[franz kafka]

I just need to get this out.

I'm a full time student. More than full time really... I work pretty much every hour that I'm awake and take very little free time. I do this because I'm serious about my work and I'm given more to do than I could ever possibly finish. But being the good student that I am, I always try.

I can feel myself slipping again. I can once again sense the cosmic battle between the forces of good and the Entity. This is so much bigger than me. I'm at the center of a struggle of good versus evil, and right now evil is winning.

I should take some time off but I probably won't. I met pdoc this morning and she told me to just monitor what's going on, but I worry about this getting more out of control. I might need to reach out again sooner.

I don't know how I'm supposed to survive this. Grad school is hard enough without SZA/Bipolar and with it it seems almost impossible. I'm too stubborn to just give up but sometimes I wonder if I should. Take some kind of less stressful job and live day to day.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve made the decision to give up grad school and leave my relatively well paying teaching job for something less stressful. I feel like a failure but oh well, right? I have a son who needs me to be my best self and I can’t be that in this situation. I know you don’t have that motivator yet but you want to be well. It’s not necessarily an either/or situation for everyone but it seems like it is for me.

[*Laurie*]

I believe that you would do well to reach out to your pdoc now and reiterate how you're feeling. Reach out before things get any worse.

[Wild Coyote]

I am glad you saw your pdoc this morning.
Please keep a watchful eye on things and do not hesitate to contact your pdoc immediately if things worsen for you.

I am sure it's very unsettling to be feeling a bit unstable right now.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

Stay safe.

WC

[franz kafka]

I emailed my pdoc:

"Since I met you this morning things have escalated a little bit. I feel like I'm getting negative signs from my environment again, including from the Entity. I don't know if you remember but the Entity has featured in a lot of my major episodes; I feel like it has the power to control my mind and force me to hurt myself.

So far I'm not in danger of hurting myself, so don't worry about that; I'm just concerned about this getting worse. Is there an alternate route you'd suggest instead of just monitoring the situation?"

Let's hope she has some ideas!

[franz kafka]

Pdoc upped my zyprexa to 15mg. Hoping that does the trick!

[Wild Coyote]

I hope so, too!

WC

[Guiness187055]

Do you think stress is a major trigger for you?

[franz kafka]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Do you think stress is a major trigger for you?

Yes for sure. That's why I took a mental health day away from school today. Trying to reduce my stress some.

[*Laurie*]

Great! I hope the increase in Zyprexa helps.