What do you do?

Do you ever just think about or feel like you don't want to be here anymore? So that you can't hurt anyone or disappoint anyone. So that you're not a burden to anyone. Ever wonder why God put you here if all you've ever done in your life was hurt people you love or that love you? And you just know by your history that all you will ever do is hurt people or disappoint them in some form sooner or later. Because it's always happened that way. You can't stop messing up good stuff in your life. And you know things are good but you're going to ruin them anyway because that's just who you are. I really don't want to be here right now. I hate this feeling I have and I just want it to go away. I want it to stay away.

I think our "breakdowns", "failures", or "episodes" seem worse to us than to anyone else. Our children certainly don't see us in the same light as we do ourselves. To them we're just mamá or papá. Checking out would hurt them far more than anything else. In fact, a child who has lost a parent to suicide is much more likely to also choose that path later in life.

I understand what you're feeling, though. I'm sorry you're going through this under the conditions you face. Please post here as much as you need. You know that we are happy to provide whatever support we can and would wrap you in our arms in real life if we were there with you.

this is so true

the top part of your post is so true..

I find this as well
I can't count the times people have told me, " it was only this", or " you only did that", but yeah.. it's like a really big thing to us. like the end of the world