Here goes... gut spilling

I want you to consider what I am about to say. If you tell me that you disagree, I will respect that. I think the reasons you are coming up with for you to be the one to move out is just a rationalization for avoiding conflict. Having him stay there will only cost you more money. He would knowingly be taking advantage of you. Since you will not be there, he can invite women over for sex. How long do you expext this to go on? You would be funding his stay in your apartment. This would also include food, correct? He has to eat. Thusly he has absolutely no reason to leave. IMO drop him off at his father’s house, and then leave. Better yet, let the hospital deal with this.

I think once he is back in you home, it may become very difficult to evict him. He has a medical problem that may not permit him to fuction, for instance by holding down a job. So you may be considered as endangering his health when evicted. I would check up on this.

This is all I will say.

You are doing great, Innerzone. I admire your strength. Change like this, esp in the circumstances, can be difficult but it sounds like you are making the best of it. - tecomsin

He can cancel his sugery. Call his dad and take your stuff yes even the bed. Report the charge and cancel your card. So sorry this happened you don't deserve this.

Ok. I am SOOO anxious about this. (Please do not move this thread, I need "my" fellow BP people at this time.) I will try to be as concise as possible. Not easy.

My T does know of this, but other than that, no one knows a thing. For two weeks now, and it NEVER STOPS in my head. I am in a no-win situation.

I have both T and med appointments next week. TG.

Here goes. My BF, whom I have lived with for almost 9 years, cheated on me. Online. While I slept, he watched a bunch of porn, then decided to join a hook up site. To the tune of $70, which we definitely do not have to waste. He immediately started chatting someone up, trying to set a hook up for the next day when I would be at work.

When I woke, I came out to the living room and he very quickly diverted a page. I was, of course, immediately suspicious. What the hell is this?! I read the whole conversation. Out loud. I was FURIOUS.

**A very important thing to know is that this past year he has had serious medical issues, which I have devotedly attended to like a saint (seriously). AND THIS IS HOW I AM REPAID.

I said as much. And told him we're done. I will not tolerate being disrespected like that. (He has had questionable communications before and I have had issues with some of his unrelated behavior as well, but this was so concrete and in my face, it was very much the last straw). I switched the computer and "his" phone to a new password (I pay for everything, therefore the quotation marks). He can call 911, his doctors and me. That's it. No internet.

That very night, he had yet another 911 ER episode (more fun for me being up all night before having to work after all that went down!). Upon release from hospital next day he tries to distract me with sex. A couple more days later and he gives me some load of crap story ending with how he didn't have any intention of carrying through. YEAH RIGHT. I read it and can assure you that, "Oh btw, I'm actually in a long term committed relationship and I was just kidding" was NOT where that conversation was heading.

A week from the incident, I am going over my finances and discover, get this.... he used MY CARD to do it!!!!!!!!! O.M.G. (He tried to make like that number "just came up". More like there was nothing in his accounts, so he just stole mine.)

I started to look for someplace to live.

Complicating factor #1: money. I can't afford it, though I am trying. (Only looking for a room, nothing fancy and in fact found a place I think would be good, but I can't swing it yet.)

Just stay and kick him out, right? Not so simple.

Complicating factor #2: he is scheduled for a second spinal surgery this Monday. They are incapacitating.

We have no friends or family to help in such matters. (His dad is a 4 hour drive away.)

Soooo, if I leave, I look like a "monster", abandoning the helpless and income-less. (Also, the bed is mine.)

To not leave is to say I have no dignity whatsoever.

FML

My true feeling is that no matter what happens, he CHOSE it, in all its phenomenal stupidity. They're called consequences.

I am cordial (yes, really) and do not want strife (my divorce was 100% amicable). I just want to get on with my life. But it doesn't look possible yet. And so I feel very, very trapped. He has a whole bunch of Cluster B attributes, so I can't see this being drama-free. Unfortunately.

Virtually no useful conversation has occurred because he's been "sleeping" pretty much non-stop since. Avoidance much? He wants the whole thing just glossed over and forgotten. (Not going to happen.)

I have been thinking about calling his dad. Just to give him a heads up, as he has no idea (and it would fall back on him including financially), but the idea terrifies me. His dad and I have always gotten along. He KNOWS how devoted I have been through thick and thin. But BF loves to lie and would undoubtedly make up some nonsense that would paint him blameless and me as a witch. So partially, I also want to avoid that. And say been nice knowing him and referring to him as "FIL" all these years. Any advice on calling him?

I guess I'm just also wondering if there's some insight/solution that's staring me in the face that I just can't see.

Sorry so long. It's a mess. How can I bear to keep paying rent here and providing everything and waiting hand and foot on someone who has no clue what respect means? I am really, really hating my life right now. TG for meds, or I'd be a serious mess (and at some moments, still am).

Oh, don't be afraid to ask, bizi! It is going well. Sunday I moved to a room in a nice house. I think that having people around will be good for me (less isolation). I feel quite energized actually. Like there are new possibilities.

Now don't be too hard on me everyone, but yes I still have interaction with my ex (still getting used to saying that). We do enjoy the companionship. He will be moving before too long to a considerable distance away.

Heh, I was actually asked for a date by someone before I even moved out(!) I did turn it down, but it did give a boost to my self esteem. Like maybe I've still got it (or got something anyway, lol(!)

Well, I've got to get ready for work now, but thanks for asking, bizi!

Sounds like things are going in the right direction and YOU made it happen !!!! Be proud and enjoy your new home.

I am so happy for you IZ : hug: