Not having a good day

Today has been pretty rough. I’ve posted about it in the check in but feel I need to write a post if for no other reason than to get it out of me.

I feel like a cornered animal. I am extremely anxious and feel like I could lose control at any moment. It’s been that way since the moment I woke up. Actually I went to bed like this. I stayed up late last night but slept straight through til my normal wake up time so I’m not thinking it’s mixed, just unbelievably severe anxiety. I can’t eat today; so far I’ve had a protein shake and half a tuna sandwich. My stomach is all messed up.

I feel like either something awful is going to happen OR I might be reliving the night I found my husband. I am not having visual flashbacks but the same feeling of doom and despair is there. I did have a couple of triggering workshops today. Very interesting but probably not the best things to have taken. I don’t know if this is triggering this horrible situation.

Like it’s so bad I’m considering going to the ER for this all consuming panic but I’m afraid they won’t do anything for me (all I want is a couple of benzos). Plus I don’t want to be exposed to the flu. I wish I knew my pdoc well enough to call her. She wouldn’t prescribe anything over the phone though, she’s only met me once. And she’s an addictions pdoc as well so I’m sure she doesn’t give out benzos lightly, if at all.

I did do a short meditation that helped slightly. Maybe if I can just make it home I can do several of them or a longer one.

I’m actually sitting outside my t’s office right now, I’ll see her In about 15 minutes. I usually feel much better after meeting with her so I hope she can help me this time.

Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it out, sorry to take up board space!

Please, no apologies!

It sound like you are suffering PTSD.

Please do check in with your pdoc. Contacting her is how she gets to know you and... she may be very helpful?

I hope your therapy appointment is helpful.

Will check in again to see how you are doing.


WC

Hugs!! I hope the t appt is of some help to you. And please don't apolize for posting, always post so we can try to support you.

Yeah addiction can make you feel miserable. I'm trying to get a grip on opioid addiction and feeling like crap is starting to become enjoyable...

Yep, you read right. Times like this where we need to try and not let panic take over, because radical behavior only lands us in ****. I got flagged when I tried to explain to my doc that I needed the pills to feel motivated lol....well, it's not really funny because he cut me off. Appointment much mixed emotions.. I just want to be drug free. Even if it's 'just' prescription.

Hop into my boat if yours starts sinking haha

Hugs wildflowerchild25
I hope your appointment with your T was helpful and that tomorrow is better.

I am so sorry

That sounds tough to deal with. I’m sorry you’re suffering. Hope this passes soon. Sending big hugs your way.

She doesn’t have an addiction.

Hun I’m so sorry that your being triggered. I kind of thought these workshops would hit you pretty hard.

Did seeing your T help????

Many many hugs

My therapist helped me bring my distress level down enough to be able to talk. We did paced breathing for about five minutes (which she coached me through). She got me a bottle of cold water to hold as well. It all helped a little bit. I briefly touched on my anger toward my husband. Just said as much as I could handle. We talked about what I could do tomorrow if I woke up feeling the same as I did today. Unfortunately my mind is going in a million different directions and I can’t remember exactly what we said. I know she told me to bring some ice to work and to go to my car and do insight timer meditations if I need to. Right now I don’t feel like I can go in tomorrow at all. But I might feel better if I get some sleep.

Now that my mom left I’m feeling anxious again. I think I’m gonna take a hot shower in a little while to try to relax before bed. It might be too warm for my weighted blanket but I’m gonna try.

She implied that all she wants are benzos. To be specific about what we want compared to what we need is a course line. No doctor will give you what you want, well not the ones who actually care. Seeing this forums posts, most people are discussing drugs. Prescription is no exception.

I hope you have a peaceful, restful night.

WC

I’m glad your T helped you.
I really think you can push through this..... you are so strong.



2lsab I won’t hijack this thread , if you want to discuss this PM me.

I just meant for today, to help with this panic. I have never abused benzos or any other drug. I do appreciate your post, it’s just that my husband died of an opioid overdose, so addiction and particularly opioid addiction is a sensitive topic for me. I do wish you well and hope you can continue in your recovery. Remember what can happen.

Okidoki I hope everyone's day improves. I really do.

I hope you do rest and sleep well tonight.
benadryl can help you sleep, if you need it.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Well I managed to eat something and take a shower. I am having self harm thoughts but they are not intrusive or overwhelming atm. I am cuddled under my weighted blanket listening to music. I will be going to sleep shortly. I am exhausted from dealing with this all day. Thanks to everyone who offered support! It is much appreciated.

It's good you want to be drug free, but She doesn't have an addiction. She is struggling with something completely different.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. Please continue to take care and be gentle with yourself.

Sleep well

She's already established that with me, my only apology is to her for me setting of alarm bells.

I hope you sleep good tonight and feel better tomorrow.

Currently sitting in my car willing myself to go back in. I wrote down the answers to today’s worksheet but I don’t understand how to do them. I want to throw up. My therapist warned me that I would probably have residual anxiety today so this was expected but it doesn’t make it any more pleasant. I’m going to make it through the day, I always do (except for the day before my breakdown in October).

High self harm thoughts that are moderately intrusive today. Starting to feel sensations and see images, but still not uncontrollable yet. It’s just my common reaction to prolonged stress. I don’t have any means here at work anyway.

**** I hate this. I need a solution. Sometimes my therapist says I should just accept it without judgement (DBT concept) but I haven’t been able to do that yet. I don’t want to feel like ****. But she says it won’t kill me. Which is true.

Accepting without judgement is hard, but remember, even if you don't feel you're succeeding at it, your knowing of it and working on it puts you ahead of the average bear! (Who don't even recognize the value of psychological tools and toolboxes.)

I hope the day eases for you. Sending many hugs your way!

I'm sorry you're having such a touch time, wildflower. I hope you feel better soon.