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#1
Feb 07, 2018, 11:34 AM
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I know it's not terribly uncommon for one with bipolar to miss the manic states, and this is what I'm going through right now.
A couple months ago I entered the most intense mixed episode I've ever had to date. I recall it feeling horrible and hellish but at the same time everything seemed so beautiful. I was so upbeat in a self-destructive way. It was nothing like I had experienced before. A big part of me misses the preceding hypomania as I was able to get so many things done and feel so positive about the future. I felt like a better person. I want to feel this again, despite the risks. I guess I just need someone to talk me out of this way of thinking as I know deep down that it will only lead to ruin.
__________________
I>/\\/ Dx: Bipolar I w/ mixed features, BPD, ADHD, Anxiety, Gender dysphoria, ASD |
 Sunflower123
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#2
Feb 07, 2018, 11:48 AM
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Is it really a risk or a known result?
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| Sunflower123
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#3
Feb 07, 2018, 12:01 PM
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Well seeing as everyone thought I was on drugs and I was hospitalized for it, I'd say there are some risks. There's also the possibility of the next episode being even worse thanks to the kindling theory.
__________________
I>/\\/ Dx: Bipolar I w/ mixed features, BPD, ADHD, Anxiety, Gender dysphoria, ASD |
| Sunflower123
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#4
Feb 07, 2018, 12:04 PM
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My known result is always a depressive spike. Sometimes mild, but always happens, like being slammed onto the ground, only much more painful. I'm in one now but I don't remember the mania for it this time.
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| Sunflower123
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#5
Feb 07, 2018, 12:12 PM
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The key is to remember how self-destructive you were during your manic episode. During that time, you literally lose control over your thoughts and your judgement is severely impaired. The risk and what you put your loved ones through is not worth it. If your manic episode resulting in hospitalization was anything like mine, you could have died.
The best thing you can do is to find a solid support system who is there for you. Having those type of relationships is much more satisfying than the out of body experience that results in self-destruction. Although my future leaves me feeling uncertain, let yourself dream and brainstorm where you want to take your future. Lean on your support network for ideas. What do you want your future to be like? Do you see it tied in art or some other creative endeavor? What's holding you back now? A book that really helped me better understand how bipolar affected me is here: https://www.amazon.com/Marbles-Depre.../dp/1592407323
__________________
Bipolar Type I | 40 mg of Latuda, 0.5 mg of Xanax | Diagnosed August 27 2013 |
| Sunflower123
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