Ripping apart and thoughts won't stop

Overwhelmed at work, overwhelmed at home. No rest for the weary. I feel like I'm falling apart and can't get a moment of quiet. Negativity pulses through my mind and there seems to be no end to it;
I'm really nearing the end of my rope.
I wake up every day waiting for bedtime.
I wait all week for the weekend, and on the weekend, I can't wait to get away and go back to work. Work and home are both equally stressful.
It's a ****** cycle. I've always considered myself to be a high-functioning Bipolar I. I have a family and responsibilities, but I really don't feel appreciated. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I'm just a malcontent.

I'm trapped inside and I feel like I need to burst...like my brain is a cyst that needs ruptured.

I can't seem to cope with life in a normal or healthy manner. When I can't cope, I usually take Xanax (sometimes w/Alcohol) and smoke myself into a stupor with weed. Cutting when things really get to be too much. I'm really hurting right now and need to vent.

Stop!
You're in the spiral and have to stop it. You're doing damage to yourself to continue this way.
I want you to think about three things you're grateful for. Do it for 5 minutes, or longer if you want. Just those three things. Breathe very slow and very deep the whole time, count 4 on the inhale and again 4 on the exhale. Once you've done this, see how you feel.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I was feeling the same when I returned to work after disability back on feb 1. My mood was out of control. It still is but I’ve been more on the hypomanic side for awhile so it’s not as bad. But I completely understand waking up and just counting down hours till you can go back to sleep. It’s a horrible feeling.

I don’t know if meds would help, maybe discuss with your pdoc if you have one?

Yeah. I relate to a lot of this.

Just feeling like it is all too much. It really is something you need to speak about with your doctors- stress can be really toxic to bipolar people- and yeah SorryShaped is right, you are spiraling.

It might all feel like too much right now, and that feeling might feel all encompassing. But you WILL get through to the other side.

There is always always another side.

I can relate with you. I'm always self medicating. I used to do pills. Booze and weed. Heck I was even crushing my pain meds (oxy). (A change from coke)But no matter how stressful and agitated we get, something's gotta change so we can identify the root cause and set up some copping mechanisms.

I lost everything. Please don't become another me, with a facked liver.

You will figure it all out, but first look after yourself and vent away B-)

Definitely in a spiral and I know it can get out of control quickly. I made an appointment with my pdoc for Monday, so I'll see if he can help.
I will try your suggestion tonight though. I'm sure I can come up with 3 things. Thanks for the help.

Welcome. It's a self-guided meditation practice that really helps me. Sometimes I can only think of one when I'm on my way into my yucky feelings. Sometimes I can't think at all.
Right now, I think I'll go flip off the Governor. I need a walk

Keep posting. We are family. And will understand and try to help. Good luck.

I had an appointment today with my pdoc. We went over med options and He provided me with the alternatives to Zoloft and we decided on a course of action. I will be switching from Zoloft to Effexor.

I’ve been on Zoloft for a long time and I need to see if I benefit from a different med. ive not had Effexor before, so I need to do some reading on it.

It's a time release antidepressant.