Work

I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I had to drop off of a couple of projects that I liked because the lead has been bully and harassing me. I finally stood up to him again and said I was done being his scapegoat. Now I am looking for more work but was just told because I am senior staff it is my responsibility to find work not my bosses. But I don’t have access to a list of projects so how can I find the work? My T says I am grieving the loss of my other projects because I really liked them. I don’t have the energy to find new work. This is an odd time to join a project so I am not sure anyone will take me. I am really tailspinning into a depression.

That's awesome you stood up for yourself. Bullying is immature and pathetic.

Has he been exposed as a bully/troll?

You can always ask around to see what projects are going on. That is my only suggestion. Just ask coworkers to see if they know a project that is looking for people. Usually someone will be working on a project that needs more people, or they'll have a friend who is working on one.

Will talking with hr help matters for finding projects? Do you think changing to another position or job would help? I know five years back I had to change jobs because the one I had was making me too unstable too frequently.

Hi Crook32. I wondered where you went.

That was great that you stood up for yourself.

I do hope you find some work soon.

HR can’t help they are pretty useless. I have been looking for other jobs but I work in a small field and it is hard to find positions. The few I have found want PhDs and I only have a Masters. Most of the jobs listed are for where I already work. I want to stay. I have been there almost 18 years. My T thinks I should go to the ombudsman because this guy trashed me on two reviews leading to me not getting a raise. He is singlehandedly ruining my career. But even though he trashed me he kept me on all his projects, made me task lead and gave me the most important parts that would make or break everything. So his actions never lined up with his words. Yet my bosses never gave me a chance to counter.

A person has to eat and pay bills. Just get up and go regardless of what your brain is saying to your butt and feet.

It’s hard, I know....but it pads the paycheck better which helps in fighting depression. Having no money is depressing.

I am sorry that you are having work difficulties.What about venturing out on your own? Is that possible?
YOu could go out and then provide your services sub contract. Be your own boss.
Don't know what kind of work that you do . Could that work?
bizi

I free lanced for 25 years as a self-employed carpenter doing remodels to stay away from people. Now I’m back in the system on meds.

I wish I could branch out on my own but I am a Materials Scientist/Engineer. So I need access to a chemistry lab, machine shop and analytical equipment for characterization. This all sucks because I really like what I do and there are few job opportunities out there. The culture where I work has changed so much in the last 18 years. It has turned out to be very cut throat now. When I got back from one of my hospital stays last year I told my program lead I was still having problems with concentration, memory, focus and hand tremors. That I wasn’t going to be as efficient as normal. He said he understood but apparently not. I think that was probably the start of all this.

I feel for you crook32.
((((HUGS))))
bizi
Is there a human resources department?
You may have a lawsuit if they fire you or get you to quit.
stand your ground and try to take it just day today. Create an inner shield/gaurd/defense. Know that you needed. Does this person who is griving you grief have a supervisor?
go to them.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

We had the same bosses until recently when he changed departments. They always took his side. Even when I showed them written proof, written by him, that I was right they still assumed I was wrong. It is so frustrating. I usually don’t like to make waves because I am scared of being fired.

That has been a tough one for me to learn. They don’t care if you’re right, and they don’t care if you’re the best worker.

They generally want people that are competent enough is all, and most of all they want everyone to get along and “fit in.” At least in the line of work I’m in.

Hypomania has not been my friend in this regard. I’ve had to change careers a few times before this all sunk in. It’s been a close one in my current job. I’ve got myself under control now, but only because I started lithium finally.

I am sorry you are having a hard time

Hypomania is what allowed me to be more assertive and stand up to him. I am trying to figure out if I have a harassment claim or not.

I'm alergic to it.

This work stress is killing me. My mood has tanked. I am eating nothing but junk. I am barely sleeping. I am not sure how much longer I can last.