[scar12346]

I have no clue which day it is, but I am almost sure that the whole month I've been in a transition between my normal state and mania and to be honest this usually happens in the matter of not more than a week. Week is even a huge amount of time. But the more I am stuck in this period the more psychotic I get, and the more I do not sleep. This is my first clean all nighter, usually I get a hour, of sleep during the night, but not tonight.
I just want to feel numb and sleep the whole day away, I've never been that bad. And the longer I stay awake the more psychotic I become and the hardest it is to fall back to sleep. I've come to the conclusion that I do not need sleep meds, I need anti-anxiety meds. Because I am dead tired. But whenever I try to sleep my brain goes to China and back, and I'm not okay with that. I've never had so much delusional thoughts in one night.
Just wanted to share how much I actually miss depression.
So if you miss your other "part" go ahead and share.

[bizi]

Well it sounds like you need to see your psych doctor.
Not sure what meds you take but it seems they are not working.
I am sorry you are struggling.
Do you have a therapist to help you?
Do you have universal health care there?
I hope you get some sleep soon.
I hate it when I can't sleep.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[scar12346]

I have 4 days till my psychiatrist meet. It's our second meet, and I will probably need to be there every day of the week to get things right. Thankfully psychiatrist are covered, too bad psychologists are not. Though I know that she will put me on Atarax and this will make me even worse. Somehow this is the initial reaction for every psychiatrist I've been to.

[bewise93]

I know how you feel. Mixed manias in particular are my worst enemy. But things will improve. This too shall pass.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope the appointment with your pdoc goes well and you feel better soon. Unfortunately, I only get severe depression and no mania or hypomania ever. It's tough.

[BiPolarJoe]

This again speaks to how differently bipolarity expresses itself. When I'm in a hypo state, I want to live there forever. When I'm in a depressed state, I pray to climb back into hypomania as soon as possible.

[bizi]

What are your meds right now?
Could you ask for a mood stabilizer?
bizi

[scar12346]

I am on nothing, and cannot ask for nothing. I get what I get because I am not above 18 and only few medications are available on minors... Keep in mind I am 17, God I hate this country

[bizi]

you should be able to be treated with medication
with your parents approval.
bizi

[Ripose]

Prolonged periods with no sleep can cause severe problems. Can you check into a hospital and have them give you something to sleep for a night or two so you can clear your head.

[scar12346]

I had some leftover atarax pills (I know what I did was very wrong) but I took one because that used to knock me dead, it is currently 2 am, it's been 2 hours, and right now I am extremely tired, but also afraid, and pff.. I just wich the 24th would come sooner check in with my psych, see what we can do, what she legally can do because it is not really in her powers to fully threat me. So hoping for the best, right now I am napping through the day, over all I got about 6 hours of sleep during the day, and it seems like this would be the way for me to sleep. Somehow my brain refuses to sleep during the night.

[Wander]

No sleep with psychosis is a dangerous mix. Can you try something over the counter as a sleep aid before you see your pdoc. It is so important you get some sleep. And when you do see your pdoc could you take a supportive parent to advocate for you so you can get the right meds so you can find some stability? HUGS!

[rustygrape]

Originally Posted by scar12346

But whenever I try to sleep my brain goes to China and back, and I'm not okay with that. I've never had so much delusional thoughts in one night.

Gosh. I'll be so tired and when I finally get the chance to take a nap, as I'm falling asleep my body triggers into a panic attack from the thoughts I'm thinking. Dang it!

Be careful what you wish for. I've noticed during many depressions and manias is while in one state I can't remember the other state, i.e. in depression I can't remember or conceive of the joys of hypomania and the dangerous surges and irritability of mania, and while manic or hypomanic I can't recall the misery of depression. The best you can hope for is stability. I hope that you can get help soon.

[scar12346]

Just got "Diagnosed" as mentally unstable personality. That might say a lot. But atleast I am sleeping every hour.