[wildflowerchild25]

More realizations about how much I just haven’t been living. Simple things like only watching comedy movies because I’m afraid to feel real emotions. Afraid to trust anyone. I wanna change but it’s overwhelming how much needs to change.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Dentist must have triggered my trigeminal nerve two days ago. Migraine and facial nerve pain for two days now. Ouch.

This does not help my mood.

Love to All!


WC

That sounds awful! Do you think it's time to go see a doctor about it? My GP used to tell me that if a pain lasted more than a few days to come and see him about it. You poor thing!

I got some flickers of hypomania today. I felt some pleasure and compassion for activities and people who usually bore me or irritate me. It was welcome indeed! Looks like my high mood will arrive soon -- we have warmer temperatures on the way!

Dieting went well again today. It's one week plus two days now. That means i've lasted longer than three of my diets last year. It's a good sign. I got some encouragement to boost my protein intake to help tame my hunger so i got back on my whey protein powder drink -- 25 grams of protein for 110 calories -- superbe! It was the first day that i've not only met but exceeded my protein number in my calorie counting app. Didn't notice any dramatic decrease in my hunger tho but i'm glad to know my protein is up and i'm not strip-mining my muscle tissue. Aces! Jane.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Dentist must have triggered my trigeminal nerve two days ago. Migraine and facial nerve pain for two days now. Ouch.

This does not help my mood.

Love to All!


WC

ouch!!!!!!
so sorry for you!
bizi

[LadyShadow]

I had SUCH an amazing day today. I spent TWO hours on a blog post because I wanted to make it just right for the wonderful people who follow my blog. I followed it up with a day sitting outside in the sun, (it was warm in NYC today), and caught up with a few friends by phone that I haven't talked to in a while.

Then I relaxed a bit and watched an AMAZING movie with my boyfriend called "The Space Between Us" that made me just cry!! It's a sci-fi/love story and it was brilliant!

But the dark cloud came over me when I got a notification that someone commented on my blog. This person made a sarcastic comment earlier in the day, and I tried to shrug it off by leaving a positive response. But he didn't let it go, he came back and left a MORE sarcastic response and I just lost it. I LOVE the people who follow and read my blog, but it makes me REALLY sad that some people out there are so damn jealous and bitter that they have to crap all over someone's success. It RUINED my night, and I honestly felt really bad about it. But what can you do right? That's people for you!

I am trying my best to look past it and be positive though, I don't want to go to bed upset.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I had SUCH an amazing day today. I spent TWO hours on a blog post because I wanted to make it just right for the wonderful people who follow my blog. I followed it up with a day sitting outside in the sun, (it was warm in NYC today), and caught up with a few friends by phone that I haven't talked to in a while.

Then I relaxed a bit and watched an AMAZING movie with my boyfriend called "The Space Between Us" that made me just cry!! It's a sci-fi/love story and it was brilliant!

But the dark cloud came over me when I got a notification that someone commented on my blog. This person made a sarcastic comment earlier in the day, and I tried to shrug it off by leaving a positive response. But he didn't let it go, he came back and left a MORE sarcastic response and I just lost it. I LOVE the people who follow and read my blog, but it makes me REALLY sad that some people out there are so damn jealous and bitter that they have to crap all over someone's success. It RUINED my night, and I honestly felt really bad about it. But what can you do right? That's people for you!

I am trying my best to look past it and be positive though, I don't want to go to bed upset.

Can you delete the comments and block the user?
Not sure how much control you have with your blog.
((((HUGS))))
there is an internet addiction forum that is not active, I post there occasionally. It is in the addictions sub forum.
bizi

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by bizi

Can you delete the comments and block the user?
Not sure how much control you have with your blog.
((((HUGS))))
there is an internet addiction forum that is not active, I post there occasionally. It is in the addictions sub forum.
bizi

Oh I know bizi!! I can block him if I want, but it doesn't change the fact that what he said REALLY bothered me you know? This may seem a little self-centered and wrong, but I am actually HOPING he lashes out badly so I can report him to WordPress THEN block him. it's probably evil and petty of me, but it really ruined my night and he kinda deserves to get kicked a little.

I know about the Addictions Forum bizi, I used to post on my "Bipolar and Alcohol" thread way back, (you even partipated wonderfully!). I will revisit again when I have a chance. I have also been meaning to come and visit your personal thread here bizi, I admire all the progress you have been making, truly! Keep up the good work!

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks, Jane and Bizi,

Jane: If the migraine continues without a break, I can go to the walk-in clinic. At 72 hours straight, they will intervene with IV morphine. For the nerve pain itself, they'd prescribe an antiepileptic drug (AED) and I am sound asleep 24/7 on any of them (at their lowest dose). Cannot do it.

Bizi: Yes, irritated nerves can be very painful, as you know.

I have my next dental procedure on Monday. I may postpone if things don't let up.


WC

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Thanks, Jane and Bizi,

Jane: If the migraine continues without a break, I can go to the walk-in clinic. At 72 hours straight, they will intervene with IV morphine. For the nerve pain itself, they'd prescribe an antiepileptic drug (AED) and I am sound asleep 24/7 on any of them (at their lowest dose). Cannot do it.

Bizi: Yes, irritated nerves can be very painful, as you know.

I have my next dental procedure on Monday. I may postpone if things don't let up.


WC

I hope things let up for you!
bizi

[Tucson]

Well, it is one more day. Two more days to my first interview. I am very nervous sbout it. Due to the anxiety, I had stomach cramps that gave me very intense pain. It was so painful. My hands shake more too because of this anxiety. Once they see that, they probably will not hire me. Still, it will be good interviewing experience.

My daughter is unreliable. Her sister needed to be driven somewhere. Her mother needed her to pick up her son’s children from day care, and she told me that she will be over for pizza. Instead, she ate at a Chinese restaurant with her boyfriend and his mother. Then today she tells me that she is going camping with them. She is so focused on herself and what she wants that she is not attending to her responsibilities. She does not even help her mother clean the house, even help with dinner. My daughter lives with her. She has turned 18, but she acts like a 16 year old with no respinsibilities. I hope this will change.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Tucson

Well, it is one more day. Two more days to my first interview. I am very nervous sbout it. Due to the anxiety, I had stomach cramps that gave me very intense pain. It was so painful. My hands shake more too because of this anxiety. Once they see that, they probably will not hire me. Still, it will be good interviewing experience.

My daughter is unreliable. Her sister needed to be driven somewhere. Her mother needed her to pick up her son’s children from day care, and she told me that she will be over for pizza. Instead, she ate at a Chinese restaurant with her boyfriend and his mother. Then today she tells me that she is going camping with them. She is so focused on herself and what she wants that she is not attending to her responsibilities. She does not even help her mother clean the house, even help with dinner. My daughter lives with her. She has turned 18, but she acts like a 16 year old with no respinsibilities. I hope this will change.

Do you have some anti anxiety medication to take? before the interview?

sorry about your 18year old. Her mother is enabling her.....
bizi IMO

[xRavenx]

I went to a Motown show tonight with my aunt and a few family members. It was very nice. I don't get to do things like that very often, and it helped get my mind off of things. I did get my computer back with a new hard drive. It's a shame that I lost a lot of things, but I am just mostly glad to get back my computer. I was extremely tired after work, so I had to push myself.

Tomorrow, I have a lot to do, but I am going to take it little by little. At least I don't have work until Tues. I have a hard week coming up, but I am trying not to focus too much into the future. I know I need to stay present, but I struggle with that. My thoughts have been really negative lately, and I always think worst-case-scenario. This is something that I really wish that I'd be able to change.

Supreme Soviet checking in with extreme prejudice from the house of that never happened in the town of No.

I barely made it to the ABC store and barely made it out. The mission was poorly planned and subsequently doomed. Those who saw me trembling and stumbling on the sidewalk thanked The Volcano God that I wasn't driving.

Anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines and boo don't always play fair. Multiply that by poor choices and bad ideas and you are a compound crisis ready to happen.

People understandably tend to attribute my circumstances to my formidable mental illness. Understandable and wrong. I blindly married into an organized crime family. Everything since has been a consequence.

So check that in. Four more posts and I get to post pictures and inappropriate music.

Here's a link to my calorie-counting app for today. Please let me know if it doesn't work. It works splendidly on my computer but that may be because my browser is caching my password. Not sure if others can get past the password protection.

[bpforever1]

I am doing fine. I have no symptoms and take my medication daily. I am enjoying this fine weather here. I went out today and there are too many people. I am beginning to cherish my space and solitude. I am eating healthy and am walking as much as possible. I gained some weight due to a bad diet. Now, I am trying to lose this weight I gained. It is not easy. I ate at buffets for a few days and this was not a good idea either. Thus, I want to eat healthy and moderately. I like to eat but it is not wise to live to eat. I feel good overall though. I have a clean apartment and am maintaining its cleanliness by putting stuff away. My mother is a neat freak and was appalled by my housecleaning or lack of it. I will try to maintain this clean environment because it helps me feel good about myself. I am happy!! I will work a few hours each day this week and will spend the rest of the time taking it easy and sleeping. I am trying to spend less money on eating out because it is truly a waste of money when I can make things at home. I also want to watch what I eat. I am trying to eat more fruits and veggies and less junk food. We shall see about this. I will continue taking it one day at a time.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I am doing fine. I have no symptoms and take my medication daily. I am enjoying this fine weather here. I went out today and there are too many people. I am beginning to cherish my space and solitude. I am eating healthy and am walking as much as possible. I will continue taking it one day at a time.

I enjoy taking life one day at a time!

WC

no sleep last night (again)

and it seems like we've missed the clocks going forward too so I really need to set them to the right time today.

just had breakfast, now time for the daily posts..

a little upset....

yesterday, (well every saturday really), we're meant to watch ant and dec

but it got canceled yesterday because ant was arested by the police

so angry at him. I know it's not his fault but still

[scatterbrained04]

Had a night of broken sleep. The first time I feel asleep, I had a terrible nightmare. Kept waking up throughout the night. Could be because I took a nap yesterday. Started taking a higher dose of trileptal yesterday too. Hope it helps balance me out a little more. Going to try hard to stay awake all day until normal bed time. Getting a little concerned about my sleep issues this past week.

[wildflowerchild25]

I slept 9 hours and I feel soooo much better today! Everything is bright and happy again! I knew the depression was just from lack of sleep. I wish I could do more today but unfortunately my back is killing me. I really need to go to a doctor but I know I’ll be losing my health insurance in either June or August so it’s like why bother getting started with something if I can’t continue. I found some lower back exercises online and hope to remember to do them every day and see if that helps. It helped on Wednesday and Thursday and then I didn’t do them for two days and the pain is back with a vengeance. So I really have to do them all the time. And I’m also worried a dr is just going to say I need to lose weight. Well that’s obvious, I know that.

I packed my gym bag and I’m starting on Monday. So excited. I hope I can stick with it.

I really don’t even want to tell my pdoc that I’ve been hypomanic for so long, I want it to continue!! I’m feeling so ****ing great and getting so much done and I’m not doing too much stupid **** except for driving like an *** at times. I’m not spending too much I don’t think. I just wanna get my tattoo so badly but my artist isn’t available yet. I can’t cheat on him lol.

Maybe next week I’ll walk in somewhere else and get a different tattoo. Just to tide me over lol. Ah but I won’t have time. I’ll have to wait until summer

Everything is amazing! Keep on keeping on everyone!

[liveforsummer]

Ok for the most part other than anxiety is getting worse. T this week.
Hugs all

[Under*Over]

I feel alright. I got more done yesterday than I thought I might (though Id screw myself over- havent yet! Not completely)

This weird suggestion of just ‘stop you meds’ keeps popping up in my head- but Im going to ignore it for now. Not going to do anything until I talk with someone about it first.

[bizi]

remember that you feel alright with your meds the way you are right now. So why screw things up?
bizi

I don't think the link above works so someone please try this one.

[Unrigged64072835]

Daughter's cat loves the new food. Only problem is we have to feed her small amounts or else she'll gorge and throw up.

Didn't do much today. Just three loads of laundry.

Arms feel weak, and I'm tired. Forgot to refill Lunesta this week so had some Vistraril instead. It seemed to work but I woke up early in the morning. Still can't take a nap though. Husband was doing an experiment with ribs and it didn't work. He didn't ruin them though.

Mood is depressed but that may be from being tired.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so proud of myself. I know this will seem silly but I watched one of my favorite movies (Rent). I haven’t watched it since my husband died because I didn’t think I could handle the funeral scene for one of the main characters. Well I watched it and yes, I cried. But I felt so ALIVE crying about it. Did it remind me of my husband’s funeral? Yes, of course. But I didn’t run away from the feelings. I felt them, really felt them, and I just...it’s incredible how much I’ve been running from just through simple things like movies and television. I’m ready. I’m ready to face this. It’s been three years almost and I’m finally ready to face it. It’s gonna suck so hard but I can’t get better until I do.

I’m so happy I could cry.