[leomama]

Hey everyone,
So I've been getting a tiny bit of feedback at work that I need to change my personality, less confrontational, more friendly, at least during a specific time of day doing a specific role. Its kind of frustrating because I'm neither confrontational nor unfriendly, but all of us are being told to be more friendly at this particular time of day so I know its nothing personal. For example, I get blamed for other people's mistakes and it really frustrates me, but I'm just supposed to put up with it.

It did however get me thinking like wow, my job wants me to change my personality, and ok, maybe I'll change it for work at work, although I don't think the criticism is warranted as none of my customers give me that kind of negative feedback. I'm once again feeling like quitting my job but since I gave it a 2 year commitment and I'm only 15 months into it, I'm not going to quit as I'm not a quitter. So that brings me to my question, yes I know and accept I have and have had a mood disorder over half my life. I was also disabled for 10 years due to PTSD.

It frustrates me that people who are distracted at work, more worried about their relationships then their job, are making mistakes and I'm the one having to take the fall for them.

I want a promotion so I'm willing to submit to the feedback, but I've seen people downright lie who are being put up for promotion and I'm like really, lying is rewarded but telling the truth isn't? I often wonder if I'm in the right job, part of my job is retail, and I'm quite sure that's not the right job for me, but that's not all of my job so I stick it out.

Has anyone else been through this kind of self induced pressure before? I'm the one who chose to go off disability because I wanted to work and I chose this job for a variety of reasons but its so utterly frustrating at times.

Like its nobody's business that I have a mood disorder due to trauma, but sometimes I get so frustrated.

[BipolaRNurse]

Ohhh, dear, when they start telling you at work that you need to "change" something about you or how you do things, watch out! That has NEVER been a positive thing in my experience. I hope you have better luck than I did.

[giddykitty]

Oh I get it totally! I'll write more tomorrow because my eyes are droopping. But yes, or rather I'll say I'm stuck in the middle here with some folks criticizing my behavior and some loving it. I think I value the critiques more though, so I'm trying to get help, plus I know for fact I suffer depression and am damn sick of it...at the same time, I'm worrying about what my "real" personality is. My moods are what made people fall in love with me. What if they don't like the new me afterall??! Well, I am hoping the important ones do, but again, I'm kinda stick in the middle.
Ahh, I'm not sure if I'm helping. I guess the lying part was a different group. I liked those people too, except for the lying and they ended up not liking me, so was I crazy?? In the wrong place?? So, in that sense, I can understand your pain. Ok, so, guess I answered.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Ohhh, dear, when they start telling you at work that you need to "change" something about you or how you do things, watch out! That has NEVER been a positive thing in my experience. I hope you have better luck than I did.

They didn't say I need to change something about me, but we are all being told we need to connect more with our customers, which I think is nonsense as I connect very well with my customers, and ironically our previous manager said that was my strong suit. I feel like I need to change something about myself, like I need to relax more at work, care less, be more flexible, easy going, which translates into some negatives stuff: lazy, careless, distracted, unfocused, absent minded, spaced out.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Oh I get it totally! I'll write more tomorrow because my eyes are droopping. But yes, or rather I'll say I'm stuck in the middle here with some folks criticizing my behavior and some loving it. I think I value the critiques more though, so I'm trying to get help, plus I know for fact I suffer depression and am damn sick of it...at the same time, I'm worrying about what my "real" personality is. My moods are what made people fall in love with me. What if they don't like the new me afterall??! Well, I am hoping the important ones do, but again, I'm kinda stick in the middle.
Ahh, I'm not sure if I'm helping. I guess the lying part was a different group. I liked those people too, except for the lying and they ended up not liking me, so was I crazy?? In the wrong place?? So, in that sense, I can understand your pain. Ok, so, guess I answered.

I wouldn't say people were criticizing my behavior but they were criticizing stuff that didn't need to be criticized. I think the most frustrating thing is feeling like I don't have control over my own destiny and I can't stand that. Like I know my real personality, its serious, perfectionist, dry sense of humor, focused. In some ways I don't really think I'm suited to my job but I also got some really positive feedback today but the ironic thing was it didn't ease my frustration.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by leomama

Hey everyone,
So I've been getting a tiny bit of feedback at work that I need to change my personality, less confrontational, more friendly, at least during a specific time of day doing a specific role.

Feedback isn't necessarily bad, but it needs to be specific to have any ability to help you. What you mentioned above would irritate me in terms of feedback because it doesn't tell you specifically any examples that may have happened to avoid. So I would ask my supervisor if they could give me some specific examples of what needs to be improved rather than such a broad statement.

And who we are at work often doesn't match up exactly with our personal lives, because we put on a professional face at work and leave a lot of stuff at the door to get the job done and bring home the bacon. As far as people who lie to get ahead, I have no use for them, and I find that their lies don't serve them in the end because they end up failing at whatever job they were given based on their lie. If you value honesty, then be honest. You don't have to lie to get ahead.

I commend you for saying you want to stick with the new job for 2 years, but please realize that you don't have to, and you're not a quitter for deciding that it may be in your best interest to change jobs. I assure that your employer has very little loyalty to you and would fire you if they needed to, so no need to be so loyal to them. Try not to be so strict with yourself (I think this comes from the perfectionism you mentioned) that you must achieve X goal, if X goal is bad for your health.

Good luck,
Seesaw

[leomama]

The feedback about being confrontational was a misperception of my behavior and it was acknowledged as it was given . I hate having to take the fall for others mistakes especially when they are favorited. It’s very frustrating when I try so hard to do my job right and a coworker messes up. It makes me look bad in front of the customer and I hate it.
I feel like I’m in for a challenge this morning. We will see. I’ll find out. I hate favorites and certain of my coworkers were favorited in the past and now I have to deal with the results.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by leomama

The feedback about being confrontational was a misperception of my behavior and it was acknowledged as it was given . I hate having to take the fall for others mistakes especially when they are favorited. It’s very frustrating when I try so hard to do my job right and a coworker messes up. It makes me look bad in front of the customer and I hate it.
I feel like I’m in for a challenge this morning. We will see. I’ll find out. I hate favorites and certain of my coworkers were favorited in the past and now I have to deal with the results.

If you disagreed with the critique, all you can do is note the critique and do your best.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by seesaw

If you disagreed with the critique, all you can do is note the critique and do your best.

Yep and the manager giving it said she knows my intent was not to be confrontational. It gets so exhausting sometimes getting more criticism then praise.