[Miss Laura]

I have very few friends because of this stupid illness. I lost all my work colleagues when I lost my job. I've lost 6 friends since 2012 just cause they can't deal with my moods when I'm depressed I'm apparently too difficult to handle I go in circles and when I'm manic I'm too difficult to handle cause of my actions.

When I was manic recently I confided in my remaining 2 friends. They made me contact my mental health team as they said I was in crisis. I wasn't but I followed their advice. I texted them the outcome.... no response. I saw my Nurse for the last time as he is retiring and we spoke about my 'crisis'.... again I texted them and again no response. That was over a week ago.

We have had sever snow and temperatures have hit -13 so I texted them and said be careful on the roads as both are drivers. Still no response even though they have received and read ALL my messages. It's done on WhatsApp so I can see.

I'm so frustrated at myself for being such a loser. I was in tears last night cause I'm so alone in this s@@@@y world. I just want friends who know who I am with and without mental health. They both have known me over 10 years. But I'm afraid I have burnt my bridges with them. A girl I chat to online said to contact them again as they are on FB constantly. So I contacted my friend through FB messenger and she read the message but didn't respond. I'm feeling really hurt.

Do others find bp has ruined their relationships?

[SorryShaped]

I've lost friends like how you're describing. I'm going to call them "fair mood friends." Some people just suck at being people, and you're going to have to move on to better. I say this, needing people desperately in my life and am afraid today will go weirdly but I live on the edge of tfwo.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are going through this.

I have lost friendships mainly because I don't have the energy to keep up with them.


WC

My last friend moved away. I’ve got just my daughter now.

I think my anxiety has been a problem in my case.

Also, a lot of people descended on me then pulled away when my husband passed away. This is a common, I learned from grief support group.

The closest thing I have to people to talk to on a daily basis is here and a few people I email intermittently from...here. I really need this site to talk.

[Nola0250]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I have very few friends because of this stupid illness. I lost all my work colleagues when I lost my job. I've lost 6 friends since 2012 just cause they can't deal with my moods when I'm depressed I'm apparently too difficult to handle I go in circles and when I'm manic I'm too difficult to handle cause of my actions.

When I was manic recently I confided in my remaining 2 friends. They made me contact my mental health team as they said I was in crisis. I wasn't but I followed their advice. I texted them the outcome.... no response. I saw my Nurse for the last time as he is retiring and we spoke about my 'crisis'.... again I texted them and again no response. That was over a week ago.

We have had sever snow and temperatures have hit -13 so I texted them and said be careful on the roads as both are drivers. Still no response even though they have received and read ALL my messages. It's done on WhatsApp so I can see.

I'm so frustrated at myself for being such a loser. I was in tears last night cause I'm so alone in this s@@@@y world. I just want friends who know who I am with and without mental health. They both have known me over 10 years. But I'm afraid I have burnt my bridges with them. A girl I chat to online said to contact them again as they are on FB constantly. So I contacted my friend through FB messenger and she read the message but didn't respond. I'm feeling really hurt.

Do others find bp has ruined their relationships?

I made the mistake of confiding in a very close friend recently shortly after I was diagnosed. I thought she would understand because her sister is an undiagnosed but classic BP I and I thought she would not be threatened by it because I am BP II, fairly mild (at least in the symptoms I'm not able to internalize and hide), and would not be likely to treat her like her sister does. Also I've known her for more than 10 years and been close for most of that.

At first she tried to convince me I didn't have it. Then when she "got it" she started monitoring me, checking in with me several times a day. Would not believe when I said I was ok and would tell her if I needed help. I was just lonely in the diagnosis and wanted to talk to someone in person who (I thought) would understand.

Now she's distancing herself. I feel like I should have known better than to trust another non-bipolar person with this information. Everyone on here is great. But I do long to look someone in the eye who really gets it (other than my pdoc) and have a conversation about the mutual challenges we're facing. It's not fair that it's this stigmatized and isolating.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I made the mistake of confiding in a very close friend recently shortly after I was diagnosed. I thought she would understand because her sister is an undiagnosed but classic BP I and I thought she would not be threatened by it because I am BP II, fairly mild (at least in the symptoms I'm not able to internalize and hide), and would not be likely to treat her like her sister does. Also I've known her for more than 10 years and been close for most of that.

At first she tried to convince me I didn't have it. Then when she "got it" she started monitoring me, checking in with me several times a day. Would not believe when I said I was ok and would tell her if I needed help. I was just lonely in the diagnosis and wanted to talk to someone in person who (I thought) would understand.

Now she's distancing herself. I feel like I should have known better than to trust another non-bipolar person with this information. Everyone on here is great. But I do long to look someone in the eye who really gets it (other than my pdoc) and have a conversation about the mutual challenges we're facing. It's not fair that it's this stigmatized and isolating.

I am so sorry this is happening with your friend.
No, it's not fair!
I hope you find a friend who won't freak out and will not let you down.


WC

[LadyShadow]

Hello Miss Laura,

Its amazing you know, I had a VERY similar thing happen to me recently, with two friends I reconnected with who I knew years ago. I had to make the decision to walk away ultimately, because it was causing me real distress.

I did learn something that I am going to share with you now:

We can't control a person's actions, (in this case your friends). I know there is a lot of history between you and these friends and it hurts like Holy Hell. I know, trust me, I just went through this. I take comfort in the fact that what they choose to do is not in my control, and no matter how much I WILL someone to contact me, it's STILL up to them to make that move.

I know it hurts dearest Laura, and I know how bad it feels to be in isolation with a need for friendships. What I have done, is appreciate my online connections for now, (those here on PC and other places online), while I make plans to get out and join MeetUp Groups when the weather gets warmer.

The stigma is HORRIBLE about our condition, but we can't change people's views of us or make them be our friends. Its so unfair, but we can't let that deter us from trying anyway.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you make new connections in the future

[Victoria'smom]

I lost all of my friends either having my son or getting married both of us did. We have one mutual friend that stuck around. Even after we got dx'd and even called me in the hospital. Besides him I have no friends.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I made the mistake of confiding in a very close friend recently shortly after I was diagnosed. I thought she would understand because her sister is an undiagnosed but classic BP I and I thought she would not be threatened by it because I am BP II, fairly mild (at least in the symptoms I'm not able to internalize and hide), and would not be likely to treat her like her sister does. Also I've known her for more than 10 years and been close for most of that.

At first she tried to convince me I didn't have it. Then when she "got it" she started monitoring me, checking in with me several times a day. Would not believe when I said I was ok and would tell her if I needed help. I was just lonely in the diagnosis and wanted to talk to someone in person who (I thought) would get it.


Now she's distancing herself. I feel like I should have known better than to trust another non-bipolar person with this information. Everyone on here is great. But I do long to look someone in the eye who really gets it (other than my pdoc) and have a conversation about the mutual challenges we're facing. It's not fair that it's this stigmatized and isolating.

—-support groups r great. Try dbsa, Nami or a local group.

[Nola0250]

Originally Posted by luvyrself

—-support groups r great. Try dbsa, Nami or a local group.

Unfortunately the local NAMI BP group meets where I work. What luck. No go. No other one within reasonable driving distance.

[tecomsin]

Laura,

It's so hard to feel this isolation, this loss of friendship. Yes I've also lost friends for similar reasons to you. It's painful when they stop communicating back. I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a big hug and we could feel the companionship of each other's presence. This place has at times been my last rope, my last thread, but i see better days ahead one day.

I've had friends who have broken off completely and others who have distanced themselves and there is really no way to sugar-coat the pain when one has so few connections to begin with.

Keep posting, you have friends here.

[Teddy Bear]

What I get is some text from old friends on Facebook. I don't have any friends that I hang out with

[SorryShaped]

I had four people tell me they'd be at the gym today. Zero.
I'm not important enough. It's ok. I understand.

[Nola0250]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I had four people tell me they'd be at the gym today. Zero.
I'm not important enough. It's ok. I understand.

When I feel rejected by a friend, I have a hard time with NOT making it about me. Sometimes it is. My story above is, and I'm not trying to say that your's isnt. Just putting it out there, I know sometimes it's really about THEM, not me. I need to remember that.

[Guiness187055]

I tend to isolate and lose a lot of my friends that way. I really have no friends anymore.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

When I feel rejected by a friend, I have a hard time with NOT making it about me. Sometimes it is. My story above is, and I'm not trying to say that your's isnt. Just putting it out there, I know sometimes it's really about THEM, not me. I need to remember that.

Being they don't tell me why or anything, I know only the info I have. That info is that it's me, not them.
That sounds about familiar?

[Nola0250]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Being they don't tell me why or anything, I know only the info I have. That info is that it's me, not them.
That sounds about familiar?

Yup. To emphasize, I don’t doubt that your friends are truly distancing themselves. Mine is, too.

I just know that (1) sometimes I overreact and it isn’t really about me they just have something going on their life that I don’t know about or (2) they really are freaked out about me being bipolar but may come around with time. Just wanted to share.

I agree the situation you described sounds like they are avoiding you.

[SorryShaped]

My inviting anyone to yoga is me trying to share my spiritual practice. It's no different than someone inviting you to Sunday school. If you already practice, it shouldn't be an issue to go. Ditching me is not nice, but I know I'm a mess. I'm not going to try with others at this point. I'm not making more efforts because they don't try back. That hurts more than the loneliness. Telling me you will then you don't hurts me everywhere. I'm not sharing my schedule any more either.

[xRavenx]

I'm so sorry you are struggling. It is so hard to feel so alone. Even for those of us that are introverted need to feel supported and cared about. Feeling rejected is an awful feeling as well. It sucks to have "fair weathered friends," and I've struggled with that too. A lot of people don't take the time out to really learn about Bipolar Disorder, and things would be so much better if people would show more empathy.

I feel that Bipolar does interfere with my relationships at times. I wish that I had more of the ability to keep up with people and socialize more. Sometimes depression interferes with my energy level. I need to get out there and meet more people, but my motivation level is low. It would be nice to have a stronger support system.

[Unrigged64072835]

I can't keep up with anyone in RL anymore. Between BP and BPD I can be a hot mess at times.

I would go to groups but they're 1) on the other side of town and 2) late at night. Driving back at 9PM in heavy traffic is not fun.

[SorryShaped]

I've decided I really need to accept that everyone is insecure and fragile and irrational. Maybe they aren't all the time, but we don't know when they will be, just as they don't know this about us. This makes friendships very fragile! Life itself is known for fragility and nothing is for certain other than a beginning and an end. It won't ever make sense.
Perhaps I'm sipping into madness again but I don't know. Dispute if you can, support if you like, but I'm not going to ask The Question any more. It doesn't matter. Accept what happens for what happens, and what doesn't happen, didn't. Accept the didn'ts too. It's ok.