[wildflowerchild25]

Good evening everyone. I was released from inpatient treatment today! So glad because I was getting so annoyed with some of the people there. I was at a hospital I had been to before but hadn't been to in a long time. It has a mixture of severely ill, psychotic people and higher-functioning people. It was hard to tolerate some of the severely ill people, especially with my own agitation.

So basically I got my meds tweaked a little bit. For the first two days I just laid in bed and cried. On the third day my body was hurting from that stupid flat *** mattress, so I decided I better get up. By Monday my mood was on the upswing and I was highly agitated. Why, you ask? oh, because the IP facility could not get my rexulti for me and so just made me quit cold turkey and didn't give me a replacement AP. Yeah, thanks for that. By Monday my paranoia had returned; I couldn't leave my plate of food alone to get a drink because I was afraid someone would poison it while I was away, and I couldn't have anyone behind me; I was looking constantly for people behind me and freaking out internally because I was sure someone was going to attack me, I just didn't know who. Thankfully when I told the doctor this he put me on good old Haldol. Now I take five mg of haldol twice a day, along with 1000mg depakote and 100mg lamictal.

The trouble I'm having is that my vision is blurry. I was on cogentin for side effects and I know this causes blurry vision in me, so I'm praying it's only that. The last time I was on Lamictal I had blurry vision as well, but I was also on cogentin at the time. So i'm praying, praying, PRAYING it's not lamictal. The lamictal is really helping and I just can't handle having to go off of it and find something else. I can't remember how long I've been off the cogentin; it's possible that it's only been a day or two. I don't know if it leaves your system immediately or if the side effect might take a few days to go away. Please send good vibes that it is NOT lamictal.

So in summation I am feeling better but still kind of fragile. I got an email from my principal saying he needs to meet with me tomorrow, along with my supervisor and a building rep for the NJEA. I know that means I am being fired. At first I intended to finish out my contract as it's only seven weeks; however now with this fragility I feel it would be detrimental to me to work at the moment. I don't know how this would work with insurance. I may lose it as of April 30th. Which means I can't go for outpatient treatment. My grandmother might be able to help me pay for cobra for a month or two, however. So that might be ok. We will see. I am kind of feeling like a failure. I'm kind of feeling like I'm no good at anything and will not be able to find another job, much less actually handle working. I know I need to take a couple of months off at the very least to make sure the med combo is doing its job.

So yes, I am better, but I am not completely well. But I know that will come with time.

Thanks for your continued support everyone. It really means a lot that I have this community to come to in times of need.

[Pookyl]

Hang in there. I can relate to feeling fragility - it’s an unpleasant place to be in.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Welcome back. I've had to take my own Emsam and another brand name med for something else every time I've been IP because the hospital doesn't stock it. It's frustrating.

I'm glad the new combination seems to be helping your mood. I hope the blurry vision goes away soon.

[Shazerac]

flower thanks for the update. Hope you feel a lot better soon.

[Guiness187055]

Glad to see your back.

[hopeless2015]

Sending big hugs your way!!

[Wild Coyote]

I am also glad to read your update. I hope the meds help enough.

If you are fired, can't you draw unemployment? Maybe?
It would be great if you can COBRA your insurance.

Thinking of you.

WC

Good to see you! Sending positive vibes on the Lamictal. Please be gentle with yourself. You are NOT a failure or any such thing! It's all too easy to have the mind run amok with that kind of thinking when you're in a fragile place. But it's just messing with you, because in truth you are capable and strong. It's just going to take some time to "feel" it. But that's ok. It's in there.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself with worry. One step at a time. We're here.

[boogiesmash]

Glad you are back. Sending well wishes.

[~Christina]

Not a failure a FIGHTER

Is that a Union??

Call them for help!! Maybe they can save you, or you can go on short-term disability

It’s good to see you back!

Good to see you! I hope the blurry vision goes away soon. I'm glad you're feeling better. I would just take it easy for awhile. You're not a failure, but a very strong woman.

[GoldenSnitch]

Just wanted to say hi. I’m glad you got out of IP and are feeling better than you were. Hugs!

[wildflowerchild25]

So I got let go today but because I can’t finish out my contract it counts as willingly resigning. However I am going to go to social security and see if I qualify for any type of disability or something like that. I used something I learned in the hospital today to help me through my anxiety about the meeting and it worked very well. If anyone wants to look up Recovery International I would recommend it. I just ordered the book that it’s based on.

So things are much better and not as hopeless today.

[Shazerac]

I’m glad you’re feeling more hopeful today

[Unrigged64072835]

Glad that you're okay. Things will work out.

[BipolaRNurse]

You might want to apply for unemployment benefits, even though you "resigned". I've gotten it twice after quitting jobs for severe stress. It can't hurt to try.

Do you think it could be time to go for SSDI? I know you've had a terrible time with working in recent years and you just might be eligible. It takes a long time, so you'd want to get started right away before you're in dire financial straits. You don't have to be on it forever; some people are able to go back to work after awhile. But it would give you something to live on while you're figuring things out. Your hospitalizations will be helpful in determining whether or not you should get SSDI.

If you decide to go that route, consult an attorney who specializes in disability law. They often take cases on contingency, meaning they get paid only if you win. They take 25% of your back pay on a one-time basis, but it's well worth it. I got disability on the first try with an attorney and would do it again.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, honey. I'm thinking of you. Hugs

[wildflowerchild25]

I am going between relief, panicking about money, crying because I feel like a loser who can’t keep a ****ing job, and back to relief. I’m sure that’s a normal range of emotions for someone who just lost her job due to bipolar.

Bpnurse, I am going to file for unemployment anyway, as my state will sometimes grant it if you can prove you had a medical reason to resign. Two hospitalizations and two IOP programs for two months each ought to prove that.

As for ssdi, I’m just not there yet. I want to see if I can do a lower stress job first. If I fail at that, I will consider ssdi. I just know it’s not enough to live on really especially with rent here being $1500 on average. I really want to get out of my mom’s house and there’s no way I could do that on ssdi.

Were there no disability benefits? Short term disability through an employer usually isn’t hard to get. Maybe you didn’t have it as a contract employee-? Did they make you resign with no chance to get disability through them? Did they pressure you to sign something while you were in there?

Long term disability is harder to get though. An attorney told me most people do lose their job before they can get on it. I was working with an attorney for my husband who was in the hospital for months (not me—FYI). His company was spinning off his division and I was hair trigger ready to sue them if they laid him off while he was in the hospital, because they didn’t lay off his boss. Fortunately they didn’t, but they did some other people. They knew I had an attorney to deal with the health insurance co. and the hospital and that might have helped but I don’t know.

I can’t stand all the scary sounding letters they send.

[wildflowerchild25]

No short term disability for me, not sure why but I remember the district emphasized that fact when I was first hired two years ago. I never bought disability insurance because what they offered didn’t cover pre existing conditions. Looking back I should have looked for private disability insurance but oh well.

I’m gonna have a lot of scary letters coming my way I’m sure. I’m hoping not to get too overwhelmed with paperwork. I often just leave the letters to sit for months. I shouldn’t do that.

Ugh, I’m sorry...my current employer doesn’t offer disability, short term or long term. I don’t bother trying to buy it. I’ve seen application forms. I’m sure I would pitch it before I would answer. I probably can’t get it anyway.

I have screwed myself failing to open mail. I know what you mean

[Cocosurviving]

I understand the points you made. It’s not easy living on disability. I would love to move back to Nashville but I can not afford to live there on disability. I am lucky to also get child support and my ex and I get along pretty well. He will send extra if things come up. Keep your head up.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I understand the points you made. It’s not easy living on disability. I would love to move back to Nashville but I can not afford to live there on disability. I am lucky to also get child support and my ex and I get along pretty well. He will send extra if things come up. Keep your head up.

I live south of Nashville! No way could I afford to live in that concrete jungle. No affordable housing there at all , constantly on the news about it.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I live south of Nashville! No way could I afford to live in that concrete jungle. No affordable housing there at all , constantly on the news about it.

When I was working I living in Nashville for almost thirteen years. I moved to Oklahoma where my parents are once I decided to apply for disability. The cost of living is cheaper.