Screaming, swearing and talking to self.

More recently I find myself screaming (just going 'aaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhh' when I am driving alone with all windows rolled up and I am reasonably sure others drivers can't hear me, then I scream my lungs out. I am not entirely sure if it helps me, but I keep finding myself doing it.

I also find myself swearing out loud (mostly the four letter F word or the MoFo word). It's all directed at me because I am angry with myself for the way I am, when at home, in the shower, or doing any chore on my own. Sometimes I say things like 'What am I doing?!!', ' What the hell !!'

And my wife has to remind me that we have a 5-year-old around and that I should watch it. Then I am conscious and thinking what the hell am I saying and shut up.

Sometimes, at work, (not a lot but, it does happen from time to time) it comes out as a mild 'oh come on!' but loud enough for my colleagues to turn around and take notice.

Or I do a mild thump my hand on the desk because I am frustrated as I am struggling to focus.

The moment someone walks up to me, I can smile and talk objectively to them about whatever it was they came to see me about. So I appear perfectly normal and can mask my depression, stress, anxiety, guilt for procrastination very very well.

When am walking alone on the road after picking up lunch in a nearby canteen and I sometimes say things like 'what S*** is this' or say the F word and the immediately after I am conscious and then turn around and look to make sure no one else saw or heard me.

Do you find this happening to yourself and have you found any way to control it?

I swear all the time. I can control it in certain situations like work or other kids that are not mine being around. Honestly, I say swear it up. If it's who you are then have at it. Why holster it? Besides, so often f*$k is such a perfect word.

Sorry, I forgot to add I talk to myself all the time. To the point where I am asked to whom I am speaking with.

I also scream in my car from time to time.

I think what you’re doing is healthy as long as you’re not making a huge scene and can keep it controlled to while you’re in the car. I’m a mess behind the wheel. Screaming to others. To myself. When I was younger and lived at home, I would take rides to the country and just scream it out. Punch the wheel. Blast my music (and smoke the occasional dooby lol). It’s healthy. I also like screaming into a pillow or punching it. Now as long as we’re not kicking and screaming in the middle of the grocery store, I think it’s ok. And don’t worry about work if you happen to mumble to yourself a bit. I’ve seen people completely lose it as work. Myself included. I don’t recommend that though.

I talk to myself all the time. It's mostly involuntary when I think about stuff I did in the past. I'll also end up hitting my hand on something as well.

Thanks everyone for writing in and letting me know there are some of you who also do this.

I found in the past, I successfully managed to get out of this with practicing meditation. I am now struggling to get back or in a phase where I just don't care to try hard enough.

Feels like too much is going on in my life. Hopefully, soon someday, I will get back on track and stay.

Hope I get therapy and professional help soon. It's a painful wait.

If I'm having a high irritability day I'll let the rage out when nobody is around.

Lately I've been disturbed at times when I'd say some stuff out loud while thinking about personal problems with people who drastically impact my life in a negative way, sometimes while out on a walk, and realize that it's essentially the same stuff you hear homeless people raging about at any hour of the day or night. :|

I talk and cuss at myself alot. I ask myself questions then argue with myself !

As long as your not putting yourself or others to possible harm I think its a "normal" thing.

Yup I talk and swear to myself pretty regularly. My coworkers find it amusing.

I can't get angry at others but get very angry at myself

I talk to myself constantly. I cuss very frequently. I rarely yell.

I don't know if it's still used but something called "primal scream therapy" was in vogue a decade or two ago. Screaming & swearing were supposed to be healthy. So:

"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!"

Whew!!! I feel so much better now! We should start a primal scream thread...

I am only angry with myself most of the time because I am unable to be consistent and in the same place.

It doesn't mean I don't get angry with others, I do, but I mask and control myself better.

hahaha, true that! I didn't know such a thing existed, just googled it and interesting, I think it is just some form of release.

Now I feel more normal Cheers!

I curse and scream and shout at whatever put me where I am...not myself...I treat myself as gently as possible and firmly believe it's not my fault...

That's a good point, I have never thought of it like that. It's actually not really my fault because I have this condition.

Thanks for this WildcatVet. I will remember to be more kind and forgiving of myself.

That's a new thought! Thank you.