[piano97]

Yesterday was awesome, from when I got out of bed I just felt great. Like my body is humming at the perfect frequency.

I had a hard time falling asleep because of it, and ended up not sleeping well at all, and today I feel like sh'' and that I got hit by a truck. Feel slow and stupid. This is how I felt the day before the good day yesterday.

I hate this disease. The cycling. it's cruel.

I had made plans to garden today, get to the nursery, etc, spent a lot of day outside. I feel empty and no interest. Today is probably the best spring day we've had so far, and I did go outside but just stood/sat there like I'm frozen.

Hope will get better as day goes on. I guess that's one good thing, I cycle frequently so tomorrow or even this evening might be great.

I just wish I had normal 'emotions' and psycho-motor changes were not so extreme. If I got a card in the mail that said I won a million dollars right now, I'd just set it down and say 'oh'. If something really bad happened, it'd just say 'oh' too.

F U bipolar.

Best things I can do are eat/shower, still get outside some, and keep positive attitude. Maybe I'll be up for gardening later on.

[wildflowerchild25]

Absolutely the same. I started out down yesterday but by the time bedtime rolled around I was up and couldn’t fall asleep until 2:30am. Then today I feel physically ****** because of no sleep. It’s some ********.

I’m planning on doing gardening on Saturday as it’s supposed to be 80 degrees here. May we both get into our gardens despite BP!

[piano97]

Thanks flower. I did get some sunshine today, I did make myself shower. I did leave the house for a couple hours. Maybe can garden another day soon. Was almost 80 here today too.

[piano97]

Just updating here....I went to bed last night, totally exhausted and beat down.

Less than 2 hours later, I woke up, and felt AMAZING!

I did get up, I thought about staying up (bad idea), instead I took a little bit of seroquel and valium prn. I did go back to bed and got another 6 hours.

How the 'F' can things flip like that? I want to blame meds for it sometimes. Definitely have bipolar, but sometimes think the 'cure' is worse than the disease.

To note...the day before yesterday, I was hypomanic as 'F'. Felt so good. i woke up that way. Everything was easy and perfect. My body was humming at perfect frequency (yes, I believe we have a vibrational frequency). Then, yesterday morning, I woke up like someone had pulled most of my brain out and was running on fumes. Empty, blank, slow, void, my eyes looked bad, my affect was zero.

Cycling is so ****ed up.

Pardon language.

Just glad to feel like a human again without a glass cage around me.

Hopefully I can be and stay level today and going forward.

It always comes back though....

Would it still without meds? Probably, and I'd probably have prolonged episodes. But sometimes I want to just say F it, let's see. Let's see how I do for a 6 month period of no meds. If I can navigate thru life.

If 'this' is as good as it gets being on meds, I want off. Again, I've not had a prolonged episode in quite awhile. But rapid cycling stuff, for a week sometimes just a few days, or so, and then some amount of normalcy.

I did have some SI a couple nights ago, kinda out of nowhere, I don't think I have in a long time. It was during the hypo day. It's this energy connection thing. That my body is irrelevant and inside wants out. It passed and wasn't big deal, just noting.

Rambling now....hope all have a good day.

[piano97]

.....and now I feel totally exhausted lol.

And also energetic to work outside in garden at same time.

[Shazerac]

Sounds like a mixed episode. Wanted to do something but being exhausted. I have a hard time committing to social obligations because I never know how I’m going to feel on a given day. Does this happen to you?

[piano97]

Yes, big-time on social things like you said. It has isolated me a lot. I actually have plans tonight that I made earlier in week when was feeling great. I honestly now want to go to bed. I did lay down about an hour and wished I could sleep but not even close.

Yes, it is mixed stuff. It's exhausting.

I'm sorry you have some of this too. Good to know we are not alone though. Gives some comfort.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Sounds like a mixed episode. Wanted to do something but being exhausted. I have a hard time committing to social obligations because I never know how I’m going to feel on a given day. Does this happen to you?

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by piano97

Yes, big-time on social things like you said. It has isolated me a lot. I actually have plans tonight that I made earlier in week when was feeling great. I honestly now want to go to bed. I did lay down about an hour and wished I could sleep but not even close.

Yes, it is mixed stuff. It's exhausting.

I'm sorry you have some of this too. Good to know we are not alone though. Gives some comfort.

no you’re not alone