[Naynay99]

Hey. So I have slowly turned my work and home environment into chaos and disorder. My entire house is a mess, the kitchen is overrun with dishes, my floor has become a laundry basket for dirty clothes, the amount of papers I have to grade keeps growing, and yet all I was able to do today was watch tv and sit amongst my messes and feel like crap.

Which is interesting as my mood has actually been pretty okay lately. Was feeling pretty great over the summer and early fall. But now it t seems I am paying for it. I'm teaching an extra class which takes away my free period so I never have any time to get work done during the day and after work I am exhausted. I have been fighting a cold for over 2 weeks now. I am a fuucking mess.

And yet i don't think I'm depressed. Just overwhelmed by all the chores I have to do that I am doing none of them. Which begs the question- are my current failings at functioning at life really a product of a mood disorder or do I just pretty much suck at life?? I am failing at this whole adulting thing. It's like my surroundings are beginning to resemble the chaos inside my head.

How do people keep all these balls in the air at the same time? I can't keep both my work and home lives going. It's just too much. So I work and do well there but when the weekend comes I have nothing left and lay here idly trying to recover. I can play the part of functioning member of society but it always catches up to me and I can't keep it going without something going to shiit after a while.

I had planned on cleaning all day today, doing laundry and dishes and trying to grade papers and catch up on all that has fallen to the wayside. If I could just be normal and do a little bit earch day I wouldn't get so fuucking overwhelmed but I can never seem to master the skill of moderation and balance. It's all or nothing and so I need some ALL right about now but I can't seem to find the motivation to get off my lazy asss and accomplish anything. Ugh. I don't want to live like this. I need to get my shiit together.

I need to clean up my house and my head and my work bag. I need to kick this cold already. Start going hadkn to the gym and taking better care of myself. I suck at this. It's like everybody else seems to know how to do all the daily tasks of living and be okay repeating them again tomorrow and I am here all alone floundering but nobody even notices as I turn blue and stop breathing.

Sorry for this long pointless rant. I just feel like crap for having wasted the day and made no progress towards returning my home and life to normal. Anyway thanks for listening. Good nite.

[Naynay99]

I do this.

I just don’t want to do anything when I get home. My house is a mess. And it is worse since the last hypomanic event, I shopped and filled the house with stuff I don’t need. I also have too many plants I haven’t planted. And a garage full of compost and dirt. Too much.

I once heard that this is part of the anxiety that goes with perfectionism. It’s like, if you can’t make it perfect, it is too hard to start. I don’t know. Maybe.

I’m hoping for some energy soon

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I think everyone does have times like this but bipolar sure makes the problem worse. I dont even work and my house is a disaster. I dont manage to get my kids to do their homework or sign forms for school. Pretty pathetic. And I have been up for a couple months but instead of cleaning up the mess after depression I just made things worse. Buying more junk and throwing(literally) stuff all over the place. I just moved from one thing to the next way too fast to worry about cleaning up my mess. No concentration to focus on doing anything I was supposed to. My husband even cleaned up(plus working and taking care of the kids) while I was IP for 2 weeks and things are so much worse again since I got home a week ago. It doesnt seem right or make sense. I felt like I cleaned the kitchen all day but I must not have because its still very dirty! Not sure what I was actually doing but I'm not cleaning enough to keep up even when I'm trying. So you arent alone and you don't suck it's just really hard

[Naynay99]

Key tones- interesting theory about this being part of perfectionism. I do have some issues w that so it could be. Idk. It's like I procrastinate and put stuff off to avoid what feel like impossible and insurmountable tasks- and they then pile up and I begin to feel paralyzed by the sheer amount of work I now have, which leads to self loathing. Bleh.

Trying- i can't imagine having kids and having to keep up with the daily routine of getting them ready for school and feeding them for 3 meals a day and stuff. Some days taking care of my cats seems exhausting. So don't knock yourself for not being able to always keep up. I wish I had someone here who could pick up the slack when I stop doing stuff; instead it just piles up until my home starts to resemble a hoarders episode. Sigh.

Anyway, feeling a little better. Gonna try to break down the chores And prioritize. Trying to remind myself that Just bc I need to do laundry to have.clean underwear doesn't mean I have to do all 6 loads today. I Get sucked into black or white thinking. I Slept like crap but did eventually sleep last nite and I suppose now that I am awake I will try to summon some motivation from the universe to help me clean up my disaster.
Sorry for the rant. Just feeling overwhelmed and like there must be something intrinsically wrong w me that I can't seem to master being human after 40 years of trying.
Anyway, have a nice Sunday everybody. Take care.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Hope you're feeling a bit brighter. I felt exhausted too today, and with lots to do. I find playing YouTube music on my phone in whatever room I need to be in helps. Your favourite album, something you can't help singing along to. I Iistened to about ten songs, and by the time I came back downstairs, I had folded or hung up all my clothes.
That's enough for now. Don't try to do too much.

I struggle with this as well. Something that helps me to "adult" better is to alternate between doing one chore/something productive (a load of dishes, cleaning out the litterbox, exercising, meditation, etc) and one fun activity that isn't so productive (watching Youtube videos, playing a video game, etc) and switching between the two. That way I get stuff done while also getting breaks to do things I enjoy.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I finally got my kitchen cleaned last night(ok not completely but it doesn't look like we will probably get sick from the disgusting state it was in anymore). I barely slept though so it was quite a few hours to get anything done.

Anyways I was using quite a few of these tips and working to avoid the distorted thinking that drags me down too.

I listened to music while working and gave myself permission to dance to a song each time I washed a couple of dishes. I also spent time messaging people so this all stretched the job out a lot but at least I was getting some work done. I dropped the perfectionism and tried my absolute best not to do the all or nothing thing(I did take two things out of my cupboards to get rid of even though that wasnt necessary when I was cleaning the counters and dishes but I didnt completely empty all the cupboards(which is something I often do then get overwhelmed and quit))

I was also thinking about it and I prefer a little chaos but there have been times where I am able to use my routine to keep up to the chores. I like having a routine(do certain chores on certain days so I dont ignore everything but one room) but usually it only lasts a few days or if I'm really lucky a few weeks. I wonder if thats when I am at my "normal" level? I remember being better at it for longer periods of time when I was younger.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I finally got my kitchen cleaned last night(ok not completely but it doesn't look like we will probably get sick from the disgusting state it was in anymore). I barely slept though so it was quite a few hours to get anything done.

Anyways I was using quite a few of these tips and working to avoid the distorted thinking that drags me down too.

I listened to music while working and gave myself permission to dance to a song each time I washed a couple of dishes. I also spent time messaging people so this all stretched the job out a lot but at least I was getting some work done. I dropped the perfectionism and tried my absolute best not to do the all or nothing thing(I did take two things out of my cupboards to get rid of even though that wasnt necessary when I was cleaning the counters and dishes but I didnt completely empty all the cupboards(which is something I often do then get overwhelmed and quit))

I was also thinking about it and I prefer a little chaos but there have been times where I am able to use my routine to keep up to the chores. I like having a routine(do certain chores on certain days so I dont ignore everything but one room) but usually it only lasts a few days or if I'm really lucky a few weeks. I wonder if thats when I am at my "normal" level? I remember being better at it for longer periods of time when I was younger.

Sometimes when I get totally overwhelmed and only want to watch TV I use the commercial trick. Instead of standing there and contemplating the disaster of my living quarters I give myself permission to watch TV.

I hate watching commercials so when they come on I get up and do something for those 3-5 minutes. It's amazing what I can get done in 5 minute increments. I unload the top half of the dishwasher, the bottom half next commercial. Only takes a few minutes to throw a load of laundry in. I fold laundry in front of the tv. Next break I walk around and pick up various paper litter; receipts, empty bags, junk mail, wrappers, etc. next break take out the trash. It's amazing how much I can actually get done while watching TV all damned day.

[~Christina]

Shazerac has great advice as always.

[99fairies]

OP...Can you afford to have someone come in and spend a few hours cleaning? It might give you a head start. And a little more motivation.

[Cocosurviving]

I let things pile up a bit then anxiety kicks in. I make a list of what needs to be completed. Then I do do little by little each day. Yesterday I loaded the dish washer, washed laundry and folded clothes. Tomorrow I plan on vacuuming and cleaning my restroom. I also watch tv (Netflix) in between tasks.

I sometimes count to five. Throw away 5 things of junk off this counter. Throw away 5 things off that counter. Do 5 things quickly-anyone can count to 5. I push through getting a little done even though my body aches w anxiety.

Shazerac’s method sounds really good!

[Naynay99]

Hey. Thanks for all the great suggestions. I have been slowly working on cleaning up today, after a slow start and watching 3 episodes of flea market flip. But I picked up all the dirty clothes off the floor and bathroom and sorted them in laundry hampers, threw in a load. And I Picked up all the crap laying around, cleaned out litter boxes. I just need to tackle the kitchen, which is quite daunting. But I can't cook until I do the dishes so I have to do that one today.

Listening to music helps. Gonna worry about vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom another day I think. And other than mailing out 1 bill I am gonna leave dealing with the mail for another day. Thank god I do auto online pay, as I haven't opened mail in weeks!!

Maybe I will do the tower of dishes and then take a lunch break. Then do some paperwork for work. Idk. I know I shouldn't push myself to try to do everything. I just wish I could keep up with chores like a normal person. I guess this method of letting things turn to shiit and finally cleaning them until it happens again is how I roll. Instead of beating myself up for it too much I'm gonna try some of you guys suggestions. And try not to hate myself if I don't stick to them.

Anyway thanks for the encouragement.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Good luck with it. You're not alone!

[xRavenx]

I can relate to you a lot. I suck at adulting. Although I'm not the best person for advice, it feels pretty good to just take it one step at a time, and before you know it, the project usually isn't as bad as anticipated.

[Slightlydelusional]

I was talking to a 23 year old who said she was having a really hard time at adulting. She asked me for advice and was like, lol, Im 45 and still havent figured it out!

[TaubTaube]

We all have bad adulting periods. Lord knows I do. After this recent fall on my butt, I find that I have to break things down in small chunks and make lists.