[batteries]

Did you develop psychosis later in life or did you always have it? I am bipolar type II, without psychosis, although developing it is a major fear of mine. If you have psychosis, what is it like? Do you remember developing psychosis, and if so, how did it originally manifest? From time to time I've had minor hallucinations, but I've always attributed them to my drug use in the past. I recently suffered from concussion, and during which, I heard mumbling and a woman's voice say, "Do you think she's finally hearing us?" which freaked me out quite a lot. I know that it probably means nothing, but I would like to know more about your own stories about psychosis and how it came to happen, or even what it is like.

Thank you in advance, <3

[Teddy Bear]

I had voices since I was little but my first episode was when I quit smoking marijuana

Apparently I get psychosis outside of mood episodes.

I'm 26, so I'm "young" to develop it?

I usually just get voices, sounds, paranoia, and visual stuff. Rarely delusions.

Examples: I've heard an iPhone ringing for 40 mins straight. I've had a lady and a man conversing with each other, where the man was in my right ear and the lady was in my left ear, and they made fun of me. I've also seen flashing lights and things like kids running across the road.

[Nola0250]

I am also type II. My pdoc said that if you are type II you will never turn in to type I. When I was a teenager (not diagnosed) i did sometimes see someone walking by out of the corner of my eye who was not there and I heard whispering around the corner. Nothing more though, and nothing for years.

[bpforever1]

I was 28 when I heard "voices". My initial diagnosis was schizophrenia then it changed to schizoaffective with bipolar. I was very stressed out when I heard them. They suddenly appeared in my head. I take Abilify now for this and mania. I have paranoia and delusions with my voices. However, over the years my paranoia and delusions have waned but the voices remained which is the reason for taking Abilify.

[jtassar93]

Started hearing things at like 15. I’m 24 now. I have voices, hallucinations, paranoia, delusions, and everything else. Diagnosed with just depression, panic dy, had, ocd, ptsd at first. I was too scared about mentioning hallucinations. In the end I was right because I was eventually hospitalized but I got a new diagnosis.

[stopchewinggum]

I started hearing voices and having delusions very young. I'm actually not quite sure how young, but they weren't prominent until I was around 19.

[hexacoda]

I was 29 years old at my first psychotic episode and 31 during the second. I was manic and it built up to psychosis.

[Victoria'smom]

I was around 8 when "Ana" showed up. I thought she'd go away when I was a normal weight. I was wrong. My head has "always" been loud with chatter.

[tecomsin]

I was in my mid 40s when I had my first full psychotic break with mania and ended up hospitalized. That was when i was doped up on 60 mg of celexa and couldn't relax or sleep but no one suspected bipolar. I had auditory hallucinations and frank delusions. I think all of my psychoses have been cannabis induced.

Psychosis is incredibly isolating. I can talk to my pdoc about it but that is it. And folks here. It means a lot to be able to share here.

[~Christina]

As far back as I can remember my head has been loud and messy , visual and auditory hallucinations.

I have had numerous breaks and needed IP

Sucks but it’s just part of my particular Bipolar soup

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I am also type II. My pdoc said that if you are type II you will never turn in to type I. When I was a teenager (not diagnosed) i did sometimes see someone walking by out of the corner of my eye who was not there and I heard whispering around the corner. Nothing more though, and nothing for years.

It only takes one manic episode to get BP 1 tag. It’s very common

[Guiness187055]

My last manic episode I did not remember because it was a psychotic episode. First one I have ever had and can't believe I blacked out for days during it.

[Nammu]

I've been told I was psychotic but don't really remember it, it's just fuzzy. Didn't happen till I had a severe depression at 28. Had a few after that but with treatment it goes away, though I get bouts of paranoia....that I can remember.

[HopeForChange]

I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 1 type, and frequently have psychosis. My delusions are present to one extent or another for most of my waking hours, but I only have hallucinations when manic (and I guess I also would also have hallucinations more often if I weren't on meds, but thankfully I'm one of the lucky ones who doesn't get many side effects, so I'm 100% adherent). Thanks to my antipsychotic, I can function even with the delusions present. I work part-time and am looking to transitioning back into full-time work. I also have two graduate-level degrees. It's not fun to have psychosis, but I feel like there's a lot of hope for managing it these days. That said, it took me a long time to get to this point, so patience is key. If I can be of any further help, just let me know. Oh...and one more thing...try not to worry too much about what might happen in the future. It's something I do a lot myself, so I know I'm a hypocrite for saying that...but the "what ifs" can make you crazy if you think too much about them

[taybaby]

I had been extremely paranoid my whole life, but the psychosis first started after I ate too many edibles. It went on for months because I refused to get help. I just sat in my parents basement for an entire summer because I was so terrified. I think I was 20?

I didn't have another episode until I was 24 (October), and this one landed me in the hospital.

I don't have (much) issues with psychosis anymore luckily but I think the paranoia will stick with me forever and I just have to live with it.

[Nola0250]

Interesting. I think that what he said was that the genetics for ADHD, Bipolar II, and OCD tend to travel together and if you're in that category, then you are not likely to end up becoming Bipolar I (my family has a big history of those 3). I don't know what data he is basing that on.

Anyway, I know that anything is possible and what will be will be, but I did feel reassured that getting medicated and under control as best as possible should at least minimize the chances of progression. I have a couple of long time friends who do have psychosis, one intermittently and the other chronically. I have some idea how hard it can be to live with that, so it was reassuring to me to hear that it's not the most likely outcome. No guarantees in this life but I do feel blessed right now because I know how much easier I am having it than a lot of folks.

[LacunaCoiler]

My first psychotic break happened in my early thirties. I don't have auditory hallucinations but I do see shadow people, and not just out of the corner of my eyes either. Straight up shadow people as if it was someone standing in front of me like any normal person would. Really scary to tell you the truth and not something I've gotten used to, I doubt I will ever get used to it to be honest. Scares the ***** out of me.

[HALLIEBETH87]

first time i was 28. its happened several times since then. im 30, almost 31 now.

I think I might have heard voices for a short time at 15 and maybe 21, but despite brief therapy (at 15) and a one-off visit to my university psychiatrist (referred by the university health center) I wasn't given a bipolar or any diagnosis to my knowledge. During my 20s I had 3 bad depressions and probably one full mania, but many long-term hypomanias. I saw GPs after that a few times for anxiety and depression, but they treated me incorrectly. I'd stop an antidepressant after days or a week because of mood switches. Then finally a GP referred me to my first serious psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with bipolar 2 after personally witnessing a hypomania. I quit him that day and didn't take the moodstabilizer he recommended.

It was only in my mid 30s that I had a string of severe manias with psychosis leading to hospitalizations and my bipolar 1 diagnosis. I think that years of being unmedicated, severe stressors, and alcohol abuse (likely self-medication) worsened my course. Three years of severe manias (often mixed) led to my worst depressions, one starting mixed with psychosis, ending as a pure depression without psychosis.

Though I had mood episodes since, I've only reached full blown mania two additional times, both with psychosis. Luckily my psychiatrist handled them outpatient. I've also had a few depressions, but relatively short-lived.

I, personally, have only become psychotic when manic or manic or depressed with mixed features. Never during pure depressions. Obviously, never during hypomanias since that's not possible unless from another cause (schizoaffective disorder, drug induced, physical, or other).

[Aviza]

Mine started at 32 following a the death of my dad, and subsequent divorce, and the custody loss of my children, I felt my brain crack and for 2 years I was a mess, than a med finally started to work. Than I was quote "normal" for 8 years took myself off the med and relapsed 3 years later. I really at one time thought I was healed, but now realize I cannot handle much stress. I was over stressed for years doctors told me to reduce my stress, I couldn't. I suspect I always had a mental health issue but the psychosis came on later in life.

[GoldenSnitch]

I had psychosis symptoms go undiagnosed starting from my early teen years.

[tecomsin]

Today I met a fellow from kijiji who had posted an ad that he wanted to talk about post psychosis recovery, so we met at a coffee shop...

it might be interesting to talk about that weird, shared experience that most people don't experience or can really empathize with.

But his experience was so different, I'm doubting what he had was much in common with what I had, which is kind of a mind opener because I had thought that psychosis is psychosis but it isn't that simple.

He had one episode 5 years ago, was hospitalized for a short time and that was it. Kept his job, kept his family, kept his life together. Then he said he never had a diagnosis and takes 25 mg of seroquel (and that dose it is a sleeping pill not an antipsychotic) and he worked through a trauma in his psychosis with the help of a woman he became fixated on but not sexual. He said the highest dose they ever gave him of seroquel was 100 mg... still not at psychosis levels.

Why is he looking to talk about psychosis when the last event for him was 5 years ago? I started to doubt his stories, and his whole presentation. He seemed fake.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Today I met a fellow from kijiji who had posted an ad that he wanted to talk about post psychosis recovery, so we met at a coffee shop...

it might be interesting to talk about that weird, shared experience that most people don't experience or can really empathize with.

But his experience was so different, I'm doubting what he had was much in common with what I had, which is kind of a mind opener because I had thought that psychosis is psychosis but it isn't that simple.

He had one episode 5 years ago, was hospitalized for a short time and that was it. Kept his job, kept his family, kept his life together. Then he said he never had a diagnosis and takes 25 mg of seroquel (and that dose it is a sleeping pill not an antipsychotic) and he worked through a trauma in his psychosis with the help of a woman he became fixated on but not sexual. He said the highest dose they ever gave him of seroquel was 100 mg... still not at psychosis levels.

Why is he looking to talk about psychosis when the last event for him was 5 years ago? I started to doubt his stories, and his whole presentation. He seemed fake.

I know someone who last had a psychotic episode 25yrs ago. They were diagnosed with BP1 and put on meds at the time. Very compliant. Has always worked. Has happily worked in the same job for last 10yrs. Married. So stable in fact that in 2014 after 7 years of continuous stability, pdoc trialled cutting back on meds = manic episode (no psychosis) =first hospitalisation in ages. Meds were increased and the person is back to normal. And they still talk about their psychotic episode.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I know someone who last had a psychotic episode 25yrs ago. They were diagnosed with BP1 and put on meds at the time. Very compliant. Has always worked. Has happily worked in the same job for last 10yrs. Married. So stable in fact that in 2014 after 7 years of continuous stability, pdoc trialled cutting back on meds = manic episode (no psychosis) =first hospitalisation in ages. Meds were increased and the person is back to normal. And they still talk about their psychotic episode.

Thanks for sharing that Pookyl. I wish that had been my life story, rather than a life that fell apart at the seams so to speak.

There's a lot I found fake after talking to that man for an hour or two.