Waiting....Waiting....

Do you ever get damned sick and tired of waiting? #*$(j@“

We all hear the “hang in there! This will pass” when we’re going through a depression or manic phase. It’s true but I HATE it!!!!

I feel like I’m wasting my life sitting around waiting for something to pass.

I’ve accepted the fact that I’m in my 60s now. I’m probably not going to win a Nobel Prize or invent a cure for cancer. I just wish I could feel a little more....I don’t know....useful? Relevant? Making any kind of contribution to the World?

I have horrible things happen in my life. Yeah, but I have wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me.

Does that help? NOPE! I just sit here like a bump on a log. Waiting....

Well... I'll be 70 soon. All I have to look back on is a history of failure... much of it self-Imposed. I won't be winning any Nobel Prizes either. (Although since they gave one to Bob Dylan, I wouldn't even want one anyway.)

I am still married. (My wife's accomplishment... not mine.) But I have no extended family; and no friends or even acquaintances really... by choice. No good has ever accrued as a result of me having anything to do with anyone. So I just keep to myself. I consider it to be my gift to the world... or at least that tiny portion of it I inhabit. Would it be nice if things could have been different? Yes I suppose it would. But I've come to a point where I'm simply resigned... perhaps even content... to have things be the way they are now.

I enjoy watching the British mysteries they show on our local public television station. One of them was titled: "Wallander". Wallander was a Swedish police detective. Toward the end of the series, Wallander was at the end of his career & was battling Alzheimer's. In one of the last shows of the series, there was a scene where another older man, whom Wallander had known for many years, says: "When you reach my age you come to realize you can only be the person you've always been." This is true for me.

I'm waiting to win the lottery. I'm soon to be 60 and the last few years have accepted I'm not gonna impact life much. I can remember that I declared in my 20's that I wasn't gonna live life with regrets....pah ......lots of regrets

waiting OMG. I am not sure how long I can wait. How have you all done for so long? I am in my 40s .
Depression waiting is the worst, give me some hypo for once.

I kind of won the lottery...it didn’t help...the universe threw a wealthy man at me. For some odd reason he wanted to marry me. Even stranger...I accepted his proposal. I usually went for the bad boy types, and my husband is a genuine nice guy. Now I managed to wrangle it around in my mind and manage to feel guilty for having money. It never ends. I’m ridiculous.

I do need to work on accepting myself as I am. I have managed to do it in the past and felt better, but it sort of wore off. I look in the mirror and think ”who the hell are you?”

I need to drag out my workbooks or journal and start figuring out who I am again. Maybe I’m getting manic....

I so understand wishing to get hypo. Then i get hypo and that sucks too. It’s a conundrum wrapped up in a enigma. I wish I had some wise words for you. But I don’t. I’m just sitting here on this log wondering if growing Moss is the next step.

Shaz. I just love your Eat a live frog , it makes me wonder what my day would be like.

Thanks I think Winston Churchill said that. Maybe I need to take my own advice and eat a frog today.

"The waiting is the hardest part..."
-Tom Petty

Shazerac....I hear ya on this one....

I have been thinking of this a lot lately... how I have spent years waiting, hoping meds might work, I might get better long enough to enjoy life again, etc. So many years have passed and things are not getting better, in fact they are getting more complicated!

Maybe the depression is worsening again?

Still waiting for enough relief... to live life productively.... whatever that means.

You start some interesting threads, Shaz.


WC

If it helps you have made a significant and positive contribution on here

I've often thought how we, as human beings, are part of nature because, like nature, we function in cycles. I think that in a way people with bipolar disorder are closer to nature than many other people are. Maybe that's why so many people with BD are naturally involved with the arts. Art is so close to nature.

I'm not sure why your post brought that to my mind, WC, but it did.

I’m always waiting but then again do we all MI or not just wait for the passage of time ?

Wait for alarms to go off , breakfast, lunch, shopping, pay bills etc etc

I’m in a living hell but I have stopped “ waiting” I just have accepted that eventually I won’t want to leap off a bridge.

Life is so hard sometimes

Soooo over the waiting. Nothing changes with waiting. Acceptance is a good idea.

Yeah acceptance is a good idea. But I fight it still.

Acceptance is such an easy idea but so hard to accomplish.

Yes, I agree. I am super into anything creative. Its such a great outlet gives me a desire to not give up on life.

Yes! Very true!

I got tired of waiting. As we wait, the clock ticks. I turned 50 a few years ago and took it upon myself to find something new. I climb mountains and took it upon myself to dive in......like a good BP will. But I haven't let go - 3 years later, I'm still having fun. I'm convinced the challenge, circulation in my body, and fresh air cleans out the bad mojo. I'm also trying to get healthy again. I'm a lifelong birdwatcher, that's a fun pursuit too. I took up guitar and I enjoy it as well even though I suck. These are all things I can do in my own realm at my own pace on my own time.

Take a few small steps, find something challenging, and see where it goes. My best quality is that I don't give a s*** what people think of me, thus I don't need to "be useful" to "feel worthy". I just own it on my own terms.