[emgreen]

I still feel like a hypocrite for telling my T that I was safe last week...because I wasn't. I said,"I've been having really dark thoughts." She said, "Are you safe?" I said, "Yes." Doing garbage like that constitutes professional manipulation. She knew I wasn't OK, but I was closing the door on getting help. Selfish BS. If I would have done something, she might have felt somehow professionally responsible. I know they have defensive mechanisms to create space of their own, but the next time you plan a final exit, think about how it could potentially have an effect on professional judgements; I have respect for both my T & pdoc.

I'm still damned depressed, but the dark thoughts passed. I'll never go back to a hospital again, & I'm not ready to give up today. If there's one positive to having bipolar, it's the fact that somewhere deep in our brains, we know our emotional status will change. I'm going to stop therapy for a while because all a T can give you is tools to work yourself out...for those who can accomplish to beat deep depression with their T tools, that's great. It's sometimes an inside job. Not working for me lately, though...

I am very confused by your reasoning. And the use of the term “final exit” in your first paragraph.

Why do you believe that your therapist would manipulate you into lying about your well-being? You say she knew that you were not safe. But you don’t really provide any information proving otherwise. You lied and you have to take responsibility for your lie before you can analyze your analyst. Sometimes, we really do tell the truth, you know.

You are suggesting that your therapist would have felt a professional remorse, not responsibility. That’s me running away to the garage and telling my nanny how sorry she would be once I was gone. You close that paragraph saying that you have respect for your therapist but we don’t lie to therapists that we respect and we don’t accuse them of manipulation.

I am sorry that you are depressed. I am also not following your reasoning when you write of depression (‘dark thought’?), hospitalization and pondering the ‘good side’ of having a pretty severe life-infliction and then think that now is a good time to stop therapy.

Yes, you are right. Suppressing (I will not be so bold as to say that I have it beaten) depression is an inside job. But therapists/psychiatrists do more than dole out self-help tools. The best rationally challenge our thinking where it is crooked.

I haven’t any insight how you could have jumped through a flaming ring of professional manipulation and arrived on the side of discontinuing that professional service? At a time when you’re also saying that you are not safe?

I know that I am in disagreement with your introductory reasoning and on to the end. I know that I am discouraging self-help. If you begin with flawed reasoning maybe it is reasonable to think that your conclusion might be flawed, too?

[Vaporeon]

This is a personal choice, and really none of my business, but if I were you I wouldn't stop going to therapy for any amount of time. I'm happy to hear that you're feeling a little bit better, but I'm also concerned that you're now going to avoid your therapist because you feel like you deceived her or something. Don't remove a source of support, especially if you're still feeling depressed. *hugs*

[*Laurie*]

I completely agree with Vaporean.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Thinking of you.

[tecomsin]

I'm thinking of you too emgreen and want to support you in your decision to take a break from therapy.

[~Christina]

Im sorry your dealing with so much right now.

As for being honest with your T ... They have been around the block they know not everyone is going to be totally honest whether its due to trust for them or just self preservation, I know sounds weird when its about dark thoughts and possibly plans.

Why not continue to see your T .. it could be what keeps you out of IP ever again.

Stay safe

[Tucson]

I think it can be a mistake if you were to discontinue seeing your T. Personally, if I would see this as being me, I do not see you having given a good reason for this. But this is just what I think.

Take care