[SorryShaped]

I realize bipolar has no cure. It's ok.
I Tell myself the meds help, and they do. It's ok.
I look at myself in the mirror and want to smash the mirror but I don't do it. It's ok.
I know it's been a year and a day since the divorce and I do like someone but I think she wants to be with ANYONE else or probably better for her no one. It's ok.
I think about all the time I spend, all the money I spend, all the efforts I expend to try to improve me, I look for it in the mirror, and that's why I want to smash the mirror. It's ok.
I tell myself that I'm nothing in the Universe, a mere speck, and I fully accept this humbling notion of Truth. It's ok.
I know that the only person who told me "Happy Valentine's Day" was belated until the day after and by a desk clerk at the gym. I saw lots of other people. Some claimed to be friends even.
It's ok.
I know this does mean I'll be alone a long time and deserve to be alone.
It's ok.
I'll continue to buy ticket to events, one please, because that's all I have to go with me.
It's ok?

Yeah divorce...been there....still feeling after shocks 10 years later. Guys do it tough man. Chicks just hook up...

Your positive compass is your friend. But you're OK

[~Christina]

SS.... your doing all the right things. I’m currently wanting to sleep 23/7 so pat yourself on the back !!!

You have accepted many healthy things.

2ISAB I will politely disagree with your “ chicks just hook up” its ridiculous and rude.

[leomama]

Oh cmon. I divorced a dozen years ago. Yeah so bipolar has no cure but it does have treatment. It’s not a terminal illness.

[Moreta]

Smash the Mirror

Since all that's in my head is song lyrics. This one came up. heh.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

SS.... your doing all the right things. I’m currently wanting to sleep 23/7 so pat yourself on the back !!!

You have accepted many healthy things.

2ISAB I will politely disagree with your “ chicks just hook up” its ridiculous and rude.

Agree, disagree, it's all the same to me. I speak from what I've seen with my ex. My sisters, my cousin x2 and friends. The guy takes longer to move on. The truth IS rude.

i withdraw my last two statements

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by leomama

Oh cmon. I divorced a dozen years ago. Yeah so bipolar has no cure but it does have treatment. It’s not a terminal illness.

Suicide rate is EIGHT times higher than monopolar depression

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Smash the Mirror

Since all that's in my head is song lyrics. This one came up. heh.

I have songs stuck in my head too. They become my inner voice, because that's what I converse with most of the time, music.
"Tommy" is a great foray into what happens when a child becomes emotionally stunted from trauma. The Who's music always speaks to me. They were so much more than their contemporaries ever were.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by 2ISAB

Yeah divorce...been there....still feeling after shocks 10 years later. Guys do it tough man. Chicks just hook up...

Your positive compass is your friend. But you're OK

I have hooked up. It's fun at the time but not something I want all the time. For contests sake, I went nearly two years without sex while married. I want what I always wanted and never had, someone truly by and on my side.

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I have songs stuck in my head too. They become my inner voice, because that's what I converse with most of the time, music.
"Tommy" is a great foray into what happens when a child becomes emotionally stunted from trauma. The Who's music always speaks to me. They were so much more than their contemporaries ever were.

I love the who. There's a couple tracks I can't listen to though in Tommy. My dog blossom sat next to me while I listened to the CD this morning cause she gets excited when I sing and has to lick my face. So that's what we did this morning.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I love the who. There's a couple tracks I can't listen to though in Tommy. My dog blossom sat next to me while I listened to the CD this morning cause she gets excited when I sing and has to lick my face. So that's what we did this morning.

So awesome you have someone there

I am sorry I didn't wish you a happy valentines day. You are my friend and you matter.

If we lived closer I would be hanging out with you, no doubt about it. I know online isn't the same, but you are my friend as much as anyone. You are valued and I am always here for you.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I am sorry I didn't wish you a happy valentines day. You are my friend and you matter.

If we lived closer I would be hanging out with you, no doubt about it. I know online isn't the same, but you are my friend as much as anyone. You are valued and I am always here for you.

I felt like you said it anyway. Thanks. But, it was the in-person that hurt, more than hurt but hit home, the lack of in-person that showed me how alone I am to be.
Of course this is the first random song I hear today:

St Vincent "bring me your loves"

I wish it weren't Friday. I don't like not going to the gym for even one day.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Suicide rate is EIGHT times higher than monopolar depression

Ok I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation over half my life. Your point?

[pirilin]

Yes, it is!.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by leomama

Ok I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation over half my life. Your point?

The suicide rate being so high for bipolar patients, would indicate that bipolar is very frequently a terminal illness. Someone with bipolar that ends their life, by succumbing to their disease or condition, is to be considered a terminal patient by definition. These are only the diagnosed ones, those who have sought help, the known bipolar patients.
And I've dealt with SI for 35 years. I know it well. I'm not seeking death as a way out of it any more, because life has things that are worth my time. Life is time. Living is what you do with your time. I need to live better. Somehow, I equate love with being alive, and though I have a lot of it to give, I don't know where to give it. I feel Lost, truly, in a whirl of possibilities and with a compass that never worked.
I'm going to have to help that seven year old me first, through the CEN, through the molestations, through the bullies, through everything that's managed to mangle me and entangle me, before I know what true Joy is. I seek guidance, but am noticing that nobody has one damn clue what they are doing any more than I do.
I'll be alone. I'll be broken.
It's ok.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

The suicide rate being so high for bipolar patients, would indicate that bipolar is very frequently a terminal illness. Someone with bipolar that ends their life, by succumbing to their disease or condition, is to be considered a terminal patient by definition. These are only the diagnosed ones, those who have sought help, the known bipolar patients.
And I've dealt with SI for 35 years. I know it well. I'm not seeking death as a way out of it any more, because life has things that are worth my time. Life is time. Living is what you do with your time. I need to live better. Somehow, I equate love with being alive, and though I have a lot of it to give, I don't know where to give it. I feel Lost, truly, in a whirl of possibilities and with a compass that never worked.
I'm going to have to help that seven year old me first, through the CEN, through the molestations, through the bullies, through everything that's managed to mangle me and entangle me, before I know what true Joy is. I seek guidance, but am noticing that nobody has one damn clue what they are doing any more than I do.
I'll be alone. I'll be broken.
It's ok.

Ok. I still don’t see your point.

[Pheasant11]

[QUOTE=leomama;6020083]Oh cmon. I divorced a dozen years ago. Yeah so bipolar has no cure...
I’m not trying to be confrontational but I strongly disagree with your post. Would you tell someone “diabetes has no cure but get over it”? I feel offended when others say this type of c**p to me. It hurts to hear someone suffering from the same disease dismiss it. I’m sorry if this sounds aggressive.

[SorryShaped]

[QUOTE=Pheasant11;6020723]

Originally Posted by leomama

Oh cmon. I divorced a dozen years ago. Yeah so bipolar has no cure...
I’m not trying to be confrontational but I strongly disagree with your post. Would you tell someone “diabetes has no cure but get over it”? I feel offended when others say this type of c**p to me. It hurts to hear someone suffering from the same disease dismiss it. I’m sorry if this sounds aggressive.

It doesn't seem aggressive in the least, and probably should be addressed, but I don't have the ability. There's not always an easy solution.
Maybe I should just "get over being having bipolar." There could be wisdom in that. Getting over the hurting is certainly essential to happiness. That sounds nice. Getting over the lack of control might be not so good. That could be an easy justification for mania. Getting over depression would be so nice! Loneliness? How? How can we?
If only.
It's ok?

[leomama]

[QUOTE=Pheasant11;6020723]

Originally Posted by leomama

Oh cmon. I divorced a dozen years ago. Yeah so bipolar has no cure...

I’m not trying to be confrontational but I strongly disagree with your post. Would you tell someone “diabetes has no cure but get over it”? I feel offended when others say this type of c**p to me. It hurts to hear someone suffering from the same disease dismiss it. I’m sorry if this sounds aggressive.

What exactly are you looking for here?

[leomama]

[QUOTE=SorryShaped;6020757]

Originally Posted by Pheasant11

It doesn't seem aggressive in the least, and probably should be addressed, but I don't have the ability. There's not always an easy solution.
Maybe I should just "get over being having bipolar." There could be wisdom in that. Getting over the hurting is certainly essential to happiness. That sounds nice. Getting over the lack of control might be not so good. That could be an easy justification for mania. Getting over depression would be so nice! Loneliness? How? How can we?
If only.
It's ok?

Acceptance is always a good policy.

[Pheasant11]

[QUOTE=leomama;6020935]

Originally Posted by Pheasant11

What exactly are you looking for here?

I’m not looking for anything. I have a difference of opinion with you. But thank you for reminding me of the closed mindedness of so many people. I think this is my last post here. Way to be supportive.

[leomama]

[QUOTE=Pheasant11;6021001]

Originally Posted by leomama

I’m not looking for anything. I have a difference of opinion with you. But thank you for reminding me of the closed mindedness of so many people. I think this is my last post here. Way to be supportive.

Are you suggesting I’m close minded?

[SorryShaped]

Two people have hijacked my thread. Stop it