Anyone else do the opposite of what you're supposed to do?

So I quit smoking 2 weeks ago while inpatient for PTSD and bipolar depression. I was confident about quitting even when I was depressed. Now tonight, not so depressed anymore so i had an even BIGGER urge to smoke. I thought, "Well I'll only have two or three cigs a day. I guarantee that's not going to happen. At least that's what the smart part of my brain says. I often don't shower, do my hair, shave, go biking, read a book when I'm depressed. It's like as someone with mental illness, I do the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. I know this is a big problem with us bipolars. Anyone else struggle this way?

I had a similar experience with drinking alcohol not that long after I detoxed in the hospital. I'll admit that I did have cravings, but I "suddenly" thought that I could handle it again, but more in moderation.

I don't do much at all when I'm depressed. Of course my therapist and psychiatrist tell me "Push yourself and then you'll find it was easier than you thought" or "Push yourself a little and that will make you feel a little better". But it doesn't.

All the time.

*sigh* Smoking a cig right now trying to de-stress...

Yay, me!

I love smoking, I will smoke all the cigarettes in the world. I have done the same thing many times though, went inpatient, was on patches and was doing pretty well, got out and smoked, like, as soon as it was physically possible.
I also don't like doing socially normal stuff or things that might help me at times. Somewhat because I find some of those things are pointless. But having a full thing of head & shoulders makes me want to shower because it's expensive and my hair will look good. lol