[Daonnachd]

I love my T; been with her for more than 10 years. (I'm not sure exactly how long thanks to ECT.) Lately she has been hinting that I'm not pushing myself hard enough, that I'm not persevering through difficulty. She asks me what sorts of things I'm watching for in myself to consider myself ready to move to a full-time job. For my part, I've told her I've lost most of my memory, that my professional mind is long since destroyed. I have no hope in getting back to a teaching position.

I don't know what I'm asking you here. Perhaps you have an idea of how I can talk to her about how her stance is making me feel? A month ago I felt like I should be hospitalised, for example, and she's talking about extending the interval between ECT treatments. How do I convey my struggle?

[downandlonely]

Not sure if I can advise you on that, but I'm sorry your T seems to think you're not trying hard enough. It sounds to me like you are doing what you need to do to take care of your mental health. Not everyone can hold down a full-time job.

It sounds like you did try to explain. Sorry she doesn't seem to get it.

I've read that studies show that patients feel therapists over-estimate how much they are helping and that patients also feel that therapists under-estimate how much pain they are in. Sounds like you and your therapists are fitting this pattern, sorry to say.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I love my T; been with her for more than 10 years. (I'm not sure exactly how long thanks to ECT.) Lately she has been hinting that I'm not pushing myself hard enough, that I'm not persevering through difficulty. She asks me what sorts of things I'm watching for in myself to consider myself ready to move to a full-time job. For my part, I've told her I've lost most of my memory, that my professional mind is long since destroyed. I have no hope in getting back to a teaching position.

Does she have experience beyond you in working with ECT patients? Why would she say something negative like you are not 'persevering'? That is akin to "you're not trying hard enough". HOW many times have we been told that??
"try harder"
"If you only.."
" You should"
"why dont you"
"How come you"
When is the last time you worked? What made you stop working? I do not know much about how ECT works but it would seem like it is something you have to get used to, and have very understanding coworkers and mangers. Your memory gets affected and right now treatment with ECT outweighs the ability to work. It may not be that way forever but right now its what works for you.

I don't know what I'm asking you here. Perhaps you have an idea of how I can talk to her about how her stance is making me feel? A month ago I felt like I should be hospitalised, for example, and she's talking about extending the interval between ECT treatments. How do I convey my struggle?

Is she an ECT expert? Someone who can make a professional observation on having more time between treatments? Personally I would be pissed if this were me. I would be so hurt and angry if my T said these things. I do not know how you process during sessions but I recommend you write her a letter and either give it to her on your way out or read it to her. Just so that you can have your thoughts organized and not leave anything out.

[Wander]

I tend to agree with sarahsweets. Your T is not taking into account the impact ECT has on our physical minds. Memory for one is significantly effected. I know this from experience. You have had regular, maintenance ECT - TO SURVIVE - yet she thinks you can simply go back to a full-time teaching position? She really needs some education, and/or better communication skills. Perhaps in the next session try to explain the serious, long-term effects on one ECT, not to mention the huge amount you have had. Then ask her how she expects you to 'push' yourself exactly. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere or something, but F/T work is out of the Q at this point.

I must agree with the above responses. I have had ECT in the past and can't imagine working full-time through it or immediately after it. Not even part-time unless it was fully flexible and there would be understanding about my situation. If I was in your place, I'd want to ask the therapist to give ECT a try herself before pushing such agressive expectations.

Hugs

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

If I was in your place, I'd want to ask the therapist to give ECT a try herself before pushing such agressive expectations.

I like this.
I do believe there are times when a T needs to get a bit tough with their client. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
I also like sarahsweets idea of writing something out. How do you feel about that? Do you think it might help?

As far as full time work goes, I've been stable for a considerable time now, have never had ECT and even so, know that full time work would be too much. And certainly in anything that is stressful. I don't think hers is a reasonable expectation, given your circumstances. You seem to have good insight, so you are the best judge of what you can handle.

About conveying your struggle, maybe write down some basic things that are problematic for you. Perhaps then point out how that would impact a demanding job situation. Be careful though. I don't want you to get down on yourself. You're wonderful just as you are.

[Daonnachd]

downandlonely, thank you for your support. Your words help me feel I'm not standing here by myself.
whatever2013, what an interesting study. We definitely fit that pattern.
sarahsweets, she's not working with any other ECT patients as far as I know. She's not an expert on ECT. I am working part-time though, so she may feel that if I'm doing that, then why not full time. (I work 12 hours per week with zero social interaction some days. I basically sit and wait for the phone to ring. Not much stress. :-) ) The letter is a good idea. I think it's time I write her.
Wander, you've got a good idea in that I should ask her how to push myself or judge my readiness.
BirdDancer, thank you for the affirmation. To clarify, I'm working Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, so I get ECT on Friday, have all weekend to recuperate, and though a little loopy on that Tuesday, I manage to hold things together. I think talking about "working" with her I've given her the impression that I'm tougher than I am.

Thank you, all of you, for the help in this. It's scary to confront her because she's such a wonderful aide and teacher in coping. I need to do it though because this has impacted our relationship. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Daonnachd]

Innerzone, you posted while I was writing. Please don't think I ignored you. Writing down some basic things that would be problematic with a full-time job is a great idea. I get flustered when I need to think on my feet (one of the things that complicates work) so having it prepared when it's time to talk with my T would help tons.