[HlynnO88]

Hi everyone I’m new to this forum. I am a woman who is a survivor, against all odds. I’m bi polar, borderline, I have adhd and ptsd. Currently I am in a depressive episode.

I just had a miscarriage and I can’t help but to feel incompetent guilt. Even though I’m told by the doctors, it’s not your fault, I can’t help but to blame myself for the meds I take. The meds that make me feel alive are toxins to an embryo. I feel like any and all meds for pregnant women are bad.

I want to have a baby so badly, and I’m off my meds right now. I’m seeing a naturopathic doctor next week. I feel as though I am some sort of addict for needing medication just to be nice. I wish so badly I could just feel healthy with out anything unnatural.

If there are any women out there that are bi polar and pregnant, or have had kids and taken meds during pregnancy or stopped meds, please reach out. I feel so depressed right now and kind of feel like my social circle has deemed me as unstable and useless. I feel like a burden to them or ambiguous.

I’ve been amazing during my positive mania episodes but also a total asshole through the chapters on and off. I’m tired of the symptoms and I’m reaching down to the core. I want to have a baby with my husband but I don’t want to go off my rocker. And I feel like it’s so wrong to take meds while pregnant. I do not wish to adopt and can not afford a surrogate. I want the whole experience of creating life, with out that I feel useless.

What are the best ways to deal with bi polar during pregnancy and conception?

[Victoria'smom]

Do you have access to a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient program? If I were to get pregnant again I would go to there for the duration of the pregnancy and try med free.

I had my son before I started meds. I didn't do well after his birth. I was to afraid to tell anyone. I stayed in a horrible mixed psychotic episode for months. So my suggestion is to get as intensive care you can and if all else fails take meds.

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC!

I am sorry; I don't have an answer for you.
Just wanted to welcome you.
I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do jump in and make yourself at home.
I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

[Blueberrybook]

Don't blame the meds.

I went off the meds around before pregnancy (along with the pill), but back then I had a diagnosis of major depression, not bipolar, along with the rest, except the ADHD. By the time we started trying, I was taking all kinds of herbal stuff just to sleep & function, doing acupuncture.

I belonged to an online fertility forum and read so many moms posting about pregnancy, either wanting to conceive or horrified that they had conceived on psych meds.

Let me tell you, for the majority of those moms, it worked out just fine as far as ending up with healthy babies; I am not sure how they handled motherhood beyond that. There were moms on psych meds their entire pregnancies because sometimes the parents and OBs just have to make tough choices, and if a mom is doing risky, dangerous stuff, drinking, doing illegal drugs (self-medicating in a sense), that is likely to cause worse harm to the fetus. One mother with a due date very new my own stayed on some amount of Klonopin while pregnant and something else (but I can't remember if she was bipolar or had major depression). Her child came a little early, but she had high blood pressure issues (not psych med related) as well.

I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar when I started trying to conceive, but I'd been misdiagnosed, so yes, I was already bipolar. I was lucky and able to stay off psych meds most of my pregnancy, except the last month, I was on Zoloft and Xanax. After pregnancy, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and talking it out, weighing the choices with H, we chose I breastfeed while taking Cymbalta, not recommended by any doc, for sure, but my daughter is no worse for wear.

My middle sister has 2 sons. Right between them, she had a miscarriage in the 2nd trimester (a girl). That whole pregnancy was tough. Bad numbers from the get go, hormone levels not increasing correctly, heartbeat not right. She did everything under the sun (this sister of mine & her husband are quite well off, so money was not a barrier).

Possible trigger:

The fetus died, and then I think she had to pass it naturally; it was a nightmare for her.

She wanted that baby so bad. She never even took psych meds. It just happened.

And with me, I was lucky, I got pregnant pretty much right when I started trying. Then, when H and I decided to go for #2, nothing. Every test was normal, and we didn't have money for fertility procedures. I was getting really bad mentally, worse than I'd been in the past (except not much anorexia issues at that time). I think I lasted 2, 3 months without any psych meds. Pdoc said go on them, I can think about stopping them if I should get pregnant. We never did get pregnant again. I wonder about the psych meds, but doubt it. I wonder if I shouldn't have used a copper IUD for birth control after my daughter, but I don't think that did it either. I wonder if I exercised too much after my first was born.

It was secondary infertility. It sucks, but it happens. The doctors don'tknow why.

But anyway, it was nothing you did and not the psych meds. Honestly, if women manage to have babies all hopped up on cocaine and other illegal drugs, psych meds are pretty tame in the big scheme of things.

You can PM me if you like. I don't remember too many exact pregnancy details; my daughter will be 11 in December, but if there is something you want to ask, I'm glad to help.

And a supportive spouse or significant other is an absolute must.

[Nammu]

My daughter is also bipolar she went off meds for her first baby and had to be hospitalized when her son was 3 weeks old. Though her second one she was on Latuda and in therapy and was stable the whole time and her daughter is in great health, smart as a whip. I wasn't diagnosed until my daughter was three so meds were not an issue for me. Being in therapy is a definite plus and I think the IOP has a lot of merit especially as you also have borderline. Best of luck to you.

[MsSchadenfreude]

Your worth is not contingent upon procreation. Don't feel useless if you don't have a child.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by MsSchadenfreude

Your worth is not contingent upon procreation. Don't feel useless if you don't have a child.

This too.

I even felt worthless as well because I couldn't give my daughter a sibling. Everyone would suggest it was time for one, like it's a crime to have an only child. I did want a sibling for her, but considering all her sensory issues and difficult parenting (though I do not blame the meds or breastfeeding on Cymbalta for her personality; she was born that way, it was evident from the beginning). I think she would have been the same no matter what I did.

People (i.e., extended family) acted as if I was doing her a disservice not having another child (though I tried and couldn't, which really sucked for me). I even pointed out my grandmother was an only child, very strange for a farm family during the Great Depression, and my paternal grandmother had difficulty having children as well and was only one of two kids. So it could even be inherited.

But my daughter has 5 cousins (I actually have none), 3 of them girls, and they all get along. I am hoping her cousins will be good lifelong friends if they stay in touch and are able to see each other. And my oldest nephew (in 8th grade, daughter is in 5th) is great with her, actually with all people that I can see. He took after my sister in being an extrovert and people person.