scared its coming back for me

Hello all. Long time. Hope all is well

I have been doing fantastic. Greater than great. High functioning and on top.
However the last few days things are changing. I feel like I'm heading upwards. Like the episode is a coming kind of upwards. I'm irrational, I'm snapping, self esteem is sky rocketed. Having thoughts like I am the best at it all! My mind is busy and my family is aggravated with me. Angry even. I'm still in control but I feel like I'm heading down the wrong street. I want to buy buy buy. Pent up energy ready to blow. Sleep decline. I don't believe this is coming back. I cant take it again. I need my job and to stay out of hospital. I don't know. I don't know. just venting. I don't know

Hi Jacky!

You've crossed my mind often. I miss you when you are away; yet, I trust all is well and life gets so very busy!

So glad things have been going well, except for the recent shift in mood.
I forget, do you have any PRN meds that might help to interfere with the momentum of "going down the wrong street?"

If I remember correctly, I think you've been med-free for quite awhile?
Do you happen to now be taking any med which may be too activating for you?

I'm glad you are reaching out!


WC

Hey W.C.! I miss talking to you guys but I been trying to immerse in life and put the BP thing away.
Only med I use is klonopin but right now its like taking tic tacs. Leading into the fall season has led to hyp/mania many times but its been a while
idk. I just wanted to vent because I'm scared.

i really consider you guys my friends. Bunch of awesome and caring people.
I just wanted to leave the BP behind. Forever. I hope it stays away . Forever.
I hope this is a fluke.

Hey jacky, good to see you! Have you contacted your psychiatrist? You're pretty self-aware, and your description definitely sounds like you're headed for (or are in) mania. It would probably be wise to get some professional eyes on your situation sooner rather than later.

Agreed. You might want to contact your pdoc. Sending big hugs.

I agree, you want to get this taken care of ASAP. I know maybe you don't want to be on any meds but you do want to keep your job and stay out of the hospital. I've been able to stay out of the hospital for two years by alerting my pnurse to any difficulty sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately BP is often with us forever :-( I was stable off meds for six years and then it came back around to get me. Now I've accepted that I need meds to function at this point in my life.

Hi Jacky! Nice to see you around again. I hope you're ok. But like the others, I have to agree that you should check in with your proc. Please take care.

Hi jacky! I too wanted to leave BP behind and planned to leave this forum with a heavy but hopeful heart. I wanted to focus more on wellness than illness but my mood pulled me back where some people can understand. We understand hun......I'm sorry you are falling down the rabbit hole again .....we are here to listen. (((Hugs)))

Do what you NEED to do, not always what you want to do. Take care of you the best way you know how too.

I'm not going back on any med merry go round. Let what come , come.
I want to quit my job anyway. does not really matter
everyone is driving me batty anyway.
it is what it is

Jacky, in the beginning of your thread you mention not wanting to lose your job and now you are saying you don't care. Are you sure you are well enough to make proper decisions right now? Are you sure it wouldn't be best to talk to your doctor? Is it possible to take some time off work until you can get things running more smoothly? (((Hugs)))