[LizardL8y]

Help. I'm really low right now. I've been pretty stable for quite awhile... good doc, good meds, but life has been having a rollercoaster of ups and downs. I've managed to stay pretty focused but these last few days I've been so depressed. So horribly depressed. I shouldn't be. I really shouldn't be. Yes, I am unemployed, but I know this is temporary... its not that I can't work, I just have to find something. So I guess I am bored but I've been keeping somewhat busy. Then friday, even though nothing specific happened, I started to feel bad. I'm dealing with a grandma with alzheimers and a grandpa going depressed watching her suffer. My other grandpa is giving me issues about my weight. He believes I should only eat twice a day or I'm going to be fat forever. He doesn't believe that weight loss programs and counting calories and all that stuff work and he seems to think insulting me is going to make me work harder at it. I got in a big argument with him yesterday and my dad didn't help... telling him about my occasional nighttime binges... But I'm going back to school and that should make me happy. It scares me though. I have failed at it before and despite my recent very strong academic successes, my past keeps peering into my head. I just want to be alone all the time. I'm so sad and lonely, even though I live with my parents and my mom and I are as close as can be. I don't know, is it the disorder? Is it life? I haven't felt such depression in months and I'm really hating it.

[Direction]

It sounds like a lot is actually going on ... sounds like some old wounds and lots of stressors ...

It can be all the things you question...our filters can really make it difficult to determine what is what...

[dreamrunner]

(((((LizardL8y))))
Sometimes its hard to let the past go.....it penitrates your mind....seeps in.
Perhaps a T would benefit you with this this sort of thing.
Feel better soon....

[savanahs]

hey there I know what you are going through been there myself with grandparents who are ill its hard to get up and keep going but it sounds like you are doing what needs to be done and thats good remeber to take time for you if you like the outdoors then take a 10 min walk if you enjoy music play your favotite tunes it does help . I to have a parent who is ill and its hard.going back to school awsome great great for you.. wish I could do that I failed out and am afraid to even try again you have guts and thats a great thing good luck with the studies and let me know how you are doing. and yes soome times the illness will just take ahold and then you have to buck up and say nopoe goingto get the better of it and you will get the better of it . if you are in t then talk to your t about it if you are not aybe getting into it would help only you know the answer to that best of luck Savanahs........

[LizardL8y]

Yeah, I have an appt next week. She's a great doc and I've been with her since I was 18 (9 years). I'm looking forward to that appt. I see now that there really is a lot of hard stuff going on in my life and even with the good thing of school coming up I have a lot of anxiety about it. I guess, even a person with a healthy brain would go through some depression at this time. What is really hard is that I have no local friends, my parents are going through really rough emotional times, and basically the only people I can talk to are my online friends (who are absolutly wonderful, but sometimes its not enough). I hope I will make friends at school but the age issue makes me think that'll be difficult. Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad I joined this group.