Radical Acceptance, so not a pity party, trust me.

Sooo, a huge chunk of my depressive cloud immediately dissipated as soon as it was decided that I am leaving my job.

Although admittedly, part of me still feels like a nihilist, I'm okay with that though. Its not hurting me.

Reason for this thread, I'm sitting in a bus and thinking of everything that's gone wrong, and I do mean everything, since age 4, and it suddenly dawned on me...

I was put on this earth to be miserable. It is my fate to deal with misery as best I can.

And that's ok, I think fighting it and searching for this ever elusive lasting happiness, is what caused more problems than just accepting my reality and appreciating the times when the sun does happen to shine on me.

Makes sense too, you ever come across someone who's worst problem is breaking a nail or some other superficial shyt like that?
You know the kind, sunnyass people who's never experienced trauma or any real adversity...

People like me balance the scales of the universe out, can't have too many sunshine Suzies about, the cosmos would be out of wack, not to mention it would be REALLY annoyinggggg!

So I'm a misery manager, that's my deal, and I think I will be better off now that I know which game I'm supposed to be playing with these cards I was dealt.

Silly me was playing black jack at a poker table all along

Anyhoo ��

Just wanted to share my light bulb moment that has momentarily brought me inner peace.

Oh yes. This is why I am called Little Miss F-ing Sunshine. Thanks for noticing neurotypicals.... at least I can joke about it with them, right? I guess....

Yes, sometimes I can see my life, especially the 2-3 years I ended up homeless, begging in the streets, as an example of this. One crisis after another it seems.... yes, I do have my bright moments, but they sure don't last for long! None the less, I try to make the best of it. If I can help someone I do. If I can help myself, I do too. Sometimes that is all we can do, and when I say help, it might just be the tiniest thing, nothing huge or notable.

Lia you and I shall discuss this at length later tonight or tomorrow ( I have to check my world clock, as I am unable to do it in my head )

Must take Steve to the Doctor for a check up, he really really needs off prednisone

Love ya !

Thanks for the responses and the hugs, I really appreciate them.

I'm sure life will be a little less turbulent now that I know I am to roll with the punches.

Last day at work today :yay: :sad:

My farewell yesterday was so emotional, I didn't know my colleagues and employers thought or felt the way they did about me until then. Its nice to know I added something positive to their lives while our paths were intertwined.

Now to figure out my next move, wish I could just live in a hut and eat berries like Baloo, I don't think I was designed for this life....

I really relate....and I try to use radical acceptance too.

I've been thinking about this lately and I sometimes wonder would it have been better if I was born with these problems out the gate, instead of tasting normality or hell dare I say happiness then to have it all snatched away with very little hope of feeling that feeling again.... I still cling to the hope of somehow feeling normal again but going through this hellish pain clouds the vision of a better tomorrow. Anyways just know I feel your pain and hope we can live in the eye of the storm where it's calm forever knowing what lies on the outter brim. Hugs

Lia,

I think that leaving your job was the best thing you could do for yourself.

Of course now it opens up another can of worries but you will handle them, You always have. You are my Hero ..

You have battled and have a over flowing bucket let alone a plate.

You are far overdue for a break from this hell your dealing with.

Love you bunches always