[Victoria'smom]

So I have money on a card waiting for a company to tell me if they'll allow Miguel to attend an event because it doesn't say age requirements. He comes to me and tells me he doesn't want to go. He'd be useless and because of him they'll fail their project. WTH, the money's waiting. We sat here and went over all the knowledge he has that could be helpful. If he lets his anxiety/depression rule him he'll never do what he wants. This is a real concern because he tuns 18 in about a year and a half. If he wants to go to a university (and he says he does) he has about 11 months before he has to put in his applications. A little under two years before he goes of to work. However he feels worthless and stuck and I don't know how to help. Now I really am concerned if his team doesn't finish that he'll become suicidal. I feel we kinda ganged up on him and maybe he really doesn't want to go. This was suppose to build his self esteem, let him see what it feels like to work in a team for a common goal but how do you know if it's to much? He's still having trouble getting up in the morning? When do I know I'm pushing to much? I don't want to spend all this money to make my kid suicidal. Where do you draw the line between being pushy and being supportive?

it could be a simple fact of him not quite understanding the intensity of going to university.

I may not have gone to a university myself, but I do know they are quite demanding- and it could be a case of well... all my friends are going to one, I want to go to one too (teenagers are like that)

I'd just sit him down and explain things, ask what he's anxious about, and try to give him encouragement related to that anxiety.

you can't force him to go to some event he doesn't want to go too, true,, but if you help him understand why he's anxious, you could help him go to it (and if the event is a one day thing, stay with him during it)

and if he doesn't go, yes, you've lost all that money you payed to have him go, but also he has to decide his own future, his own path

maybe he's not ready for certain asspects, and that's okay

[zijax]

When I was 18 I wanted to backpack around Europe and work here and there. My Father said absolutely not. He said this was my only chance to go to college and would not pay for it again unless I went now! I was late applying because I hadn't planned on going. I wound up at a huge university. It was overwhelming. I could'nt understand anything. There were thousands of voices. The classrooms were auditoriums with the tiny little professors blaring out googly gop from their microphones.

I ended up dating a coke dealer and getting messed up on drugs and alcohol. I flunked out. I was Bipolar and didn't know it. I was trying to self-medicate. Later on I did go back to school but it was a small two year associate degree program. I did very well-made straight A's but I wanted to go.

Just my experience for what it's worth.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm not for or against him going to college. If he wants to go he needs a portfolio. The state schools have about a 50% accepting rate. We made sure he has a degree when he graduates just in case he doesn't want to go.

What I'm talking about is a game jam. It's where people team up and create a game together in 48 hr. Cool because he wants to be an indie game developer. He would have a chance to work with a team to build something from scratch. It's not a win or loose thing. There's no prizes or anything. He feels he won't be a productive member and make it so they don't complete their project. He's so against himself I don't know what to do.

[unaluna]

Oh, i hope he goes! Honestly, in any group, there are usually more people striving to be leaders than followers. As long as he can code, and is willing to code other peoples ideas, he would be helping his team.

The fun of a group endeavor like this is, seeing ideas come out of seemingly nowhere. He may not have a fully thought out idea for a game, and that may be why he doesnt want to go. But that is not the point of his going. Its to work as part of a team.

Somebody else MAY have a fully thought out idea. The other team members will help implement it, and find problems and improvements in it.

It will be a good intro to college projects and work projects. Hard workers are always welcome!

Eta - and yes, i have participated in many such teams. Usually i would work mostly alone as a coder, but team work also happened. Its a good way to hear yourself thinking compared to other peoples thinking. You dont have to do ALL the talking.

[Victoria'smom]

Well I went to talk to him and it escalated to the point that I now own his phone AND his room is only to sleep in. He gets no access to electronics unless he's in the living area not the bedrooms. We are not going to the event. It just all together sucks. We'll see if there's a change in his attitude when he's unplugged from the things he "doesn't like" but passes time. I'm really thinking about throwing him in IOP. Something needs to click with him or I'm not going to have a kid and that scares the hell out of me.

[zijax]

This is hard to do...letting it go. When I'm wound tight around something or someone I can't control I release it or them. It's when I'm at the end of my rope. I focus on me and what my needs are. I try to accept the situation as it is now. It will change...it always does. I've done all I can do about it. Iwill let it take its natural course. I have to do this or I go insane which only tangles the knot further.