Should I leave him?

I'm not sure how to use this forum, really, nor do I have a specific question. I guess I'm just desperate to identify with someone else who has my problem or see if anyone has any advice for me.

I am bi polar and my husband is extremely sensitive now even though he wasn't when we met. I have always been honest with him about my condition and he used to deal with it well and quite often diffuse my mania. However, he had a nervous break down while I was attending an intense education program last year.

Because I was never home, he kind of stopped being my husband and made a life for himself while i was busy. In return, I felt abandoned and betrayed, especially after finding out he had been making angry comments about me on another forum.

In turn, pushed him away for 9 months. Now I've graduated and we can barely get through a week without disagreeing about big things. Things are all over the map, though. We are incredibly close most times and then other times it's like he's a different person.

What's worse is that, while I am not violent or a threat, (I'm mostly a yeller) my grumpiness and unwillingness at times has convinced my husband that I need psychotherapy and medication. My past with medication has left me fearful of trying it again so it hurts my feelings that he wants me to drug myself and I've told him this.

I have reluctantly agreed to the psychotherapy and I let go of all the things that didn't go well--even some of the unacceptable behavior that began in him. For example, he began collecting pornography and has told me he no longer wants to have children with me.

He also went and gossiped with my brother-in-law about our marriage and my illness which sent rumors through my family and now I'm not allowed to see my nieces and nephews.

I have forgiven him for these things and gained control over most of my behavior issues but it's never enough. Whenever I get upset about every day things or feel a little blue, no matter how rational I am, he assumes I'm having an episode and immediately becomes defensive.

He has told me that he can do fine without me but won't leave me.
I understand that being my husband requires a lot of patience--which is why I chose this man. But now the only time we have fun together or get along is when I am doing all his bidding--cleaning, cooking, sex. I feel like a mail order bride and I feel like I can't be myself. I don't know what to do about it. And I want to have kids.

If you have any helpful words, spill em.

Hi, OnceMore, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

What do you want to do? If he doesn't want to have kids, is wrecking your relationships and communication between you and your family and is no longer pleasant, much less very supportive, I would not want to stay with him.

It sounds like, for the marriage to work, you would need marriage counseling, both of you together, not just you. If you don't want to take meds you certainly don't have to but they're not just for zombieing out, they can actually help you feel better if you get the right combination, which is often hard work.

I would do something good for yourself, start thinking about what you want and how much work you want to put into this marriage if it doesn't look like your husband is willing to do the same? I'd see if I could sit and talk to him in an open way about the marriage, without any blame going back and forth and just see what you can learn about what you both want, individually and perhaps together.

Welcome to PC. And I agree with Perna (I need to get a stamp that says that!).

You need to sit down and honestly talk about what each of you would like from your marriage. No arguments, just honest communication. Good luck.