[wiretwister]

if you could go back in time .... before pdocs and meds .... before you knew ..... would you ... ?

do you ever miss the life you had before ... ?

is this what you had hoped your life would be like ... ?

just a question ... Tigger ...

[Wild Coyote]

I really miss the life I'd had before, kind of. I had gotten to the point where I'd truly needed meds.

This is not what I had expected my life would be like, at all.

I am trying hard to find a place of radical acceptance.

Easier said than done!


WC

[TheSeaCat]

I would no doubt about it, in all honesty I would go back to April and call in the day that started my downward spiral; maybe then the anxiety wouldn't have happened. I wish I could go back so badly. Maybe then I would still have the job I truly loved.

[*Laurie*]

A good question. The life I had before psychiatric intervention was a fun 4 years of high school. Sure, I'd love to be back there for a day or two. Mostly, I miss the friendships and how close we were. I feel incredibly lucky to have had my high school years turn out to be such a breeze; I believe that I spent most of those 4 years on a nice hypomanic/manic high. Prior to high school and immediately following high school I had severe issues with depression, anxiety, and anger.


As much as I hate to accept it, medication gave me a life. It took away the looming shadows that fell over every aspect of my life.


At this time in my life the biggest challenge medication presents is that I feel so tried and half-sick from it all the time. The side-effects of weight gain, imbalance when I move, and so on.

What I had hoped my life would be? Hoped, no. Pretty much expected, yes.

[Aviza]

If I could go back I would. My life is nothing like it could be. I miss having a family, that was ripped from me. I miss being married, probably won't be. Missed opportunities I'm really kicking myself for those. It's just bad decision making, not trusting my gut. And I'm still that person that doesn't trust my gut when I should. Something is really wrong with me.

If I had known then what I know now I would have wanted bipolar meds at 15 years old, but fewer and smaller doses. Hopefully that would have prevented the tragedies in my life at 32/34 that continued for years and still affect me to a degree today.

I loved life up until about 31/32, despite having had some major episodes off and on in my youth, but being unmedicated for so long worsened the course of my illness.

There is no way I could live happily long without medications now. I know that. I would be a moron if I tried to quit meds again. It could be my death.

Nah. But I had never really envisioned how my life would be, so I’ve never felt much of a sense of loss. While I don’t enjoy having the struggles that I have, I’m pretty much at peace with the fact that this is who I am — this is the experience that the universe laid out for me. Not so much in a fatalistic sense, just........everyone gets both the good and the bad...nobody escapes suffering ... this is just how my version has played out.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know if I'd go back to pre-meds or not. I was a huge drunk. I wasted years drinking. During my last mixed/manic episode I wish I would have taken the meds offered me. My life was perfect prior to that and I ruined it. I've become a pathetic person.

[Blueberrybook]

Yes, but if I did, I'd be going back to age 4...and having a different father too (that probably messed me up before age 4 and was likely the reason I'm told I never wanted to leave my maternal grandparents' house to go home); other stuff did affect me later (and the bipolar fully manifested worse and worse from ages 20-25), but stuff with my dad definitely lasted 18 years, actually into the present though thank God I don't live with my parents any more.

But if I could go back to high school (minus the depression and low self-esteem), I would. I was smart (class valedictorian, could easily remember class material), won awards for art, wrote short stories & poetry & apparently very good essays on assigned English topics, was top business student, top student in most every subject I took from 10th grade on (had a bit of competition with the salutatorian), won regional awards in science, math, editorial writing. Though I still didn't make friends easily and was extremely shy (worse than I was even now), and I never remember not having sleep difficulties.

But I'd love to have my brains and artistry back, love to defy my father and major in English in college like I wanted to instead of microbiology. I was good at micro., I was smart, did better than most pre-med students in my major though by the end, I had the anorexia, depression, was on a few psych meds, and I was no longer the person who started out with so much promise leaving high school.

[~Christina]

Mine started at age 6 , the traumas that caused it could not easily been stopped thanks to my uncle.

I have no idea how idea how my life would have be after that long summer.

I can’t miss something I never had.

I'd go back if only I could ............

for me, a lot of it would depend on the conditions

for example: I wouldn't want to go back in time and relive all the horrific abuse I went through and all the problems of childhood (unrelated to MI)

however: if I could go back in time and land somewhere else, I probably would since I feel my one shot at life has been robbed (I'm not going to get another one sadly)

yes I didn't have many ambitions back then but I did have more of an idea than I do now

[Fuzzybear]

It’s not what I’d hoped

But some of it is better than I’d hoped

[downandlonely]

I sometimes wish I could go back and not make some of the poor decisions I made. But I try not to live in the past.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I sometimes wish I could go back and not make some of the poor decisions I made. But I try not to live in the past.

This too for sure.

[rwwff]

I miss it some, but things were falling apart for me function wise; I was pretty much at the end of the line. Failing to go in could have cost me everything, so in the end, I'd have to pass on going back to pre-pdoc time.

I'm just glad I was able to see someone while I was up and hazardous, could have been a disaster in short order.

[diamondprincess]

Yes, I would go back. I had depression, but life was still livable and I had things to look forward to. Now I don't, so life has been pretty hellish the past few years.

[Christopher1990]

It seems like we would all back. But how would I prevent it? I was only 13 and got thrown in a adolescent psych unit for 3 weeks. There was really no way of preventing it or masking it.
If I could go back, I would make smarter choices. Meaning taking my meds and staying away from weed.
I live with so much regret. But the hope never goes away.

[Victoria'smom]

I wish I didn't know my quirks were psychosis. I've had BP from childhood. I don't feel I would have met my husband without BP. If I could go back it would be in college before I knew. I had hopes that I would beat this and it was just temporary teen stuff.

[yellow_fleurs]

I started having mood issues when I was 15 I believe, possibly before, and developed and ED as an unhealthy coping mechanism. If I could go back, I would make sure I had a therapist who could help me (mine kind of just didn't know what to do with me I guess, and I didn't seem that bad as she was just like "guess we can see how you do without therapy" even though we made no real progress) and I would possibly see a psychiatrist and try meds. Even if I had had a bad reaction to an antidepressant back then, at least I might be on the right path to a diagnosis.
I tried to manage on my own and did decently to deal with my moods for 16 more years until it got really bad. I just kind of wish I had realized and received that help as a teenager/in my 20s as I think it would have made a difference in my life. I have had many great things in my life, and am not complaining, but I don't really feel there is a "before" time for me that I would want to return to, except maybe when I was a kid.