Trying to accept

i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar 1
i do not agree with that diagnosis ..however in discussing and reviewing symptoms and reading about the disease he said that is you all together and you have all of that ..etc.. and have had for many years we just didnt know what it was.. for myself i see some things but not all of it.... right now i am in the mania side .. not depressed . i guess i am just having a hard time accepting the diagnosis.. cant they tell by a brain scan if you have it or not? thinking i will ask my pdoc for that .. i just have to know for myself i guess. as for now just being treated for anxiety with klonopin .. its working .. i dont want anymore medicines... i cant take antidepressants at all .. been on almost all of them - did me more harm than good and i am afraid to try anymore of those. Anyone here with bipolar 1 that i can talk to?

Assuming you don't have a medical degree, I'd trust your doctor for the dx -- it is a hard one to accept, yes, but you have to eventually, if all the signs are there.

The fact that antidepressants made it worse instead of better is another sign that you are bipolar -- a-d's generally (but not always) have that effect on bipolar folks.

There is a broad spectrum of bipolar and symptoms can vary from person to person; however, I don't think brain scans show anything and would be terribly expensive anyway. Better to save them for the people who need to learn if they have brain tumors and other life-threatening stuff.

Plenty of us here to talk to -- keep posting. Also see the quizzes section of this site -- you can take bipolar, mania and depression quizzes, among others, and keep track of your scores over time. That's often useful for your care providers.

CB

Thanks for your reply ~
No not a Dr here of course .. but i have read where bipolar actually shows up in a MRI or CT scan - PET scan -
i thought it interesting .. yes it would be expensive but it would be worth it to me because it would absoulutly prove to me i have it.
That is also interesting that anti depressants do not help bipolar. . always wondered why they never worked for me.
i feel good right now - and the klonopin (low dose) works well for me - i really like it because i can function and be calm at the same time. Helps me talk to ppl etc..
i am really not looking forward to any other medicine - can therapy in itself help without medicine for mood stabilizers etc??
Coming to terms with this is tough as you can tell i am fighting it .. the diagnosis.

I have Bipolar 1 disorder too Free1, I found out I was bipolar was when I was in the psychiatric hospital. At first I didnt know what it was and when I found out what Bipolar disorder was all the symptoms described me so well. Also most anti-depressants did more harm than good for me also. I'm on my 4th anti-depressant this year and I still get into my depressed moods still. right now I take wellbutrin, lamictal, klonopin, and zyprexa.

thanks for your reply shyguy ~
i feel for you in the depression - been there.
i take klonopin and that is all. i refuse to take anything else ...no lithium etc.. the klonopin helps alot and i want to keep it that way.
i am on the high energy side - feels good..been this way for a long time - just using the energy in good ways.
hope all goes well for you - wishing you peace.

If what you are taking works, I won't suggest you stop it. I would, however, recommend you chart your moods, there are many form available, and see how stable you are, and if you do, later, need more treatment, the charts may help your doctor.

yea the klonopin works so good. she has me on the right dosage. this is the first time amy medicine has worked for me.
if i crash so to speak ..go into depression.. my pdoc will be there to help. i cant take antidepressants they make depression severe in me. hopefully with all the therapy i am getting - learning coping skills will help then.

I take an anti-depressant and Klonopin....the Klonopin seems to keep from going to high and the anti-d to low...also on a mood stabilizer...I question that one though...

If I could offer anything in terms of peace of mind...the dx is just a category for medical purposes...as mentioned before there is a wide range of differences from those of us that are BP...so don't think of it as a label...think more in terms of you have certain symptoms and with some help from a therapist and pdoc and maybe some meds...these symptoms will be lessoned...

I completely understand how you feel and how hard it is for you to accept the bipolar diagnosis. Although, I do not have bipolar myself, my husband does and it was very hard for him to accept in the beginning and it caused us many problems. He does take whatever medication his doctor gives him and it has seemed to work.....most of the time.

Right now he is very manic and depressed. He has never charted his moods, but that sounds like a great idea to me. All I know from my experience in dealing with someone who has this disorder is the best thing to do is what the doctor tells you. However you feel you must keep the doctor and anyone close to you informed as that will help in your recovery and prevent any relapse.

My husband is currently taking Lexapro for depression and Lamictal for mania. Like I said, he is currently very manic and depressed and his moods change like the sun rises an sets.

Anyway, good luck in whatever you do and also realize that having bipolar is something that can be lived with if treated by the right doctors and you are given support by your loved ones and most importantly, yourself.

thanks for your reply ~ sorry your husband has this also..hard to deal with at times i can imagine.
i am more in the mania side right now but have times where my heart sinks and i have to really fight off depression! I manage to bring my mood up by using mindfulness skills - living in the moment. seems to help pick me up. The mania is being controlled with klonopin - helps so much! sometimes i dont like it because it slows me down sometimes..especially after my second dose of the day. i dont like the feeling of being slowed down at all !
Good luck to your husband

A brain SPECT image will show whether you have bipolar I or not and help convince you. It was featured recently on several Dr. Phil shows about Asperger's and Tourette's syndrome, etc. CT and MRI's only show "structural" differences and often there aren't any of those but SPECT shows blood flow.

http://www.seeyourbrain.com/bi_polar_disorder.html

that was interesting Perna ~ maybe i should ask my pdoc about that test .. sure would convince me.
i dont have all the symptoms of mania but most of them i do. i am not an over spender .. or am i out of control so to speak - just loads of energy and racing thoughts etc...
i have worked so hard it has affected my back .. from straining it and keep going..over and over.
i would invite a chance to get to have that brain xray to see what is going on!