Pdoc appointment Wednesday

What do I do? If I tell him whats been happening, he'll send me to the hospital. If I'm not honest. I could risk my life by playing with fire the way I was/am. I don't know what to do.
My husband doesn't even think he can keep me safe anymore.

Is the hospital bad enough that you’d rather die? Sometimes I have to ask myself that. And I’m serious because for you it might be. For me, it’s not. So I’m honest.

It's always best to be honest with your doctor. It's the only chance of getting better.

Please be honest with your doctor. It's very important. We all want what is best for you. That might be going to the hospital, or that might be giving your psychiatrist the best information to help you recover in your home environment. Giving false info or insufficient info only hurts you and everyone who loves you.

Take your husband with you and let him be honest.

He is coming. So I don't even have a chance to lie. I just don't want to end up IP. It traumatizes my kids every time I go.

I think so too (for my own son) but they would be traumatized worse if you died, especially by your own hand. That’s what I have to think of.

This is going to all sound very abrupt but I want the best for you. You deserve to be and feel well.

It will traumatise your kids more if you die. It is also traumatising seeing a mentally unwell mum at home who thinks she doesn’t need hospital.
Another thought, if you’re not safe and your hubby doesn’t believe you’re safe then you’re really not safe to parent right now.

As a mum who has been sick pretty much all the time these are the things I’ve learnt to do to reduce trauma:
Do not let kids come in to see you as an inpatient unless you are almost well. The most traumatic thing my kids found was visiting me attached to tubes and machines in ICU. The second most traumatic was visiting me while I was suicidal.
Downplay why you need to go to hospital. Young children only need to know “mummy’s going into hospital to get better”.

I can't really add much to what Pookyl said, but I will urge you to be brutally honest with your pdoc. He can't treat you correctly if you don't give him the correct information. IP is far better than dying and it sounds like you need it badly. Please just let go and allow someone else to help you.

Agreed with all the above.

Just a side note my T told me if I were to die by suicide it increases the chance of my daughter by 50 % doing the same.

Your kids , husband and yourself owe it to yourself find stability and feel better.

Please take care

It will all come down to me. if I feel safe at home or not. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I don't really know if being IP would help or not.

If your husband doesn't feel he can keep you safe that's a strong indication that something more is needed, maybe partial hospitalization is a choice. Something needs to change that's obvious from your recent postings.

99Fairies—I don’t know what will be decided, but if you end up going, well, It’s just for a while. Time to let others help you, and things get better from here.

Your kids will be OK. You might be thinking of a moment in your mind when they were upset. But they aren’t constantly. Just have your husband take video of them, and you will see that while there are times that they’re upset, there are also stretches of time when they’re OK.

I totally and completely understand where you are coming from. I am in the exact same position. I NEED inpatient but I NEED to stay out of inpatient as well. ( I need to stay out because of my kids and work and money and bill paying and life life life)
but I don't know how much longer I can last without becoming an immediate risk to myself

I do hope you find the right answer for you and that you choose the option that will keep you safe. Much easier to give that advice than take it
stay well

Thank you all so much. Lots of food for thought

I've avoided telling you what to do because I personally hate being told what to do. In fact when someone tells me to do something, I do the opposite. However I thought I would weigh in. If you are not feeling safe, if your husband doesn't feel he can keep you safe, go to the hospital.

Picture what happens if you hurt yourself and your kids find you. Or if they lose their mom. Do the hospital FOR your kids. They will find it hard now, but when they are older they will look back and see that you took care of yourself so you could take care of them. That's what it's all about.

You are smart, funny, beautiful and just an awesome person to be friends with. Take care of yourself because you deserve it. You deserve happiness.

Be honest. IP doesn't last forever, but it might save your life. Thinking of you.

99fairies

Be safe !!!

Going IP doesn't have to involve any drama. You mentioned on another thread that you've been IP before, so there won't be any surprises. Your kids have been through this before, and kids are pretty resilient. As you already know, most of IP is just sitting around, being observed, attending groups that are largely irrelevant, and then packing your bags and returning home. If you're lucky, the staff will be kind and supportive. Hospital stays these days are pretty straightforward, often only 3-5 days long, and involve crisis stabilization and maybe some med adjustments; in fact, hospitals begin planning discharge as soon as a patient is admitted. If you think it'll help, and you can afford it, I would say to go for it and take advantage of every minute! Who knows? You might learn something that will change your life for the better!

I live alone, so I don't count on anyone to protect me from myself, and I have to advocate for myself when I think I need help. I cooperate with my doctor because I believe we share the same goals. I would be reluctant to ask anyone to take on the responsibility for ensuring my safety, even (or perhaps especially) a spouse, and I wouldn't agree to do it for anyone else, either. What if they slipped away while I wasn't watching? I would respectfully and lovingly ask them instead to commit to finding a way through the crisis, and then I would stand by them.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision!

I increased my Geodon yesterday and when I woke up this morning I felt soooo much better. It felt like I was waking up from a bad dream. I have no thoughts or urges to harm myself in anyway. And I'm not just saying this to avoid the hospital, I really mean it.

Do you have a therapist? If you don't, I think a therapist could help you develop healthy coping mechanisms so that you can manage your symptoms when your medications aren't helping.

Sounds like Geodon is working well for you, which is awesome. But yeah, therapists are awesome as well and can help us when our medications inevitably fail... because they will fail at least once. No medication is perfect.

Yes I have a therapist. I have been learning CBT. Easy to understand, harder to apply.

You have received many opinions.
I'm leaving a hug.

(((((( 99fairies ))))))


WC

I forget...
Before, were you weaning off the geodon?
and today Then took your prior dose and that is why you feel better?

bizi

. yes,Thats exactly what I did