[tsrc78]

For those of you who went to IP voluntarily, how did that work? Both of the times I went to IP it was involuntary, because I was a danger to myself. I hated it there though. I could not sleep, just wandered the halls and sat in the lounge all night, then had no energy in the morning. It was always a race to see the psychiatrist everyday, who just threw a ton of drugs at you until you were stable, but two weeks after being discharged I was worse off than when I went in. The groups were useless, so many restrictions even on when we could watch TV. You didn't get any individual therapy other than the social worker talking to you when you arrived and right before you left. It was absolutely miserable.

I don't want to go back there, I never want to go back there. I don't even tell my pdoc and therapist the extent of my thoughts because I don't want to go back there. Fortunately all I've gotten have been numbers to the suicide hotline. Which I never use. Whew.

I have an appointment with a real psychiatrist at Duke December 18, but I do not know if I can make it that long. I cannot take the severe depression, the severe mood swings. I probably sounded normal at some point on these boards yesterday, but at another point I was near catatonic, rocking back and forth, crying, feeling I was hearing voices in my head calling me names (although these could have just be negative thoughts, who knows). I take this damned Risperdal, which yes, does make me sleep, like I'm comatose, so I only take it every other day. But getting a good night's sleep does not always make me feel better. Some days I feel "normal" when I wake up (but I have come to realize my "normal" baseline is really hypomania) and some days I wake up so depressed I wish I hadn't woken up. I don't want to hurt my family, but if I stay I'm a burden, if I leave i'm selfish, and if I'm hospitalized I'm an inconvenience. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

For those who voluntarily went to IP: did you have to go to the hospital closest to you? Will they deny you inpatient if they feel you are not severe enough? I am at the desperation point where I might consider voluntary IP, but other than going to an ER in another city, I'm not sure how to do this, because I absolutely cannot go back to the one in this city. Can I just call the hospital up and ask for a psych assessment? I have regular health insurance through my former job, and I was told by somebody that most places will accept you as voluntary if you have insurance (not fair, but just considering my options).

I have been so against doctors in psych hospitals just throwing whatever drug at you and hope it sticks, but I don't think I can handle this conservative, "we'll increase it by 1 mg until I see you next month" approach right now either. I wish I knew what to do. . I thought waiting until December 18 was my only option, but he isn't going to wave a magic wand and change me overnight.

Thanks for your input.

[Sunflower123]

I’m fortunate that the best IP facility in my area is 3 miles away. My mom drove me over and I told the assessment team I was a danger to myself. They called insurance who approved the stay and I went voluntary inpatient. Pros and cons to that facility but it really helped me.

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. I agree you are not in a condition to wait until December 18 and voluntary IP at a facility that is good quality might be a really good idea. Do you know where you would go? I don’t see you having any problem being accepted as voluntary with your symptoms. (((((Hugs)))))

[zbmom]

I have been voluntary twice. I do not go to the hospital near me. I was involuntary there once and it was terrible. So I drive about 40 minutes to a better one. It's inconvenient but worth it. You basically have to go to the emergency room and tell them what is going on and the psychiatrist or crisis team will come and evaluate you and admit you if they think you're a danger to yourself. I honestly attempted both of those times so I've never just gone in but they told me you don't have to attempt to get help and my future goal is to go ask for help instead of doing something stupid. If you feel unsafe please go get help. It's not worth it to try and stay out if you're unstable. Good luck.

I guess I was considered "voluntary" for all of my 10 hospitalizations, though a couple of them I don't recall signing any paperwork. Both of those times I didn't sign paperwork I was transferred to the psych hospital from the general hospital. Once I was basically catatonic, then screaming the whole time. The second time (a different hospital) I was admitted from an ambulance to the general hospital and then transferred to the psych hospital the next day. That general hospital's temporary "psych" section looked like a jail with no windows.

I think experiences vary by psych hospital. I have never been to a NJ state run hospital. I think most people who go there are very long-term patients or maybe patients with zero money/insurance. I went to psych hospitals associated with privately run general hospitals. The general hospital (or Intensive Outpatient Program in some of my cases) determined the psych hospital. Nine of my psych hospitalizations were in one, and one in another. Both psych hospitals are only about 25 mins apart. I happen to live closer to the general and psych hospitals that are not in my county. The ones in my county are further from my home.

In the psych hospital I went to 9 times, I was in either the acute psych or dual diagnosis wings. That hospital did have another psych ward, but that was for particularly dangerous patients, I think. The psych hospital I went to once, also had two different acute psych wards. In that one, I was in the "more severe" case ward. Obviously the so-called "more severe" case ward was more limiting. I only ever saw that hospitals "regular" acute ward when I visited my nephew who was hospitalized there.

In both hospitals I would not be able to go to the cafeteria until deemed well enough to do so. Everything was on the ward. When in dual diagnosis they let us take a walk outside the hospital (accompanied by staff). In the one acute ward we could go to an enclosed courtyard once per day. In the other hospital's "more severe" ward we could not go outside at all, but the "more severe" ward had a ping pong table, games and stationary bike in an atrium (no TVs, but they played music sometimes). The other hospital only had games and TVs. Apparently the "more severe" ward I was on had therapy sessions, but I don't remember them at all. I do remember therapy sessions from the other hospital, when I remember being there (I only remember some of my 10 hospitalizations).

The one hospital's "more severe" ward was more institutional than the other hospital's acute and dual diagnosis ward. The nurses were behind glass vs. the other hospital where the nurses were more accessible.

All of the pdoc's in both of my psych hospitals seemed to want to overhaul my meds, but at least the one hospital called my private pdoc sometimes and consulted with him. Other than the therapy group therapists, I, like you, only saw the social workers twice (once in the beginning, once upon check out). I don't remember a social worker in the psych hospital I went to once.

Neither of the psych hospitals I went to would have admitted me if I wasn't severe enough, though I always was. I do know of people who went to the general hospital ER and were sent home with a few Ativan pills, and that's it.

Most of my hospitalizations were from Intensive Outpatient Programs. Either I'd be released from the psych hospital after 7-14 days to the IOP, and then they'd realize I was released prematurely and send me back, or my regular pdoc would send me to the IOP and then I'd grow too much for the IOP, so they'd send me to the hospital. I think I only went directly to the hospital from a general hospital twice and directly to the hospital from my regular pdoc twice or three times.

Neither of the psych hospitals I went to allowed cell phones or electronics.

[DowdyTheFifth]

I was voluntary inpatient once before. My Therapist at the time brought up the idea and I thought it sounded like I could have my own time to help figure out what was wrong with my brain, and that being there would be beneficial to me overall. I was able to be released when I wanted to be released after 3 weeks even though I still felt pretty bad overall. I mainly just wanted to get back to my normal life because I was just a 15 year old high school student at the time of my inpatient stay.

I think you can choose to call any mental hospital you want to, mine was just a 15 minute drive away from my house and that was the only one that my Therapist has called, and they accepted me.

Looking back on it, I do not have any useful coping mechanisms that I learned during my inpatient stay. Nothing came out of it that I can think of that I would call useful, BUT it is good because you have a guaranteed meeting with a Psychiatrist, instead of having to wait months for an appointment. I'm currently in college and there is a visiting Psychiatrist so I am lucky that I get to meet with her at a certain time and don't have to worry about waiting forever for an appointment.

Overall I think voluntary was better than if someone had forced me to go. I know my college wants to put me in there just because I said that I think about death all of the time, so I refrain from telling them my true feelings out of fear that they force me into a mental hospital.

I wish you the best of luck, hope you feel better.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've been voluntary every time I've gone in (5) but 4/5 times my pdoc arranged the admission and I didn't have to go to the ER. The time I did go to the ER I had a long wait (30 hours) for a bed but it was just an unusually busy weekend and there were no psych beds in the city. That time when I went in a nurse asked me some questions, an ER doctor asked me a few more and I explained how unsafe I felt, he told me they could help me and that was it. I'm sure if I had decided to leave in those 30 hours I would have been put on involuntary but I wasn't about to start over on the waitlist and I knew I really needed admitted anyway.

I go 2.5 hours away to go to a good hospital. I may drive past a perfectly good place on the way but my hospital has a mood disorder unit and since my pdoc is on staff there she stays involved with my meds and I never leave on some cocktail she has to fix later. Occasionally I even get to see her if she is on call. Neither insurance nor Medicare have cared where I went; I think that would only matter if you had an HMO.

The place I go is nice. It is locked and you have to give up electronics and there is no outdoor time but it is fairly quiet (only 10 patients, generally 9/10 are depressed while I annoy them with mania). It is a mood disorder unit so the groups are all aimed at mood issues. They have a computer, TV, Wii Fit and stationary bike on the unit and keep some craft supplies/coloring stuff out all the time. There are also cabinets with games and puzzles.

They don't do individual therapy but have let me do phone sessions with my own therapist in the past and let me sit in a conference room to do them.

I feel safe there and while going back isn't something I hope for I know that if i have to it will be fine. Aside from one nurse and a social worker who are both gone now everyone has been consistently kind and I have always felt well-taken care of.

Getting admitted to Duke might get you into the pdoc there sooner since they generally hook you up with an appointment with your pdoc soon after discharge and if you are in the Duke system that would probably be considered your doctor.

[UpDownAround]

I am hoping the other one where you had a bad experience wasn't UNC. They have 24 hours walk in crisis assessment centers and I think the one in Chapel Hill is at the main hospital. I have just been to the one in Raleigh with one of my kids and my wife took another of the kids there. We were pleased with that operation. From what I have heard, the main UNC hospital is pretty good. Anyway, their crisis centers are like ERs that are psych only. I am sure you know what happens in regular ERs in NC; they just park you until they find a facility with a bed and send you there.

[tsrc78]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I am hoping the other one where you had a bad experience wasn't UNC. They have 24 hours walk in crisis assessment centers and I think the one in Chapel Hill is at the main hospital. I have just been to the one in Raleigh with one of my kids and my wife took another of the kids there. We were pleased with that operation. From what I have heard, the main UNC hospital is pretty good. Anyway, their crisis centers are like ERs that are psych only. I am sure you know what happens in regular ERs in NC; they just park you until they find a facility with a bed and send you there.

Oh no, it definitely wasn't UNC. I am in Rocky Mount, my hometown, that I absolutely hate. Ironically, the only reason I came back here was because my job in Greensboro was being phased out, and Rocky Mount had the only other state job in my classification. But since I have been here, my mental health has gotten significantly worse - another reason I swore not to come back when I left at 16. I was considering Duke - the seizure specialist I saw is at Duke and my psychiatrist I will see is at Duke - but that's good to know about UNC. I surprisingly was seen pretty quickly in Rocky Mount, I just can't stand their psych facility.

But my head is swimming. I just want to go, now, just leave, but we only have one car. And I have to take my oldest daughter to Raleigh tomorrow for an MRI since she started having migraines. I wanted to just go tonight, but my youngest had running club, I was supposed to take my oldest to gymnastics tonight to watch her for a change, but my husband took her. I have some chest inflammation, and problems breathing, and he thought I wasn't feeling well because of that. He came back asking if he had done something wrong! Are you freaking kidding me? I am on the verge of mental collapse, and he has the nerve to think this is about him. He asks if I can get on a cancellation list for the psychiatrist. No! That won't help! I just told him I am looking for a hospital away from here, he really hasn't had anything to say about that. And he is normally supportive, I don't know what's going on.

I am so done with this.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I have been ip 16 times. Yes, 16. I'm fraught with issues at times.

Almost all have been voluntary. A few were voluntary but highly
Suggested by a t so.....wasn't really voluntary. They just gave me
The Option of not being escorted there. I've been on 72
Hour holds twice. Once when high school sent me and said I had to
Be evaluated before returning to school and almost did an MIW and the other after I od'd.

I have found its much better to go on your own accord. I choose
To go to an ip close to me which I live in the sticks so that's the nearest city, 40 minutes.
My pdoc works at that ip so I like seeing him ip because I know him and he takes my feelings into account during treatment.

I hope you feel better soon. We are here for you!

[zbmom]

It sounds like you need to go in. I hope you can get there quickly and safely

[UpDownAround]

The Raleigh UNC crisis assessment center is called Wakebrook and it is off Sunnybrook Road next to the big WakeMed Hospital complex. 24/7/365 you can walk in and be assessed. It's just down the street from Holly Hill, where you do not want to go.

[tsrc78]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

The Raleigh UNC crisis assessment center is called Wakebrook and it is off Sunnybrook Road next to the big WakeMed Hospital complex. 24/7/365 you can walk in and be assessed. It's just down the street from Holly Hill, where you do not want to go.

Oh, thank you so much for that info! Raleigh is a closer drive than Durham and Chapel Hill, so that might be a good option. I think I've heard bad things about Holly Hill too, probably from another patient at this psych hospital. When they assess you, do you get admitted there, or is their a possibility you could be sent to Holly Hill?

The part I hate is that I talked to my husband for quite awhile tonight, some about me thinking I need to be hospitalized, but a lot of the time just talking normal funny stuff, laughing. Then I was chatting with a friend on messenger. So that makes me think, maybe I don't need to go into the hospital. But I know it's illogical. Because at some point tonight or tomorrow I will switch back into crisis mode. Now I'm wondering if this is not just severe rapid cycling (which I do get) or if I'm having a mixed episode. Last time I was admitted I was in a mixed episode, and it was pure hell. Right now all my moods keep happening extremely fast, maybe too fast, and this how it was when I was in a bad mixed episode. Until they gave me Wellbutrin and I turned into full out manic. I can't go through that again, I just can't.

I just feel guilty leaving my family, leaving my husband with our girls and all the stuff that goes along with them. Relying on our parents when we rely on them too much as it is. Even our business, there is so much I handle that he knows nothing about! But that's part of the problem, part of my stress. And I have to remember a hospital is a better option than running away, abandoning everyone. I have to remember that. I need to remember that. At least if I'm in a hospital my family knows I'm safe. Ugh.

[bluemountains]

I had an awful experience with Holly Hill, and so I suggest you stay far away from them.
I went in one evening to provide information for their day program that I planned to start the next day, a program that my pdoc had recommended for me, and instead the staff who were taking my information decided to admit me to their psych hospital-this decision was made by a pdoc over the phone who was listening to the notes taken from the intake person whose title I am not sure of, possibly a social worker or a nurse of some kind. I ended up in their hospital for three days and was finally admitted to the day program, where I received services for two weeks.
My own pdoc has no affiliation with the Holly Hill, so once I was in, she was not my treating physician for that time. My meds were completely screwed up, and I never yet have been able to find a long period of stability.
Good luck to you, if I have to use one of the programs again I plan to go through Duke next time. I understand that both Duke and UNC have positives to offer.

Bluemountains

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by tsrc78

Oh, thank you so much for that info! Raleigh is a closer drive than Durham and Chapel Hill, so that might be a good option. I think I've heard bad things about Holly Hill too, probably from another patient at this psych hospital. When they assess you, do you get admitted there, or is their a possibility you could be sent to Holly Hill?

They would only send you to the first open bed if they feel you are a threat to yourself or others and it becomes involuntary. Even in that case, they work with people about the selection. They cannot send you anywhere there isn't an open bed though. Rex Hospital is working on a mental health holding area as an extension of the ER so that the backlog of patients waiting for a bed can have a more appropriate setting than the regular ER. There is a real shortage of beds in psych hospitals in NC and it is causing problems in the ERs when they have patients waiting for transport for days.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

I had an awful experience with Holly Hill, and so I suggest you stay far away from them.
I went in one evening to provide information for their day program that I planned to start the next day, a program that my pdoc had recommended for me, and instead the staff who were taking my information decided to admit me to their psych hospital-this decision was made by a pdoc over the phone who was listening to the notes taken from the intake person whose title I am not sure of, possibly a social worker or a nurse of some kind. I ended up in their hospital for three days and was finally admitted to the day program, where I received services for two weeks.
My own pdoc has no affiliation with the Holly Hill, so once I was in, she was not my treating physician for that time. My meds were completely screwed up, and I never yet have been able to find a long period of stability.
Good luck to you, if I have to use one of the programs again I plan to go through Duke next time. I understand that both Duke and UNC have positives to offer.

Bluemountains

One of my kids was in Holly Hill for a stay as was a friend who we visited. I have heard experiences from others at a NAMI parents meeting and I don't think I have ever heard anyone say anything positive about Holly Hill.