[amicus_curiae]

I’m a functioning maniac (um, I’m ‘mostly manic’) and I’m having a huge problem with overspending.

My bank continues to pay my overdrafts - charging me a $36 fee per overdraft - and when my SSDI check is deposited I may have $100 in the bank. This month I had to beg my cousin for money.

I cannot stop spending. I buy small things - $50-100 purchases - but 8 or 10 times a month adds up (and I may have a $36 fee for a $3 transaction).

My caseworker doesn’t really understand this problem. My previous therapist understood and offered several suggestions that would control my spending - like getting a payee to handle my finances. But the idea of giving up that kind of control isn’t attractive to me. Neither is eviction, of course.

This risky overspending behavior is textbook manic behavior. I realize that. Internet shopping is just so easy. Click a few buttons and the UPS guy shows up 2-3 days later.

I don’t know if others have this type of problem? But I’m looking for suggestions.

I spent $870 yesterday. I kept pushing buttons and it never occurred to me that I was harming myself until today.

Anyone?

Return stuff if you can to get a refund, since it was mostly (or all?) internet purchases. You may have to pay for return postage, but it's better than losing that $870

[USMCBIPOLAR7]

I have been able to handle my finances until recently when I became manic and spent 35,000.00 on scratch offs in one week. Now my wife handles the money ( I chose this) so I am ok with it. It just makes sense to do all you can and have others do what you have a hard time with. Things are getting better and I’m getting my peace of mind again

You seem to have a lot of insight about this problem. I wonder if it is more of either an addiction or self-medicating in conjunction with your mental illness rather than impulsivity.

You might consider an online support group for over spenders or debtors, especially if over spending is an ongoing issue for you.

Do consider returning things for refunds. If it is possible, but you just don't want to, that's another serious point to discuss with your therapist and/ or psychiatrist.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

You seem to have a lot of insight about this problem. I wonder if it is more of either an addiction or self-medicating in conjunction with your mental illness rather than impulsivity.

You might consider an online support group for over spenders or debtors, especially if over spending is an ongoing issue for you.

Do consider returning things for refunds. If it is possible, but you just don't want to, that's another serious point to discuss with your therapist and/ or psychiatrist.

It’s not an addiction, I don’t think. I’ve never had an addiction. But there might be a degree of self-medication occurring: I feel a kind of entitlement to spend? I do think that my mania drives these overspending sprees, however. I have no insight at all about my problem!

I think finding an online support group is a terrific idea! I’ll Google soon.

As for returning things... my latest purchases included two cheap suits requiring some alterations so I can’t return those and, gulp, I’ve never had the energy to return anything. That would be admitting defeat. (?)

That last sentence is my excuse, I think, for my inability to relinquish control of my finances to another party, all the while knowing that it might be the best solution to my overspending.

Those two suits - from Jos. Bank (whomever) - one black and one blue. I have no need - none - for more suits. I haven’t worn a suit in almost 20-years. My ‘thinking,’ whilst within my purchase, was that I needed a newer black suit for funerals and a newer blue suit for... other stuff.

I have no explanation for my behavior. It’s one of those things that I cannot help to do that which I do.

I’m seeing my new shrink in one week. My mania will be evident so I think I might have a chance to discuss my spending sprees.

Thank you so much for your support and suggestions.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by USMCBIPOLAR7

I have been able to handle my finances until recently when I became manic and spent 35,000.00 on scratch offs in one week. Now my wife handles the money ( I chose this) so I am ok with it. It just makes sense to do all you can and have others do what you have a hard time with. Things are getting better and I’m getting my peace of mind again

Now that is exactly something that I might have done if I were able - although I would probably have just purchased $35K on lottery picks (I don’t have the energy to scratch-off scratch-offs).

You’re right - I should allow others to help me in get my finances under control. I haven’t a spouse or an SO who I believe would be willing to help, though, AND I don’t trust others AND relinquishing control over such an essential part of standard living feels like defeat.

Yet I know that what you suggest is best. I’m going to see my new shrink. Talk to her.

[pirilin]

I only buy what I need. But boy, do I need stuff!. I've been blowing 6 or 700 a day for the last ten days.
And I still need other stuff, just in case I don't have the money when I need it.

Let me add that this is cash money. I went bankrupt the last time less than three years ago. So it's not debt. Because can't afford it.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I only buy what I need. But boy, do I need stuff!. I've been blowing 6 or 700 a day for the last ten days.
And I still need other stuff, just in case I don't have the money when I need it.

Let me add that this is cash money. I went bankrupt the last time less than three years ago. So it's not debt. Because can't afford it.

Exactly! That’s it! “I only buy what I need.” Me, too! I can’t explain what I feel as I push those buttons to buy, buy, buy but I know that I am convinced that I’m fulfilling a need. I put in a lot of effort to obtain a sterling credit score and in less than a year I ran up a debt of $60,000+ and could not repay the debt.

But, now, I’m like you - I’m dealing in cash, really. My bank is floating temporary loans for a fee.

I don’t know how to stop - I cannot stop. I’m fulfilling my needs.

I’m only fulfilling my needs.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by amicus_curiae

Exactly! That’s it! “I only buy what I need.” Me, too! I can’t explain what I feel as I push those buttons to buy, buy, buy but I know that I am convinced that I’m fulfilling a need. I put in a lot of effort to obtain a sterling credit score and in less than a year I ran up a debt of $60,000+ and could not repay the debt.

But, now, I’m like you - I’m dealing in cash, really. My bank is floating temporary loans for a fee.

I don’t know how to stop - I cannot stop. I’m fulfilling my needs.

I’m only fulfilling my needs.

Don't feel bad. Money ain't nothing 'till you spend it. With that said, I know I have to spend money by nature. I can'r resist a bargain, or shall I say, I couldn't resist a bargain before. It didn't mattered if I need it or not.

I bought presents for friends just 'cuz. I'm constatly giving things away when I find something I think they will like. Of cousre, I already have three or four of the same item.

My last bankrupt was an eye opener. I had an 840 credit score when the max was 850.
I had a credit card (not a line of credit) with BOFA of 100k. Plus 10 or 15 more with high credit limits.

When I decided to see the lawyer, I was 180k in the hole. With no income.
I bankrupted the business first.

The max for a chapter 7 at the time, was 116k for not having to pay a dime. I sold three cars and still was 9k under. I had a little equity in the boat so I practically gave it away to get 10k.

I could go on and on. But what's funny, is that after this last bankrupcy, the credit cards companies inmediately sent new cards. Why? because if you default in the new credit before 7 years, it's fraud. They're funny.

[piano97]

Get a payee. See how it goes for six months. It probably will help, and if you end up not liking it you can switch back. Either way, having some months away from it will give you better perspective. Hang in there.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by piano97

Get a payee. See how it goes for six months. It probably will help, and if you end up not liking it you can switch back. Either way, having some months away from it will give you better perspective. Hang in there.

I know that’s what I should do. I’m going to talk to my new shrink next week about this very topic. I have no experience with a payee nor do I know just how much control I need give up — or not.

I think that if a payee would allow me, e.g., $500 per month just to spend, I could let them pay my actual expenses and save that remaining.

[piano97]

Hi pirilin. I sent you a private message if you get a chance.

[Tucson]

I went through $120,000 in quick time. Yes, all of those zeros belong there. That was all the money I had in my bank account. I spent well over $20,000 at Amazon alone. To avoid bankruptcy, I took out a HELOC with a bank, a home equity line of credit. The credit limit there is $50,000. I have $30,000 spent. A far greater part of it was spent on necessary items like a car. However, I did spend some of it on myself. This scares me. I set the upper limit that I am at now, and have started to repay the line of credit about $500 a month. So this is a good start. By the way, that car was another “bargain” purchase of mine.

I tried to moderate that last terribly bad spending spree by purchasing items that I can later sell, assets with tangible value, hopefully close to what I paid for them. I did this with firearms. Some of them are collectibles. It takes months just to sell one of them, so I thought this would slow me down. However, the bottom dropped out of that market after Trump was elected instead of Hilary. So much for getting value out of my firearms. Notice how I rationalized those firearm purchases? I have always wanted to collect them, so this was my excuse.

So I can understand how this must feel. At one recent point in time, I had to borrow money just to survive. My menu each day was only lettuce, eggs, and soup. I lost weight. Getting back on point, I think finding a payee to give the money to is a good idea. An allowance can come out of that, besides all of your bills being paid.

I need to find one myself, a person that I can trust without reservation. This needs to be a person who also understands my problems. Maybe the OP can do the same. We have an incredible capacity to rationalize the spending of vast amounts of money. It all seems very reasonable and even justified at the time the money is spent. Over the longer run, I believe this is unable to be controlled. So involving another payee seems like a good idea to me.

[Guiness187055]

One of my manic phases I decided to become a professional gambler. That cost me about 25k

[annielovesbacon]

I have this problem too. I always say to myself "oh I'm just a poor college student" until I remember that my savings account, which I have had since I was a little kid and had more than $1,000 in it when I got to college... I drained it in about a month. Thinking about that makes my stomach drop. Right now I am in college and I am lucky that my parents would not ever let something drastic happen to me (like getting evicted or starving) although of course they would be angry at me. But I graduate soon and these behaviors have not gotten any better, and I will have no way of protecting myself from... myself. I have zero impulse control, whether I'm depressed or manic, and I don't know how to fix it.

[Tucson]

Get a third party to handle your money, someone who will not charge for this. I think there even are government services that can do this for you. However, I do not know your specific situation regarding how you can obtain government services like this. I do think this is the only way to keep from spending yourself into oblivion. The hard part is finding that trustworthy person who would be willing to do this for you.

Personally, having someone taking care of my finances is something that would have me feeling like a failure. Losing control of my finances is something I am very reluctant to do despite the consequences. Is this how all of you with this problem feel too?

[bioChE]

I saw this thread and found the first post a bit humorous. You say you do only $50-100 purchases, but 8-10 times a month adds up.

Then at the end of the post you say you spent $870 yesterday. Something doesn't add up.

Regardless, did you ever talk to your shrink about it? I'd be interested to hear what they had to say. Made any progress on getting someone to help handle the finances?

[Yoda]

I had a problem with impulsive spending. I considered a payee but I would have had to cancel my credit cards which meant I couldn't reserve a hotel room. I wouldn't be able to buy or sell on ebay. It just didn't seem right for me.

I was spending most of my SSDI in a few days after getting it and stopped paying my mortgage. I was paying owner financed which was good because if it had been a bank I would have lost my farm. The shock was when they sent me a letter saying if I didn't start making more effort to repay the overdue mortgage they would take the farm back.

I still have money management problems but now it is more about spending too much eating fast food and pizza rather than spending $500 on a pretty collectible horse on ebay.

What would be the bottom line for you?

[Tucson]

IMO not wanting the credit cards cancelled if you had someone manage your money is simply nothing but an excuse to keep all of your credit cards. I would cancel all of them, since you are playing with fire having them, and get yourself one credit card with a low spending limit. I have one with a $1000 spending limit. An even safer approach would be to get these prepaid cards. The ones that I know of are backed by VISA, so they would be a good substitute for a credit card. FWIW