesmash]

Christina I'm sorry for what you are going through. Hugs.

[Victoria'smom]

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

So as someone who knows what happened I think maybe it's best not to go out and post specifics unless Chris decides to. It's pretty traumatic and we don't wanna trigger others.

That's what the trigger icon is for. I'm just wondering if there's a post that explains what happened, because if there is, I missed it. It's important to me to give genuine support; knowing what it is I'm dealing with helps me to be more helpful.

[HALLIEBETH87]

It's pretty traumatizing for Chris to even talk about.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

It's pretty traumatizing for Chris to even talk about.

Thanks, HALLIEBETH, for stepping in to support Christina.

This is a support forum and Christina should only share whatever she finds helpful/healing (for Christina) to share.

We can support her without knowing details, if she prefers to not share details.

Hugs to you both, Christina and HALLIEBETH.

WC

[*Laurie*]

Halliebeth and Wild Coyote: Please understand; I am not asking Christina to 'tell all.' I am asking if there is a link to a previous post about what happened so I can understand what we're dealing with. The little bit of detail that is in this thread reminds me of something I went through 2 years ago. I am not trying to be intrusive; I am only trying to be as helpful as possible.

[~Christina]

Today has been just the same ugliness.. 2 weeks tomorrow...

Thank you everyone for your continued support, It means alot

[Victoria'smom]

Hopefully you can find a T soon and start working through whatever happened. Remember take care of yourself and try to not to fall into bad coping skills.