It's just one of them periods where you can't even find the strength to get up in the morning... I'm so tired of fighting for a good day....

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Brentus

It's just one of them periods where you can't even find the strength to get up in the morning... I'm so tired of fighting for a good day....

It's not a fight. It's a choice in outlook.

[seoultous]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It's not a fight. It's a choice in outlook.

I am not sure what you mean. Bipolar messes with one's outlook. Your comment suggests that the OP could make different choices. Please elaborate. When I am extremely depressed, I am not really in a position to make a different choice in my outlook. That's why people is real distress choose IP care.

I was there last summer. It’s so hard.

I went to the pdoc and demanded help. I hope you go.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by seoultous

I am not sure what you mean. Bipolar messes with one's outlook. Your comment suggests that the OP could make different choices. Please elaborate. When I am extremely depressed, I am not really in a position to make a different choice in my outlook. That's why people is real distress choose IP care.

Bipolar does mess with everything. You're absolutely correct. There are still minor choices, even under the worst of brain chemical imbalances, that will help to change outlook. My therapist does try and everyone at the hospital tried to ingrain that in me. I can still choose to be happy. I can rarely just get over it, when I'm in the fog of depression, but I can do things that being me Joy anyway, because they will still feel good and will still give me good brain chemicals.
For an example... Working out releases all kinds of happy chemicals. When I'm even on the edge of hope and half gone, I still force myself to go to the gym. I might cry my way through a yoga class or for a couple miles on the elliptical, but I do feel better when I'm done, even though I'm still somewhat depressed. It's not as bad as before I started.
A yoga friend today was talking about how she felt so embarrassed being upset over someone she loves getting very close to death, and knowing it will be soon. She said she had tears in her eyes when she got there late, and said she cried through class. I saw that the tears were still there after. We talked a few minutes and I gave her a hug. She thanked me and told me she never knew yoga could make you cry that much. I explained that it's done that to me many times. She felt better afterwards though. And I could tell she did.

I should probably clarify my position too -- I am not suicidal, or near that -- just defeated inside. I can't afford to stop the world around me to catch up (call into work, or the opposite extreme work extra hours etc. or at worst in patient..). I can't afford my therapist right now so I'm just having to rely on those coping skills I learned. It still makes it damn hard everyday. There has got to be more to life than this -- I know there is, I've experienced it. This isn't OK. This isn't me... I don't want to live like this.

[leomama]

My child, my job, and my religion all get me up every day.

[LadyShadow]

It's a battle, that is ongoing. You fight really hard, and there is no "off" switch for it. Trust me I understand. Are you on any meds? Do you take them at the same time every day? Do you sleep every day? Are you able to get up and take a shower?

I know those might seem like silly questions, but simple rituals of self-care can help bring your head above water, (kinda like what I feel like the answer of changing of outlook means to me).

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Brentus

I should probably clarify my position too -- I am not suicidal, or near that -- just defeated inside. I can't afford to stop the world around me to catch up (call into work, or the opposite extreme work extra hours etc. or at worst in patient..). I can't afford my therapist right now so I'm just having to rely on those coping skills I learned. It still makes it damn hard everyday. There has got to be more to life than this -- I know there is, I've experienced it. This isn't OK. This isn't me... I don't want to live like this.

You are as normal as most people in the planet. And, they don't want to live like this either. Find your happy. It's not solely a brain chemicals thing. It's an inner feeling that you get knowing you're doing something right, doing something for you, and not against anyone.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

It's a battle, that is ongoing. You fight really hard, and there is no "off" switch for it. Trust me I understand. Are you on any meds? Do you take them at the same time every day? Do you sleep every day? Are you able to get up and take a shower?

I know those might seem like silly questions, but simple rituals of self-care can help bring your head above water, (kinda like what I feel like the answer of changing of outlook means to me).

Yessssssssssss

I thank you guys for your positive responses. They are insightful and helpful. I do take medicine and I do find time to bathe every night. A routine does really help. As far as finding my happy -- thats the issue. My happy stops working. The most recent example was prayer. It was doing a lot for me and now I cant seem to even get the energy to do it. Videogames used to distract me but no longer have appeal, I don't feel like talking on the phone, going for walks etc. Even when I force myself -- there isn't any joy in it. It's just me making myself drudge through. Any tips to help with that problem?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Brentus

I thank you guys for your positive responses. They are insightful and helpful. I do take medicine and I do find time to bathe every night. A routine does really help. As far as finding my happy -- thats the issue. My happy stops working. The most recent example was prayer. It was doing a lot for me and now I cant seem to even get the energy to do it. Videogames used to distract me but no longer have appeal, I don't feel like talking on the phone, going for walks etc. Even when I force myself -- there isn't any joy in it. It's just me making myself drudge through. Any tips to help with that problem?

You like videogames. Let's go that route. Find the dumbest game you've ever played. Play it again, from the beginning, but pretend that you're the dumbest guy in the world playing it. Make fun of how terrible it is. Enjoy that it's coded poorly. Laugh at yourself for getting through the sections that aren't made right. I do this all the time and end up loving games that I thought were the stupidest thing ever. It's how I got my avatar pic for here.
If you can do that, you can do it with life.
If you just want a different racing game to play around in, I have a Steam code I can give you for GRID 2. I already owned the game and it came in a different humble bundle.

[Tucson]

Perhaps you need to find another person that goes out and does something, like walking. They can keep after you until you comply by getting out of bed, dressing, and then going with them. They do have to be a determined person in order to be able to do this with you. Perhaps even a family member or friend. I understand you may not ave access to such a person, but I thought this is worth suggesting to you.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Brentus

I thank you guys for your positive responses. They are insightful and helpful. I do take medicine and I do find time to bathe every night. A routine does really help. As far as finding my happy -- thats the issue. My happy stops working. The most recent example was prayer. It was doing a lot for me and now I cant seem to even get the energy to do it. Videogames used to distract me but no longer have appeal, I don't feel like talking on the phone, going for walks etc. Even when I force myself -- there isn't any joy in it. It's just me making myself drudge through. Any tips to help with that problem?

Yes. My thought is that you need to have your medication reviewed and perhaps changed in some way.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

.... I can still choose to be happy. I can rarely just get over it, when I'm in the fog of depression, but I can do things that being me Joy anyway, because they will still feel good and will still give me good brain chemicals.....

Geeezusss. Please stop.

If one is truly, clinically depressed, without any mania or psychosis involved, nothing one chooses (except medical care) can make one "happy".