[ComfortablyNumb5]

I just flipped the **** out over the dumbest **** but I can’t calm down or stop sobbing. I’m pissed. I’m uncomfortable. I’ve never had issues with tantrums before.

I’m making scarfs for people because I like making others happy and it’s therapeutic for me. Well I ran out of black yarn. I go all the way in traffic just to get a damn $3 ball of black yarn. It’s the same brand and same exact bulk. But when I start working with it, I notice it’s rough to the touch. It’s way thicker than a bulk of 6. I messed the whole ****ing scarf up. I through it against the wall and started screaming into my pillow fallowed by angry tears. I want to hit something so hard right now. I’m so pissed!

Yes I’m aware this is such a petty stupid issue but I’m fuming. These things take me hours to make and now I messed it up. Now the person who it’s for will notice and think it’s ugly and not want to wear it.

Then during all this, I hear my cat coughing up a hair ball and food. That lit me right up. I started screaming bloody murder and got on the floor frantically trying to scrub the carpet.

I took 1mg Ativan and my anti manic AP and an old geodon to try and calm down. I’m still crying and cringing 20 min later. Is this OCD?? I’ve never had issues with OCD in my life. Am I becoming mixed? Or am I just one hell of an angry 30 year old child? this is going to be a looooong day.

[*Laurie*]

I'd say that your frustration about the scarf is not really abnormal. A lot of people would be angry if something they created got messed up.

Flipping out about the cat throwing up is extreme...I mean, the cat already didn't feel great; why go off on it?

I don't perceive anything about OCD...?? Maybe you're just having a difficult time right now. If it continues, I'd suggest a mood stabilizer.

[Guiness187055]

I'd say that's justifiable anger. When I get really upset I also do what you did take a benzo.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I already went to the pdoc today for an increase on my vraylar because I was having paranoia and agitation. And then I come home and take it to a whole nother level. I am on a stabilizer and I did take a benzo and I’m laying down now. Trying to chill out. No I didn’t yell at the cat. I stepped in his puke and that’s why I screamed. I was bare foot lol 🤢

That doesn't sound like a normal reaction to a yarn incident to me. Please stay safe.

[CloserToTheMid]

The only time I get that way is in a mixed state, and it's awful. You say this has never happened? If that's the case, then I don't think it is normal for you. Sounds like you're taking all of the right steps, though. I'm having success with vraylar at the moment. I hope it works for you. (((hugs)))

[Guiness187055]

My wife who is the calmest person you have ever met went ape s**t nuts when she messed up a hat she was knitting. It was actually kinda funny to see her get mad. Knitters take their work very seriously.

[Shazerac]

Sometimes the smallest thing can send me into a s**t storm of rage. I knit and crochet. A yarn disaster would irritate the hell out me. If you feel like you need to hit something...then do it....in a safe way. Beat up a pillow. Get in the shower and scream.

I've been crocheting for years and never had rage as a result. I guess that's because when I'm that bad off, I can't crochet anyways. I don't think this is a normal reaction to a yarn incident but who knows what's normal. If it just feels like another day for you, you know yourself best. I hope your scarf turns out good in the end.

[WildcatVet]

Yarn yes. Cat no. Nothing like a juicy hairball between the toes to really ruin what's already a bad day.
Doesn't sound at all like OCD. OCD is me freaking out when someone puts one of my bottles of spices back in the rack...but not in alphabetical order. THAT ruins my day.
Hope you've calmed down and are feeling better...

[Faltering]

Sounds like you're potentially becoming mixed. That's when I get irrational anger like that. Any little thing could send me in a fury of rage. Hopefully the increase in Vraylar helps.

[Nammu]

You've mentioned temper tantrums many times before, sounds like your BPD is acting up. Did you ever do the DBT you talked about.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by CloserToTheMid

The only time I get that way is in a mixed state, and it's awful. You say this has never happened? If that's the case, then I don't think it is normal for you. Sounds like you're taking all of the right steps, though. I'm having success with vraylar at the moment. I hope it works for you. (((hugs)))

Yes even though this type of tantrum is odd but I do get this mad and irrational when I’m in or about to be in a mixed state. I just had my vraylar upped from 3mg to 6. I know it takes awhile for vraylar to get in your system but I really hope it will help! I was doing soooo good for awhile.

And thank you to those who know how it feels when your days long knitting project goes out the window lol. Yea I went bat ****. The Ativan calmed me and I took a hour nap. I feel much better now!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Nammu

You've mentioned temper tantrums many times before, sounds like your BPD is acting up. Did you ever do the DBT you talked about.

I couldn’t commit to the DBT class because of transportation issues and they kick you out if you miss two meetings in a whole year. But I am in one on one therapy now. I should ask her if she has any DBT work sheets. (My T is the queen on work sheets lol)

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Yes even though this type of tantrum is odd but I do get this mad and irrational when I’m in or about to be in a mixed state. I just had my vraylar upped from 3mg to 6. I know it takes awhile for vraylar to get in your system but I really hope it will help! I was doing soooo good for awhile.

And thank you to those who know how it feels when your days long knitting project goes out the window lol. Yea I went bat ****. The Ativan calmed me and I took a hour nap. I feel much better now!

This thread has been a lesson to me about the passion of knitting!

[~Christina]

Sounds like your Bipolar is poking you.

I would take the yarn back

Im glad you got in touch with your Pdoc so quick !

Feel better

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Oh you better believe I took that yarn back! Lol my bf didn’t understand why I was so upset but I had to explain to the lady at customer service that “this is not their normal quality whatsoever”. They gave me no hassle. I exchanged it for a better quality one. I’m happy! My knitting partner (who is also BP) told me to rest until I can safely knit again. Just an example of how my anger and agitation was so bottled up. I’m just praying this new vraylar increase kicks in sooner than later. I read it could take awhile so I’m kinda worried.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

...ok I also filled out adoption papers for a kitten at the pet store. I know.... I’m being impulsive but it really is something I’ve been thinking about. Ugh.

[~Christina]

Adopt from the pound

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Totally agree with that. My cities pound puts their pets at petsmart and I made sure of it. If anyone filled out a app before me then I may be screwed. But I emailed and sent in an app. Fingers crossed!!

[~Christina]

Good for you !!!! I'll keep mine crossed for you too !!!!

[Sunflower123]

I'm glad you are feeling better. I would be upset about both of those incidents as well. Good luck with getting the new kitten. Sending big hugs.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Thanks everyone. *hugs hugs hugs*. So vraylar takes weeks to build up in your system so pdoc wants me to take a small amount of geodon for awhile.

And I got the kitten! I pick it up Saturday. It’s all grey, almost a blue color. I’m so excited and it will keep my mind off of negativity and anger. I hope!