[eye2797]

I am done with it all. I had some good months and now all is going dark . I am done trying to do anything. I am depressed and ready to bee done. I cant live this way. I have no fight. When is my happy?

I try I do. I take my meds, I go to therapy. God please give me a break. If this is what life is going to be like I don't want it.

[Guiness187055]

It's cyclic believe me it gets better. It's just part of the bipolar roller coaster.

[eye2797]

Yes I know that roller coaster but I hate roller coaster esp ones with loops.
I was doing well on med combo and it just dropped. I do struggle this time of year but thought maybe it would be different. Just dont have strength. .

[salsharia]

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I know it all too well and the struggle is always worth it. It’s what makes you special. Please don’t give up. Keep trying. I’m here for you ❤️

[Ylba]

I get it. I have bipolar II and depression is my predominant state. No matter how well I get the depression is there, lurking, waiting to get stronger.

I get angry and upset to the point of intense crying fits thinking about how I don't want to be alive and how unfair it is that people who want to live die while people like me who don't want to be alive have to live.

Depression is not easy at all. Be patient with yourself and stick to your self care regimine even if you don't feel like it. If all you can do during the day is get out of bed and get dressed, consider it an accomplishment. One thing at a time.

One thing that helps me is to engage in a leisure activity. Think about something that you enjoy doing and do it, whether you feel like it or not. It might help.

Hang in there.

[99fairies]

I know the feeling and it's rough. So sorry to hear you're going through this, but it WILL get better, so hang in there. Big hugs.

[lucymae1]

I too know the struggle. I'm done also and what I mean by that is next month I'm going for ECT. Too many years of trial and error with meds. This stretch of depression has lasted for almost 2 years. I hardly have any hypomania moments due to mood stabilizers I think. Honestly I miss my hypo mania moments. At least I had energy and felt good for awhile. I can barely work 20 hours a month if that. It's hard to do the simplest task because everything seems so hard to do. I was told yesterday just exercise it will make you feel better. Yes I know this I use to be an avid hiker and went to the gym all the time. Now it's a struggle to just shower. Someone said were special and the pain is worth it. Not for me by any means.

[downandlonely]

You know, I hear ECT can be very helpful and it actually has fewer side effects than meds. Maybe you should ask your pdoc about it, eye.

[salsharia]

Originally Posted by Ylba

I get it. I have bipolar II and depression is my predominant state. No matter how well I get the depression is there, lurking, waiting to get stronger.

I get angry and upset to the point of intense crying fits thinking about how I don't want to be alive and how unfair it is that people who want to live die while people like me who don't want to be alive have to live.

Depression is not easy at all. Be patient with yourself and stick to your self care regimine even if you don't feel like it. If all you can do during the day is get out of bed and get dressed, consider it an accomplishment. One thing at a time.

One thing that helps me is to engage in a leisure activity. Think about something that you enjoy doing and do it, whether you feel like it or not. It might help.

Hang in there.

I like this. Even if that leisure activity is lighting a candle! I do this too - celebrating baby steps. Avoid comparing yourself to your most functional self and give yourself love for putting your foot in the floor, for standing, maybe even taking one step... see what’s next. One step at a time. Be kind to yourself

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by eye2797

Yes I know that roller coaster but I hate roller coaster esp ones with loops.
I was doing well on med combo and it just dropped. I do struggle this time of year but thought maybe it would be different. Just dont have strength. .

I hear ya I hate roller coasters too. Sorry you are having a rough time

[eye2797]

Saw my doc today. Melted down crying and telling him that I just cant do it. I had such a good run and thought it would last.
He is very comforting and easy to talk to, he responds with understanding. He knows my cycles.
I am going to add wellbutrin to my meds, to see if we can get a lift from the depression. He said it is one that has more of a uplifting on your dopamine. I know I have taken it in the past but not sure why I went off of it.
I told him I didnt want to live anymore and we talked about that for awhile. We made the usual promise about calling him before I decided to do anything. He is very easy to get in touch with, that is one reason I like seeing him.
I am going to do my best to keep going, I just want what others have.

[Shazerac]

I hope the Wellbutrin helps you. It has helped me in the past. I’m really glad you opened up to your doctor and that he was so supportive.

[Unrigged64072835]

Glad you got some help from your doc. I do hope it works out for you.

[*Laurie*]

So many people are helped by Welbutrin. I hope you are one of them (((HUGS)))

[Wild Coyote]

I fight depression all of the time -- unless I have just given up, which I do from time-to-time. It gets old.

I, too, hope the Wellbutrin helps.


WC

[Daonnachd]

I hope the ECT helps you as much as it has me.

[pirilin]

Most of us have been there. Be pacient and things will change. They do for all of us.

[pirilin]

God will give you a break. It does it for all of us.

[liveforsummer]

I hope the Wellbutrin helps to lift you out of this depression.

[theKow]

The blessing of my BP is memory loss. I experience depression and mania first hand. I am ware of everything I do, my suffering and the like. But I know in a week or less it's all a blur and the detail is dissolved.

I have learned to trust in transition. In the temporary nature of the illness' cycles. I do resent them at times, or rather people around me who don't experience the same and have lives. But at the same time, I feel things few people feel and feel so deeply.

Feeling done in myself atm. Stress mostly. Big hugs.

[Asteya]

My girlfriend mentioned that phases go in years of two. I found this interesting as I have never thought about it before. You can’t grow with out change, that’s impossible. Change isn’t always comfortable either. Think: be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Easier said than done, I know. There’s also the quote: ‘this too shall pass’. Literally nothing lasts forever

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Asteya

My girlfriend mentioned that phases go in years of two. I found this interesting as I have never thought about it before. You can’t grow with out change, that’s impossible. Change isn’t always comfortable either. Think: be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Easier said than done, I know. There’s also the quote: ‘this too shall pass’. Literally nothing lasts forever

Your girlfriend is lucky I go in phases of an hour or two. If I’m lucky I get a week or 2.