[dshantel]

Right now I just don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to do anything. I don't care. I don't want to care. I don't want to feel anything. What's the point. I'm so tired of this. I feel like, screw everyone. I just want to disappear. Not exist. I hate this. I hate me. Whoever the hell me is. I don't want this. Why did he have to try and be the rescuer. I didn't need rescuing. I was fine. So much for all the rescuing because where is the rescuer now. Guess that was a tough job to uphold. Uurrggghh I just wish I could get away. If I could just not feel maybe I could leave this place. What is wrong with me. Why can't he just love me the way that I need to be loved. I honestly don't even know what that means. Ggaahhh this is all in my head. Why can't I get out of my head. I don't even know what's real anymore. What is real. No one even cares. I just want to scream and break things. I feel like glass and I just want to throw me and break me. I can't. But I can hear the shatter. Ugh god I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. I'm so emotionally drained and so exhausted I just want to give up. I can't keep caring I can't care. How do you not care. He doesn't care. I bet if I died he'd care. Why does death suddenly make people care. It's too late now. Should have thought of that before. Maybe they are faking. Probably for attention. There goes the glass again.

Do you have a plan for staying safe, dshantel?
What is your situation provider-wise? Are they aware how you are currently feeling?

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Do you have a plan for staying safe, dshantel?
What is your situation provider-wise? Are they aware how you are currently feeling?

No I don't really have a plan. My T doesn't know yet. I don't see her until Thursday. I'm doing ok in this moment right now but I think I'm losing my mind. Everything is starting to change and I feel different.

In this moment when it is ok then, try to put together some thoughts on how to stay safe should things go south again.

Things you can do for distraction,
people you can talk to,
places you can reach out to,
numbers that can be called.

Having that at hand can help when you are feeling at a loss of what to do -- the info is right there.

(My T did this with me just yesterday, so it is fresh in mind...)

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

In this moment when it is ok then, try to put together some thoughts on how to stay safe should things go south again.

Things you can do for distraction,
people you can talk to,
places you can reach out to,
numbers that can be called.

Having that at hand can help when you are feeling at a loss of what to do -- the info is right there.

(My T did this with me just yesterday, so it is fresh in mind...)

Well my plan for today is to play Minecraft most of the day because that's what I usually use as a distraction from my thoughts. I know that I can call my T or the crisis mobile unit but I'm always terrified that they will inpatient me. I wouldn't have anyone to keep my kids and my husband can't miss work like that because he'd just lose his job. So I'm trying to keep it together as much as I can.

Good luck with your Minecraft. My go-to is dvd watching.

Try not to be afraid to call if you need to, because IP's only a possibility. Talking about things would seem far more likely.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Good luck with your Minecraft. My go-to is dvd watching.

Try not to be afraid to call if you need to, because IP's only a possibility. Talking about things would seem far more likely.

I plan to be 100% honest on Thursday. It's just in the moment when things get crazy in my head, that's when I'm afraid. I usually print out anything that I've posted here or anywhere else and give it to my T.

Good for you, being 100% honest and printing things out! I'm getting much better with that, and it really is the way to go. And yeah, when things get crazy in our heads it's hard not to be afraid sometimes. It can really get to be quite a whirlwind.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( dshantel ))))))

Please stay safe.

WC