[Victoria'smom]

How do I dig my husband out of his “ditch”? I don’t want to lose him. I want to give him the space to go through this plus he’s angry as hell so being around him isn’t the most fun but I need him to survive this. I’m going through my own **** too. I’d feel better if he was in therapy but that’s impossible right now. We’re on really shaky ground. Honestly if Miguel was younger we would have sent him to my in laws because we both are going down fast.

Possible trigger:

My husband wants to go visit his family in a couple of days. It has crossed my mind that it maybe a “good bye” trip. I don’t want to say no. There will be a lot of stress there. It will effect Miguel’s schooling (he only can miss 2 days and he’s already missed one). He’s isolating himself and it feels like he hates me. He isn’t/won’t take meds as far as I know. Anything I say/ask is “accusing” him. He’s already told me he wants to die or just walk away.

All I can do is tell him I need him. Anything else I can do? He didn’t get out of bed until 9:30 pm because he was hungry. It sucks because he’ll be laughing watching things in the other room and it makes me feel it’s me not him.

I have my own sui thoughts, along with thought jumping and just a weird mood. I’m trying to take it min by min. I’m not going to tell him to hide anything because he’s already burdened enough. We’re both being pulled apart both from each other and by depression. What can I do so we don’t fall apart as a couple?

In the back of my mind I have ex T saying “You’re not the professional. If you act like you are you’ll lose him.” What would help you bring you back from the darkness. When do I really worry.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I dont have great answers for you but you need to tell him if you still care about him, thats major in keeping the relationship as alright as possible even if its rocky right now. All I see in this post is that you need him and that is different than caring if he is ok because you care about him.

Please don't take that the wrong way, this is your only post I have read lately so I could be getting the wrong impression as I dont know what your relationship is really like or what exactly you have said to him.

Im really sorry you are dealing with those thoughts at the same time as you are dealing with him having trouble. When my husband went through a really bad time I was luckily stable.

Maybe try spending some time in bed if possible just talking to him about other things and see if you can move to your concerns for him when it feels right. My husband and I have extremely open communication now so this might not work for you but when he started making comments that worried me I showed him a "suicide scale" I had found and he told me what number he was actually at. It let me know how bad it really was without him having to try to explain.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't need him. I want him. I care for him. He's my best friend and partner. I don't want him to hurt like he does. I wish I could take it away from him.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Make sure he knows that I think its probably the best thing you can do for now. I hope he lets you in. And make sure you take care of yourself

[Victoria'smom]

Why does depression isolate?
I always feel this will break us. We have no support (except here). Times like this I miss our WV team. I could write my T (hand letter so it didn't go into my file) being able to write it out and explain to someone who wont flip **** reading it and trusted me to do what I had to do to stay safe. If he had a T that we/I trusted I'd feel much better about how "dark" he has gotten. I guess we'll be looking for a team when we get better.

[~Christina]

Are you guys back in your apartment ? Just having to move immediately would have me in knots and make everything worse.

Can you negotiate?
If you agree to go visit his relatives, will he agree to go ip when you get back if he still feels this crushing depression.
Also, ask him to live for Miguel, if he can't live for himself. May sound like blackmail, but the damage in the wake of a suicide...what can I say. I've been there.

[Victoria'smom]

We've been in our house since the 31st. They fixed our ceiling and are making us replace the floor because of "prior damage" my opinion is it's we've been here 4 years it's normal ware and tear. So now we owe them a couple of hundred.

This is also when they screwed up our hud and wanted us to pay full amount. They then called and was wondering why they had a housing payment for us. Really we've been here for 4 years. So we have to call hud and have them fax some paperwork to the office. Then on Wednesday we have a hud inspection and our place is a wreck. The problem is both my husband and I don't have the will to clean.

[Victoria'smom]

Currently I'm just talking at him. I'll remind him though.

[Travelinglady]

((((Miguel'smom))) I'm so sorry about your husband's situation and hope he will get better soon.

Miguel'smom,

Sorry your situation is so stressful.

I understand that when we are depressed you end up thinking so negatively that anything you say just isn't that uplifting.

What about just hugging your husband for a long, long time every day. When I am depressed or anxious--hugs feels so good.

[Victoria'smom]

I'll try that.

[Sunflower123]

(((((Miguel’smom))))) I’m sorry you and your husband are having such a tough time. I hope you both feel better soon. Is IP or OIP an option? It sounds like he needs professional help to dig out of this depression. He may be so lost in his depression that he’s not hearing you right now.

Keep doing what you are doing...letting him know you love and support him, taking it minute by minute and taking good care of yourself. Hugging seems like a good idea as well. Thinking of you and your family.

[Victoria'smom]

He'll get offended if I mention IP or IOP because we have always dealt with these things at home. IOP isn't an option because we can't even get a ride to the store. We don't have the money for bus passes for the month. Most likely he won't go. We're trying to get the car fixed tomorrow.

He's so angry and uncaring.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry to hear that. It has to be really tough for you. Do you have a tdoc or pdoc that could provide guidance in this situation? It’s good that you are getting your car fixed.

[Victoria'smom]

I only see my pdoc 3x a year. I think the next time I see her is in end of January or beginning of February. I don't have a Tdoc.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

We've been in our house since the 31st. They fixed our ceiling and are making us replace the floor because of "prior damage" my opinion is it's we've been here 4 years it's normal ware and tear. So now we owe them a couple of hundred.

This is also when they screwed up our hud and wanted us to pay full amount. They then called and was wondering why they had a housing payment for us. Really we've been here for 4 years. So we have to call hud and have them fax some paperwork to the office. Then on Wednesday we have a hud inspection and our place is a wreck. The problem is both my husband and I don't have the will to clean.

Just take it "Bird by Bird". (That's a book about a girl who had a paper due soon about a bunch of types of birds and her dad says "Just take it bird by bird".)

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Miquel'smom)))) I'm so sorry you and your husband are struggling. You're already being wonderful by supporting him and caring for him. Keep doing that

[Victoria'smom]

I texted him his options: IP, IOP, or T. We'll see. I'm not going to ask him about it again. He knows his option but he's stuck in his head. Communication has broken down to the point we're just texting each other.

[MickeyCheeky]

Let's hope everything will go well...

[liveforsummer]

sending lots of hugs

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I only see my pdoc 3x a year. I think the next time I see her is in end of January or beginning of February. I don't have a Tdoc.

Call the pdoc and talk with her then do as recommended.

[Victoria'smom]

Do I call anyway even if he doesn't want to go in? We can't go in. I'm not even sure he's taking his current medication. He kinda just doesn't care anymore. I don't think he's taking his asthma meds or blood pressure meds either. He's just done. I just need him to survive.

[~Christina]

Are you back in your apartment yet?

[Victoria'smom]

Are you back in your apartment yet? Yes we are. So I've been on my proper doses of my medication for a couple of days.