I feel like I don't have bipolar. I feel the diagnosis is fake and wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if I have autism instead of bipolar, but I don't know if the autism diagnosis is worth it. I mean, what are you going to do? Therapy helps provide you with coping mechanisms, and honestly, it seems that mood stabilizers and stimulants are the main course of medication treatment, even if there are no "approved" medication treatments. But anyway, I'm on both meds already (Lamictal and Ritalin). Sometimes antipsychotics are used as well (Rexulti for me).

The flat facial affect, the monotonous voice, the poor eye contact, the anger/frustration, the picky eating, the sensory issues, the isolation, the social avoidance, the poor sex drive, the obsession with numbers, the Masters degree in Computer Science (which is a common field that aspies like), the OCD-like symptoms... (I actually have an OCD diagnosis.) All of those symptoms make me suspect that I have autism because all forms of schizo have been ruled out during recent testing. Plus, autism runs in the family. So sometimes I suspect I don't have bipolar, even though doctors have suggested that my grandma had bipolar 1.

I don't recall ever being manic, even though I've been depressed a bunch of times. I've had sleep issues, but many people with autism have had them.

My therapist says Ive had pressured speech, hyperactivity, and delusions, but I don't believe it. I think she's wrong and misunderstands because of my facial affect issues.

I've had 3 evaluations and 3 have said bipolar 1, but I think I've misreported symptoms by accident because my first eval ever said NO to bipolar. That, or the doctors have gotten confused by my symptoms since it's hard to diagnose autism. But I don't want the bipolar diagnosis if I don't have it. I mean, I don't care about the autism diagnosis, but I DO care about the bipolar diagnosis.

It's possible to have both. I do have a mild lean onto the spectrum and have a child that is Asperger's but my diagnosis is bipolar 1 with ADHD and PTSD.

Yeah, could be both.

You sound a lot like my daughter She is only 10, and the pediatriician told me she likely has sensory processing disorder. She was slow to develop some motor skills like jumping and still takes the stairs down in a weird way. I think she just missed the end of the autism spectrum near Aspergers. Already, she likes computer science and says she wants to get a Ph.D. in computer science. Her math skill are sky high even though we have not worked ahead with her except for math competitions (the teacher who coaches will work them ahead a little), and she's already won 4 math medals, and she already reads at above a 12th grade level though she is only 10. I had to email her math teacher this morning to tell her not to give any math problems my daughter writes out to other kids to solve because she was telling me problems she wrote for getting to know you type answers like how many siblings you have, how many pets your have, etc. And that was just her first day of 5th grade yesterday. Not a surprise, she was given the GT label in kindergarten. But she lacks social skills and reading social cues. She is highly introverted and has made 2 best friends, both extreme extroverts, and one the only child I've met with such good people skills, helping my daughter through meltdowns at school. She has not been diagnosed. We don't have the money, and my husband does not want her labeled. when she was around 5 or 6, she used to stim when I told her to do something she didn't want to do. She cannot stand loud noise and last year told me the noise encouraged to rile up all the kids for the school fundraiser made her feel sick. Strangely, she never lies about anything either, even if she knows it will put her in trouble. I could go on about her sensory issues; there are a lot. I'm about 99% certain my father is undiagnosed Asperger's. Everyone who meets him and talks to him knows he is not exactly normal within 1-2 minutes. I wish I had known this as a kid; growing up with him was hard. I have only a surface relationship with him because he never seems to relate to people.

I hope she will not grow up to have bipolar, but mental health issues run deep along my mother's side of the family, and then there's me, so I think she's already predisposed to developing bipolar. Or maybe not because of her personality being so quirky.

You're probably right. Bipolar is the scapegoat when they don't know what you have.
Like a virus or an allergy. The perennials when they don't know what you have.

I am going to be straight up with you.

You know better than this, particularly since you have three diagnosis. Those pdocs are not lying to you. You are simply rationalizing that you must have something else in order to invalidate your BP diagnosis. This is the only reason you think you should be diagnosed differently. So why don’t you be straight up with yourself? This will help you see your situation more clearly. After all, your priority is your mental health, correct? So you have to get this right, and not because you do not like being diagnosed as BP.

You know how many times I have heard something like this here before on PC? You know the saying that if I had a dollar for each time I have seen this, I would have a substantial amount of money in my bank account. You need to think of this realistically. It takes some people years to accept their MI, maybe even more. I am sure there are those people that never accept their diagnosis no matter how many trips to IP. I have seen this here. I think part of this is the nature of being BP. Please try to avoid being such a person. This will not have you waste your time and allow you to get the medical help that you need. This is what you deserve.

Beautiful, but be careful. "The calm before the storm".

I'm in doubt also. None of the meds help me or fit into my life style.

Bipolar type two
Generalized anxiety disorder
Avoidance personality disorder
Liver cirrhosis
Chronic pain
Substance abuse disorder
*to sensitive*
Idk idk idk

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with emotions, so I try and follow the life of a sociopath, to feel nothing. I've built a fortress in my mind. And this time, nobody is allowed in side.

Man, f u c K this. Normal people bore the crap out of me.

Well this has been educational

bluebicycle, you're really going to have to talk about this seriously with your doctor or get more opinions. I am not sure what you can get out stating your rejection of your bipolar diagnosis here. I'm not sure what you are looking for in this thread. Just getting the thought out there/venting? Asking for opinions?

I'm not qualified to speculate on diagnoses. I obviously know a lot about bipolar disorder. I also know a little about autism spectrum disorders since both of my nephews were diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. And yet, I've seen people with Asperger's that were kind of different than my nephews in some ways. My nephews themselves presented a teeny bit different than each other. My younger nephew also had bipolar disorder diagnosis. He tragically died from it last year. I'm not sure if his Asperger's played any part. I can say that his bipolar course was different than mine. He suffered far more from depression than I have. Manias of various levels have characterized my course more. I believe in the spectrum idea for both autism and bipolar disorder.

My nephews seemed to be affected by Asperger's to such a degree that my family assumed/s that neither would ever live on their own. I wonder if my living nephew will ever marry. I know some with Asperger's do, though.

Blubicycle, I hope what I said did not offend you or hurt you in any way. I can be very assertive at times, too assertive that borders on aggression.

Hi there blue, I just want to point out that I have definitely known you to exhibit delusional symptoms here on PC. I definitely know how you feel, though - I question my BD diagnosis a lot. It is usually extremely difficult (impossible?) for us to be objective about our diagnosis, simply because we are inside of our own skin.

I personally was thrilled when I got my “ label” I had bounced all over mood wise for decades. So accepting for me was simple.

Regardless of your “label” it’s all about treating the symptoms.

I have seen you very unwell many many times and it does not present like autism, not at all.

This ^^^^^^

—your are describing a lot of symptoms that do NOT fall within bipolar. List all your symptoms and have the pdoc look at it. We bps are up,were down, and sometimes we rapid cycle, but flat affect? Not unless we’re too tired from all that emotion! I’m joking, of course. I wouldn’t rule out your having more than one disorder.

Whose opinion would you accept? Seek him/her out, please.

I know many of us here care very much about you.
What can we do to help?

You are loved just as you are.

WC

blue, how can you account for the hallucinations?
Isn't that some part of other mental illnesses?
bizi

That's a good point, everyone -- maybe I do have both. I agree that I should see a specialist. Maybe you're right, Tuscon, that other professionals can't be wrong if they agree? But I still have this nagging feeling that I misreported symptoms, and I feel like these professionals are just basing their diagnoses on the existing diagnoses I have, rather than coming up with their own.

I'm not sure about the hallucinations or delusions, bizi. I do remember getting some hallucinations, looking back on things, but not the delusions.

I think I'll do what you said, luvyrself. I'll bring a list of symptoms with me, but maybe to my therapist instead since she knows me better.

I have thought that I misreported the symptoms. I figured out earlier that I am BP. At least this was what I thought. So by the time I met my first pdoc, I was aware of all the symptoms. I thought I managed to outwit three experienced professions without meaning to. I am now beginning to remember instances in my past where I find solid examples that pertain to some of the symptoms of BP. These were the symptoms I felt were missing which meant I actually may not have BP. This really surprised me. Earlier I was not remembering this part of my history.

Have you considered requesting an evaluation for your daughter at school? She can receive free services if she qualifies. It sounds like she could at least benefit from occupational therapy. I know your husband doesn't want her to be labeled, but it is something to think about.

I've also questioned my diagnosis in the past, particularly when manic. But this is fairly common for people with Bipolar to do. Nowadays I've accepted it.

My p-doc says the same thing. In the beginning, he said "well, something's up, not sure exactly, but your behavior isn't normal". He calls himself a "diagnostic agnostic" but he eventually landed on BP after six months of visits. He's more interested in treating the symptoms. I might have BP or BPD or anxiety. Or some combo of the three.....or just two. I simply roll with it and keep working on getting better.

Bluebicycle, as an aside, I have a friend who we joking call a "holic". He's been diagnosed with BP but he was into drugs, sex, booze, gambling, you name it. He's a character - three years into recovery. In short, he warned me there would come a time when I would turn on my diagnosis. "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm perfectly normal, they made a mistake, I don't feel bipolar". That sort of thing. What we need to do is trust our docs to give us the right direction. It's OK to question things but we should do so in a measured fashion.

Good luck.

My old pdoc was more of a "relieve the symptoms regardless of the diagnosis" person as well. It was only after we went through a few tricyclic antidepressants with nothing happening that she decided to put me on Lamictal. She didn't even tell me until I confronted her after being told in IP.

It's hard for me because I don't see my episodes as "that bad." But I know the current treatment is working so that's what matters.

Has this affect been going on before you started meds?