Gah

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 18, 2017, 08:24 AM

I think I'm mildly depressed. I'm not happy working. I'm so stressed 24/7. I wish I could afford to quit but I cannot fail! I'm finally able to pay bills and this is a good job. Why can't I hack it like everyone else?!! I'm sitting in my
Office crying.

Dec 18, 2017, 11:43 AM

Why aren't you happy working? Did something happen?

Dec 18, 2017, 12:03 PM

Awe I'm sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. Its going to be okay.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 18, 2017, 02:50 PM

There's just so much to do in this job. I have great coworkers and a great boss but I'm just struggling to keep
Up. Preparing for groups and all the activities is exhausting. 12 hours a week I entertain clients. They're great people too. I like them a lot. It's just a big job!

~Christina · Dec 18, 2017, 02:57 PM

You spoke to your boss last week ... Why dont you ask her for ideas that were used in the past to do with clients

You want and need this job .. is there a way for you to break your day mentally down to say AM and after lunch ? Or by the hour to give YOU a mental break?

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 18, 2017, 08:23 PM

im trying. im a wrecke very night before bed and morning. while im there i maintain but im in a constant of worry and sadness most of the time. i wasd oing so well why is this happening? december and january and notoriously bad months for me for depression which i feel im heading into but im trying to push through. tomorrow i have to drive all the way to the other side of the big city to shadow someone to learn and then wednesday i work and then im off til i start worrying again on sunday.

SorryShaped · Dec 18, 2017, 09:10 PM

These are tough months for me too. Take things slower, if at all possible. It reads like you're pushing yourself beyond your present limits. I know the job is pressure. I can see that. Maybe you could explain to your boss that you're overloaded and concerned for your own well-being?

HopeForChange · Dec 18, 2017, 11:05 PM

Remember, every job is stressful at the beginning, and what you're feeling is very normal, especially with mental illness adding additional stress beyond what the average person experiences. Be patient with yourself and make sure to practice good self care. At my current job, I cried every night for the first three months. It was awful. Then, with time, it's gotten easier. Just remember that you have to put yourself first. Be selfish during this difficult time and don't commit to things outside of work that you don't want to do or don't find fulfilling. Remember, your job is just one part of you. Even if you struggle with the stress, your boss thinks you're doing great, and you always do a wonderful job supporting people on this forum outside of work. Lots of people think very highly of you, so go easy on yourself. It sounds like you are actually doing very well considering how new you are to this job and to returning to work. Also, remember to treat yourself to something nice with that hard-earned money. It doesn't have to be something big or expensive--just something that brings you joy

Best wishes with the drive tomorrow--I can relate to hating long, unfamiliar drives. The driving aspect of my current job was actually the hardest for me to get used to, even though it might be the easiest part of the job for others. Sleep well--I can't underscore enough the importance of getting enough sleep both with this illness and with working a stressful job. Good luck--we're pulling for you!

Tucson · Dec 19, 2017, 02:33 AM

It looks like you have a very responsible job that can be stressful. Take care of yourself. You are accomplishing what I cannot do myself right now, what I am afraid to attempt myself. So I think, despite your problems with the job, you are succeeding. I know it’s tough on you, however, all you can do is do your best. No one can be expected to do better than this.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2017, 02:08 PM

I think I need a job with less responsibility. I've cried all morning.

Tucson · Dec 19, 2017, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I think I need a job with less responsibility. I've cried all morning.

Maybe you do need a job with less responsibility. However, I would hang in there to see if it gets better before you make the decision to find another job. But once you come to the point where you decide that the job is simply not manageable by you, then I would start looking for another job. At least you will go away knowing that you gave it your best effort.

I am just now looking for a job that will place me back into the computer field. The job may turn out to be very responsible and stressful. I do not know how I am going to handle that. I am scared just thinking about it. I suspect I will find myself in the same position you are in. I am a mere shadow of what I once was. So I am sorry you are going through this. But you are not alone.

Zigy · Dec 19, 2017, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I think I need a job with less responsibility. I've cried all morning.

I've worked the same job for over 20 years. There was a time I enjoyed it. But then I started taking various meds as my depression got worse and I'm finding the job increasingly difficult: being overwhelmed and having memory problems. I cry often too, even at work, when it gets to be too much to handle.

I know it doesn't help you much, but you're not the only one.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2017, 05:34 PM

Today I had a big huge meltdown in my car. It was awful. And I gave into the urges and have self harmed several times.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2017, 08:28 PM

Nothing is helping. I took a couple Ativan and cut a bunch and I'm still so upset

SorryShaped · Dec 19, 2017, 08:37 PM

Have you considered the hospital?

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2017, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Have you considered the hospital?

then id really be a failure. i was there in september this year and january. i cant afford it and besides im sucha weak human being i dont deserve to go. who lets career get them this befuddled? im literally cutting every couple hours and crying.

Victoria'smom · Dec 19, 2017, 08:47 PM

Can you call in until you feel a bit better?

Victoria'smom · Dec 19, 2017, 08:51 PM

You're not a failure and you deserve help.Please call your dr. and therapist tomorrow. You may avoid the hospital that way.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 19, 2017, 08:58 PM

i cant call in tomorrow. but i see both my pdoc and t on thursday.

Victoria'smom · Dec 19, 2017, 09:08 PM

Good, count the hours. Try putting lotion on the spots you want to SH and rub it on really hard. Take neosporin or peroxide and rub it into the cuts. Try your best not to make new marks. You can do this we're here for you.