Started my meds again...

I feel kind of lonely with this, so I'm just gonna write it here.

I went off my meds for about two months (I know, it was stupid), mostly because I was tired of being tired all the time and I was very convinced that I'm completely normal and don't need them at all.

I ended up ruining a long-term friendship by acting very selfishly, shopping too much, wasting all my money and I was cleaning obsessively. Compared to my earlier hypomanic episodes this one was different so that I could sleep more than usually in those states. In weird patterns, but yes I was able to sleep, and I think that's what stopped things going completely out of hands. During the christmas holidays I felt like some kind of crash is coming, I didn't have so much energy anymore and that's why I started the medication again as soon as I got money.

Now I feel somewhat depressed and low. I have had it much worse before but I'm so tired of this. I don't know if I should get my meds changed because everytime I'm on my meds, I either feel somewhat depressed or rarely "normal". And without meds I swing between too hyped and bad depression. Or maybe I should just wait til my current ones kick in properly.

I already regret writing this, I just guess I want to feel less alone or something. Ugh, I hope this will stop some day.

Sorry you're going through a rough time. Do you mind sharing what meds you're on and the doses? Big hugs.

I'm very small-sized so my doses aren't high.
I take Lexapro 5-10mg in the morning and Depakote 600mg before going to sleep.

Ralau
You're not alone!
I just went through a similar situation and also feel dumb for messing with things. It only took me a week to know I made an error. I'm still feeling it and wish I never messed around with my meds. Hang in there..

Thank you, it feels good to know I'm not alone.

I guess the most ironic thing is that after the weeks of obsessive cleaning, my house is just one big mess. Tbh I don't know if I should cry or laugh - I wish I could at least cry.

I’m sorry you are struggling. You’re definitely not alone! It might be beneficial to try another drug regimen that helps you feel less depressed and less lower than normal. There might be something better just around the corner right out of sight.

Is there anyway to get the dr to put you on less sedating medication?

When meds are stopped and started your brain has to figure out how to function again.. Meds take time to work so it takes time for your brain go back to premed..

Sadly many meds that are stopped might not work the same going back on them.. Sucks

Do you see a therapist to help you learn coping skills to help manage your Bipolar regardless on taking meds or not?

I don't have a dr contact like that, and getting to see one might take weeks or even months. I'm kind of scared of doctors, but if I don't get any better after some time, maybe I'll have to consider it.

~Christina, yes I do see a therapist but after I was put on medication we have been focusing on other things.