[Leia78]

The not sleeping, racing thoughts and now depression on top of it has finally broken me down. I can't take it. I've been stable for awhile and I feel like a failure. My husband doesn't get it so I have to pretend to be ok. My insides are going at sound breaking speed, I can't sit still, I'm overly angry and irritated and I'm tired but I'm not. I feel like ripping my skin off. I hate feeling this way and my pdoc will not return my call about not being able to sleep. I want to scream at everybody. I am so messed up.

[99fairies]

That sounds awful. I wish you could be honest with your husband, sounds like you need support right now. You're in my thoughts and I hope your pdoc calls you back soon. Big hugs.

[GoldenSnitch]

Sounds like you are going through something awful. Mixed episodes are terrible. I’m sorry that you don’t have support from your husband. I hope that this episode passes or your doc gets back to you soon.

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

I am sorry you are going through this, i totally understand where you're coming from. You're not a failure! Nothing about this is your fault, and you know that deep down.

Has your husband ever been open to learning details about BP at all? Have you offered him materials to read or asked him to try? I think it is important for our significant others to gain at least a basic understanding of what we are going through, even though trying to describe how we feel to them and making them understand is like explaining color to a blind person.

You got this.

[ncrust]

This sounds really awful. Try to understand what bothers you, what causes your anger. Read psalm. Really helps. Medication for depressed souls.

[Leia78]

I'm still in bad shape. I've called my pdoc 3 days in a row and still no return call. I'm in tears. I can't get anything done but I can't sit still. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't stop this soon, if I don't get to sleep soon. I can't stand it. I've been in mixed states before and ended up in the hospital. I do not want to end up there again. If I could just sleep, I could break this I think.

I don't know what else to do.

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

Originally Posted by Leia78

I've called my pdoc 3 days in a row and still no return call.

Long shot, but if you have reliable transportation, have you considered going to his/her office and demand to be seen? Since they don't feel like returning calls, that will give you ammunition and sympathy (hopefully) from the staff. Hugs

[RainyDay107]

Sending you a PM. I signed up at your blog, nice!

I have no advice, but wanted to send a hug.

[Unrigged64072835]

Is there a pdoc on call, or a crisis line? I'd also vote for just showing up there.

Hope this ends soon with you feeling better.

Sorry to hear your husband doesn't support you.

[Wild Coyote]

It has been awhile since your original post.
I have read your more recent thread and am glad you are feeling better!


WC