[251turnaround]

I think I have to accept that at this point, I'm a self-absorbed jerk. I think I'm too important. I'm admitting it, and I feel bad about this but I can't help the feeling.

The reason I'm posting this is because it's gotten worse since my last episode. I have no social anxiety anymore. I think I'm soo awesome I can do anything. I mentioned this before but I, a freaking socially anxious stay at home person went up on stage without any anxiety and thought I owned the stupid show.

What is going on? This has gotten worse in the past two weeks and only seems to be getting worse. I'm becoming more reckless and impulsive as well which is concerning.

Am I just becoming an irresponsible jerk?

It sounds like me when I'm hypo/manic. So awesome, so fearless, so hilarious (so obnoxious, lol). So... I don't think you're an irresponsible jerk, just sounds like you're heading up.

It reminds me of a time I went to a party with some of my ex-H's friends and their friends. So I knew maybe half the people there. I'm usually quite shy. But I was chumming it up with people I didn't even LIKE(!), loudly cracking jokes etc, pretty obnoxious, really. I TOTALLY would have gone up on a stage! (The very next day I crashed, and had to be dragged out to an event and wouldn't talk to anyone (like headphones, don't look at me, don't talk to me kind of thing). Yeah, people noticed and wondered what my deal was, because it was like night and day. It was the BP, not my personality.)

Part of what makes symptoms symptoms is that they are a departure from your usual personality.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((251turnaround)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. No, I don't think you're a jerk. It's most likely your disorder who's causing this behavior.

[251turnaround]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

It sounds like me when I'm hypo/manic. So awesome, so fearless, so hilarious (so obnoxious, lol). So... I don't think you're an irresponsible jerk, just sounds like you're heading up.

It reminds me of a time I went to a party with some of my ex-H's friends and their friends. So I knew maybe half the people there. I'm usually quite shy. But I was chumming it up with people I didn't even LIKE(!), loudly cracking jokes etc, pretty obnoxious, really. I TOTALLY would have gone up on a stage! (The very next day I crashed, and had to be dragged out to an event and wouldn't talk to anyone (like headphones, don't look at me, don't talk to me kind of thing). Yeah, people noticed and wondered what my deal was, because it was like night and day. It was the BP, not my personality.)

Part of what makes symptoms symptoms is that they are a departure from your usual personality.

See, I thought I might be headed for hypomania, but I don't have any energy or euphoria like I usually get and I've been like this for over a week now.

Could I still be "heading up" after all this time?

[Blueberrybook]

Sounds like you have hypomania and are heading for mania. Are you sleeping OK? Might be time to call the pdoc.

I've been on meds so long, I don't know my usual personality. I sort of judge by what I was like before meds and before the ED, but that puts me as a high school senior (and I still was depressed & unhappy with my appearance, just not on meds).

[251turnaround]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Sounds like you have hypomania and are heading for mania. Are you sleeping OK? Might be time to call the pdoc.

I've been on meds so long, I don't know my usual personality. I sort of judge by what I was like before meds and before the ED, but that puts me as a high school senior (and I still was depressed & unhappy with my appearance, just not on meds).

I am sleeping very well. I'm actually getting about 9-10 hours of sleep each night.

Unfortunately, I'm kind of in between pdocs at the moment. I meet with my new one next week, however.

Hmmm, maybe. You do mention a couple other symptoms -- increased impulsivity and recklessness. Any others? Urge to spend money? Irritability/impatience with people? Increased "rarr" (lol, amorousness). Racing thoughts? Hallucinations maybe??

Maybe you're having a spell of increased confidence. I know mine varies quite a bit (goes down as rumination goes up.)

[251turnaround]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Hmmm, maybe. You do mention a couple other symptoms -- increased impulsivity and recklessness. Any others? Urge to spend money? Irritability/impatience with people? Increased "rarr" (lol, amorousness). Racing thoughts? Hallucinations maybe??

Maybe you're having a spell of increased confidence. I know mine varies quite a bit (goes down as rumination goes up.)

None of that stuff. Just the confidence.

I'm basically acting like I'm drunk. I can't help it.

[pirilin]

I never read the threads. I reply to the heading.
I liked you called a disorder. Not an illness.
I see it as a condition.

Our disorder is who we are.

They couldn't divide the atom either.
Until they could.

If it's important to you, go ahead. Spend years reseaching.
Can you separate oil and vinegar after mixed, yes you can.
But the price in precious time determines to throw it away.

We have very little time here.
I was eighteen last week.
forty nine yesterday.
Sixty eight today, and dead tomorrow.

Cheers.

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I never read the threads. I reply to the heading.
I liked you called a disorder. Not an illness.
I see it as a condition.

Our disorder is who we are.

They couldn't divide the atom either.
Until they could.

If it's important to you, go ahead. Spend years reseaching.
Can you separate oil and vinegar after mixed, yes you can.
But the price in precious time determines to throw it away.

We have very little time here.
I was eighteen last week.
forty nine yesterday.
Sixty eight today, and dead tomorrow.

Cheers.

Damn, I've been saying the same thing about bipolar. All my life, I've been easily bored and constantly learning new things. I'm also great at problem solving and capable of doing multiple different things at once. I get irritated and angry very easy when people are stupid and arrogant. It wasn't until 2 years ago that the Dr informed me that I'm suffering from bipolar disorder. I honestly feel no different than before since taking meds. I'm 38 and met a friend that's also bipolar. I've never felt such a connection and I'm absolutely in love with her. Too bad I'm just a friend and nothing more. I'd like to meet others like myself since its quite astonishing how I feel around her. I dont have friends by my choice and I'm annoyed by them and there ideas of fun.