Do these behaviors fit with bipolar disorder?

Thank you so very much for your kind reassurance on the matter. While I rationally do know this, deep down I can't help but question it and analyze my behavior wondering if I did something wrong. While I am by no means perfect and did not understand what was happening, all I did was offer kindness and support, from bringing his favorite treats to try to alleviate his bad moods to bringing him with me to the farm after he broke up with me so he wouldn't be alone while in depression, which was met either with more unmotivated anger or with indifference since he is so lost within himself and whatever his issues are. I can be at peace knowing that there was honestly nothing more I could have done.

I really don't know how to thank you all for taking the time to help a complete stranger, even if my posts are off topic in this forum. Your kindness is truly overwhelming and I can't say how much I appreciate it!

Tucson and Innerzone - thank you so much for sharing your experiences and insight. I do think I ended up putting up with rather abusive behavior because I was only focusing on the 'good times', a mistake I have done in the past, hence clearly something I need to work on for the future. I assumed it would pass but, judging from what I know about this person, it seems clear it would keep regularly cropping up following his mood swings.

And as you wisely say, it seems highly unlikely that he will take action to try and break the cycle and seek help. That's a shame, but it's his life and his choice, and therefore the only choice I have left is to walk away and work on making peace with what happened.

Even if he miraculously recovered from his current episode tomorrow and came back promising the moon, the truth is that I could never trust travelling again with him, not knowing that he might suddenly flip out from one day to the next and run off leaving me alone in a foreign country. I'm lucky that I resisted his suggestions of signing a one year contract for an apartment or investing money in a year-long working permit while we were in Laos, since I am cautious when it comes to these sort of things, or I would already have been left with issues to sort out while he ran off. A modicum of reliability is absolutely necessary.

One thing I'm finding grimly amusing at the moment is that, after 8 years, he still resents the fact that an old long term girlfriend refused to go travelling with him and broke up with him saying he was 'too unstable'. He is still outraged about it. Well, I would say that she knew him well enough and was pretty darn smart and spot-on

In my experience the ex girlfriend is always wise .

Embers, no worries, we are happy to help. I don't think you're off topic at all (or I wouldn't have suggested it, lol), so again, no worries.

You seem to have a good handle on the dynamic. Don't worry about having focused on the good times, maybe excusing or discounting the bad ones on account of them, a LOT of us have, myself included. (Oh, and how!) I'm so glad you never went in on leases or investments with him --very wise. The thing you find grimly amusing? It sure is!

Dear friends,
I had my confirmation today that indeed his 'dark period' has nothing to do with me or our relationship, so I can definitely put my mind at ease on the matter.
I called a friend at the farm to catch up and he told me that my ex left suddenly this morning with no warning and without even saying where to (later, said ex wrote to tell me he's moving above a bar we used to go to where he'll work a few days a week) and that he thinks the ex is getting worse and worse.

I have to admit part of me still hoped that after I left, he might feel better - it would have stung, of course, but at least I'd have known he was okay. I'd say all your wise words about how his issues, whatever they might be, really had/have nothing to do with me have been validated. I'm really, really sorry for him, but I hope it doesn't make me a horrible person to say that having this confirmation is going to help me greatly in peacefully moving on from what happened.

This is good news!

BTW I envy your job and the traveling that you do. I can telecommute, but I would need to visit my employer from time to time. But then there is Skype.

Hello, dear friends,

Tucson - yes, it is very convenient, although at times it's a little weird not to be settled down somewhere, especially now that I'm thirty! I just haven't found a place where I'd like to live permanently yet

I thought I'd update you on the situation. We talked on the phone today and I gently mentioned that my friend suggested he might have hypomania at times and perhaps it's something he might want to look into. He actually seemed responsive and said it definitely sounds like him and he'll see a doctor when he goes back home, although later in the conversation he did a U turn saying hypomania is awesome and he hates himself anyway, he's his worst enemy and he'll just kill himself later.

I still encouraged him to seek a possible diagnosis so that even if he decides not to address his issues, at least maybe he'll know what he's dealing with.

Unfortunately, the conversation was marred by the fact that a common friend told me an hour prior that my ex admitted to cheating on me a couple of months ago, when he was in full energizer bunny phase. The rumours had caused us trouble back then and he denied it so vehemently (and the girl in question acted like such a good friend of mine) that I believed him. Also, we actually hung out with the group of friends, including the girl, a few nights a week, she wanted to see me all the time and I didn't think anyone could be so brazen.

I guess I should have seen it coming, really. And perhaps I did, which might be why despite the initial shock, I'm surprisingly okay at the moment. I guess it's all just part of filing things away as I close this chapter of my life.

He is still adamantly denying it to me, although according to the friend, he is the one who admitted it. In fact, he said he wishes I was there with him, that he never said I should leave because he didn't want me around but just because he would be leaving too since the job fell through, and tried to invite me to go on a road trip to Vietnam with him next month (???).

I was calm and collected throughout the call, told him that I'm not mad at him for everything that happened because I think if he could choose to be stable and happy he would, and while I'm mad at the unfairness of the situation, it's unfair for him too and I understand it wasn't personal and I was just collateral damage. I concluded once again encouraging him to seek help since he doesn't deserve to live in constant turmoil.

I'm not sure how i managed to rise above this way. I might wake up furious and hurt tomorrow because of his cheating and lying about it for two months, and even now.

Anyway. I guess I can be at peace knowing I did everything I could to help and that all along I did nothing to deserve this cluster****, or his rages, or his betrayal, the girl's disgusting duplicity, or the way he discarded me at the end.

I guess I'm used to it - I had three relationships in my life, one of which lasted 9 years, and they all ended with me being cheated on. I guess I'll look into therapy because if I had trust issues before this guy - and he seemed so kind and receptive when I discussed the issue! - I can only imagine they will get exponentially worse now. Then again, my main resolution was to never again rely on a person to the point of being distraught by their eventual betrayal, and judging by my surprisingly calm reaction, I guess I must have made progress in that sense.

Now I just want to leave this whole meaningless disaster behind me and resume my travels joyful and relaxed as they always were when I travelled on my own.

I wish you the best with this. You have been through a lot. You strike me as a strong person. I'm do sorry you got cheated on -- it is awful. Ugh. You are very right in realizing you've done nothing to deserve the turmoil and all the rest if it.

Happy travels! Any idea where you might be heading next?