Wish I didn't have to say I'm doing unwell

I was mentioning to my hubby this morning that I haven't felt especially happy (Well, maybe I mean mildly hypomanic at the least) for more time than I can remember. I don't know. A year? Anyway, I have been what one could consider "stable" during this year, perhaps more often than not. But various triggers have pushed me down for a while for periods, as well.

It was almost one year ago that my pet parrot of 15 years died. Obviously that pushed my mood downward. Then in June of last year my close nephew committed suicide. I managed to get back on track maybe six weeks later, then I got depressed around Thanksgiving. I was OK through Christmas and New Years, but now am experiencing a low again perhaps triggered by the retirement of my therapist of 4.5 years. I want a break!

I need my support system. I have my hubby and psychiatrist. That's pretty much all now that my therapist is stopping her practice. I am not in the right mood to start a new therapy relationship. Sometimes my brother visits me (maybe every 3 months), but my dad hardly even calls me. I hardly ever talk to my sister either, even though they all live within 35 mins of me by car. And yet, I can't get myself to call them either. I just don't want to. My dad never wants to talk to me when my mood is low. My sister doesn't really need it either, especially since her son died. So I just now have my hubby and psychiatrist.

But I feel bad even saying my mood is plummeting to my hubby and psychiatrist. For hubby, I feel he just needs this to stop so he can enjoy life better long-term. For my psychiatrist, I don't know. It's hard to explain why I don't want to tell him. Maybe because in a way I regard him as a second father. I see him much more than I see my own father.

I'm so sorry, you've been through a lot this last year. Big hugs your way!!

I am sorry for all you have endured. I sometimes feel like life just keeps coming in waves and all you need is some calm. I hope you get some of that calm and a chance to feel better.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've noted you're always so supportive of others here on PC, so I hope you're getting the support you deserve. Karma works sometimes.

Hugs BD.

Thanks so much to all of you! I really did need the support. Thank you for enduring my pity party.

I saw my psychiatrist today. I did let him know how I'm doing. He was thinking of adjusting my Seroquel XR, but wants to wait first to see if my mood changes after seeing my upcoming new therapist. He is always so sweet and supportive. I was telling him that I didn't want to even cook dinner tonight, on Valentine's Day. He pretty much gave me a push, so I'll do it. I even told him it's a sort of naughty meal and he gave me the OK anyway. The meal will include grapefruit and liquors. One of my medications interacts with grapefruit and he really doesn't want me to come close to alcohol at all, even though I have finally convinced him that I'm not an alcoholic. I told him that probably the most dangerous thing about it will be the flambe step.

I'll be glad when this week is over. Tomorrow I have to go to an evening class, but hubby is going with me, so that will help.

Enduring your pity party??!! No worries, it was no such thing! You're short on support system right now, and that's why we're here -- to listen and support, and you've had some troubles indeed. Gotta let it out somewhere. It's not a pity party, ok? We're all in this together, talking our way through.

Hope you have a nice dinner, BirdDancer!

I’m so sorry for your loss of both your nephew and long term T retiring, that I can relate I have seen my new T 3 times and I’m not sure it’s going to work but I’ll try.

It’s okay to not be okay , your not a bother, whining or pathetic, your in need of support and need it a lot right now.

Advice ? Hell my life is a mess tbh so I don’t have any but I’m here and I can relate.

Loads of hugs !!