[99fairies]

My parents are coming over today. They live 6 hrs. away. I cleaned my house as good as I could but still feel nervous about them criticizing me over something. I hid the smokes and liquor. But I'm sure they will find something else to pick on. I have also lost 30 pounds since I saw them last but I doubt they will notice or say 'hey, good job' I just wish they would love me and support me no matter what I do. I'm 38 years old and I should be able to live the way I want to live without the fear of my parents finding out. I care what they think even though I should not give a rats asss.

I hide things from my parents because they're too nosey. I don't actually care if they judge me or not, or if they criticize me. I just don't want to hear their nagging because it's annoying that I have to waste my time listening to that crap when I could be doing other things. (They get all pissy if I ignore them, too. So I actually have to listen to their nagging until they finally stop. Go figure.)

So nope, I don't care. Everyone has their opinions and no one is ever going to agree with me 100%, my parents included. So they can judge and criticize all they want, but I'm 26 and an old enough to make my own decisions. What they say doesn't matter to me.

I'm not trying to sound like a b_tch, but they complain about the way my room is organized and other meaningless crap. That's why what they say doesn't matter to me. It's stupid stuff like that.

[Aliceiw]

When you love someone it is hard not to care what they think, try to please them, and need a little validation. I have learned that sometimes you need to love people for who they are flaws and all and not who you want them to be. Letting go of a mythical place where they are someone you want them to be is hard. I try to find my validation with friends, other family members, and my husband. Try to let their critique roll off of you, take a deep breathe and remember who you are and that you love yourself the way you are. Try, when they make rude remarks to say in your head, "this is their flaw but I love them anyway" If you want to hide things to make them more comfortable that's one thing but it's much easier with other things to give them time to adjust to the fact that this is who you are. Once they see it won't change there is more acceptance in my experience or they will at least keep it to themselves. Sending love and hugs. This is always a big challenge and you are doing great. You are yourself and you don't need to be anyone else's ideal person.

[Moreta]

After being berated for years by my mom's criticisms I cut her out of my life last January. I feel so much better about life now. No constant worries of what emotional abuse she's going to come up with on any given day. My dad died in Dec 2007. He never criticized me. He was awesome and shielded me from a lot of my mom's toxicity. After he died she got worse and I couldn't take it anymore. Kinda sad when you know your parent didn't want you. So yeah. I don't have to put up with it anymore. It's freeing.

My parents passed away when I was 17 and 26. My advice? Try not to let them drive you crazy and cherish your time even when they do.

[Row Jimmy]

I care what my dad thinks. My mom.......eh not so much.

Do you care what your parents think?

Yes and no. I care inasmuch as what my mother says and does often angers me (like her intrusiveness). But care as far as what she says having any credibility with me? No.

But there are things like, my mother has this weird need for me to prove myself to her, or she thinks I need her approval for anything. Things like that I don't give a crap about.

[HALLIEBETH87]

My dads gone and my mom has nothing to do with me. Cherish them.

[Cocosurviving]

I’ve come along way. I use to really care what my mom thought but I let it go. Our situations are different. She has a house and me a 2/2 bath apartment....she had more space. My organizing and hers will be different. Plus I have my own personal preferences. There are things I don’t like about her/step-dad’s house. I bet she won’t change it for me. My kitchen stays clean and I just need to finish unpacking my living room. I don’t invite my mom over because I know she would comment on the unpacked boxes. Well she does not pay my rent or have a mental illness so I’ll do things in my own time. I do not drink or smoke. But if I did so what I’m grown and it’s my place.

[99fairies]

They did notice my weight loss as soon as they saw me! Made me feel really good!

[99fairies]

Thank you to everyone who told me to cherish my parents when I have the chance. Put it in perspective for me. And I'm also very sorry for those of you who have lost your parents. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs.

[xRavenx]

Good question. My father has always been pretty chill, but he is difficult to talk to about "emotions," and is somewhat hearing impaired now.

My mother on the other hand.....I think she has contributed to some of my problems in relationships with others. As a child, I received "inconsistent" treatment. I know she loves me, but she is invalidating, judgmental, and often made me feel bad for being "me" unless I was doing something to impress her, such as through talents I used to have. She would ice me out if she became upset with me, and I found myself fighting to talk things over and needing everything to be okay all the time, but she would refuse or even resorted to physical punishment.

Since I fought for validation and acceptance from her and admire certain traits about her, since she is well educated, when I fall short, she makes me feel alienated and sometimes very hurt by comments she makes. My efforts to communicate this were never successful. She can be arrogant, prides herself on "being normal" (I believe otherwise), and never admits fault. So deep down, yes, I do care what my mother thinks and hope to get support from her, but her erratic behavior or reactions sometimes hurt me very deeply. I think I developed co-dependent patterns in relationships, but I'm just starting to explore this.

I hear you....I feel that I shouldn't care what my parents think, but can't help it. I guess because I was conditioned to fight for acceptance.

[99fairies]

Raven... I could have written your post. Thanks for sharing.

I don't really, "care what they think", in terms of my life.. my choices, how my house is, etc

saying that one of my biggist worries when I die is that my parents still havon't accepted me for me- MI included

I just wish they would, then at least that's something else off my list of worries

[99fairies]

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and we have a great phone relationship. But being around them in person makes me very anxious.

I care so much about what my mom thinks I lie to her about feeling low, when I have problems, etc. in fear of judgement and constant criticism. I love my mother, but she isn't good for a mental health.