[msinfiniti]

I've heard that bi-polar can be so severe that one can make a major life decision, put a plan into action, and then change their mind weeks, even months later and try to stop the plan they put in motion. Is this true and does it also happen with people who take regular meds, engage in weekly therapy, and claim that they are doing great, feeling better than ever, and know exactly what they want?

My husband has told me twice now in the past 5 months that he wants a divorce. He put the plan into action and then 2 months later came to me asking for forgiveness and another chance. I took him back and a now 4 weeks later he has decided he wants the divorce again. He claims he has contacted his lawyer and that he is apparently finished with me.

I am so distraught I cannot even function. I'm not even the one who is bi-polar and I feel more mentally ill than ever. I've recently tried to take my life, I cannot stop emailing and texting my husband, and all I do is cry. I cry all day long and it is literally making me sick.

I know that some of you already know my story and have offered your opinions and great advice, but I cannot help but dwell on this.

Believe it or not, I actually just signed up for one of those stupid dating websites hoping that getting out on a few dates will help me get over my hurt. I've already gotten a few replys from men who seem to be very nice and attractive, but I honestly don't even want to go out with anyone. I am forcing myself to do it though because I am literally going crazy just sitting here crying everyday over my sick hubby.

I don't want to lose him. I love him so much it pains me to no end. I am lost and I don't know what to do. If the day comes when I have to sit with my husband and his lawyer I don't know that I will be able to handle it. I am a mess.

[darkeyes]

I know you are hurting and maybe even confused, but for your own sanity, don't get into dating till your divorce goes through, I personally feel that will complicate things more, it's all too soon in my own opinion.
If you haven't already, see if you can get some counseling with this.
This is so hard, cause I really do not know what it's like on your end, but maybe the divorce will be necessary, I mean how long can you keep up with this, marriage on and then marriage off, etc.
Not to sound cold, but you really need to think of yourself at this point, and maybe being single just might be the answer for both of you.
It sounds like this back and fourth stuff has gone on for a long time, you may have to free yourself for your own survival.
I've told this to my sister-in-law who has gone through way too much with my brother who is Bipolar-I, I've told her there has to be a point where her survival is important.
He's made things to the point that her family won't visit them cause of my brother's tantrums, he's made it known he doesn't want us to visit either.
In the past he'll ask for forgivness and claims he won't do or say the hurtful things, we'd fall for it, drive down to see him only to be verbally abused and accused of things we've never said to him.
I've forgiven him for stuff since I was a kid, and this year, during the time my grandmother was dieing, his tantrums convinced me to tell him it's in the past but I do not think I can go on forgiving him forever,the excuses get played out after and we all have our lives and wish to live the short years ahead of us in peace.
He had been on Lithium for over 35 years and did great, but last year his meds had to be switched due to a kidney problem, since then the various alternative mood stabilizers haven't been as great as the Lithium, since July I've seen some improvment while he's on Tegratol and Zyprexa, but I hate to say this, he's not the same as when he was doing so good with what was our miracle med, Lithium, which had given him normalcy for so many years.
I pray he'll eventually get back to a good place in his mind, but till then I'm cautious with heart, I need to protect myself from further hurt.
Sure I'll let things pass, but deep in my heart I will never trust my heart to him, soooooooooooo, I keep on a friendly basis but no longer bending over backwards to only be set up for being hurt.
Sorry for this long rambling, but what I guess I'm trying to say, is now consider your own well being first.
I hope some counseling can help you in future decisions.
He also needs to have an honest relationship with his pdoc, he needs to be compliant with mood stabilization, otherwise things will only worsen.
It's not uncommon that they can be cunning and try to convince their pdoc that "everything is fine", and though difficult that is where it is important for you to try to talk with his pdoc and/or therapist.
My sister-in-law finally persued getting involved like that and things are working,slowly but looks promising.
My brother was also asking her for a divorce (and if I were her I would of agreed) but after he finally comitted himself and worked through meds and stuff with the doc, he was more rational once he came home from the hospital and now both go to pdoc appts together. She even joined up with a support group.
I hope you will find peace with whatever you decide.
Take care now,
DE

[msinfiniti]

You know, my husband was on Lithium and it worked wonders for him. The only problem was that he was drinking heavily at the time and would always get sick after a night on a bender.....so.....he quit taking his meds and then he ended up in the hospital 3 months later finally with the bipolar diagnosis.

Right now he is on Lexapro for depression and Lamictal for mania. I personally don't think its enough or its the wrong stuff for him, but if I contacted his pdoc he would flip out. Especially, now that he wants a divorce.....again.

You are right though about taking care of myself right now. I am trying very hard and I'm in therapy twice a week and it does help some. The problem with me and my therapy is that I always feel great right afterwards because my therapist is great and always says the most poignant things, but then the next day or two days later I am back to feeling like crap and crying non-stop.

I just need to get my head on straight and stop spending so much of my time being consumed by my husband, my marriage, and what MIGHT happen. I need to start thinking about the NOW.

LOL....I just came home from therapy. I need to hold onto this attitude.

Thanks,
Laura

[darkeyes]

Lamictal really isn't as effective for mania as other mood stabilizers, it is better for the depressive end of Bipolar, in fact Lamictal caused my brother's mania to escalate this summer, which his pdoc weaned him off after a few months of being on it, once my brother went to the hospital, they started him on Tegratol and Zyprexa, so far my sister-in-law claims he's tame enough to live with again.
Anti-depressants are usually a "no no" for those with Bipolar with tendency of mania, cause the AD's can actually spark and fuel mania. I'd say the Lexapro and Lamictal are probably just fueling your husband's mania.
If at all possible,get a 2nd opinion from another pdoc, or confront his about possible alternatives, such as Tegratol,Depakote,etc. also he may need something combined, like an anti-psychotic,tranquilizer and/or an anti-anxiety.
Just seems odd his pdoc doesn't see the present meds not mixing well for someone with Bipolar mania, cause it's almost a given that Lexapro and Lamictal will increase mania in those with severe Bipolar-I.
Maybe the Lamictal should be considered for the depressive end, and discontinue the Lexapro, and add a med in place for mania.
I'm not a pdoc, but just was thinking of what may be the culprit(s) here, after seeing what my brother and sister-in-law just went through, as well as others.
There are effective meds, it's just getting at the right combo and dosages that takes time and patience.
A reputable pdoc who is updated on meds, is also a huge factor in obtaining a balance.
My DX is Bipolar-II Mild, never really ever had mania, just deep depessions that anti-depressants stopped working on.
I'm on the lowest therapeutic dose and have had much sucess with it, now I'm just dealing with melancholia due to loss of loved ones and good old days. Entering menopause (waning hormones) plus thyroid disease is not helping me either, but I'll survive I guess, even my pdoc feels that is a major thing right now,menopause can suck.
I wish you lots of luck with this, and be kind to yourself.

[darkeyes]

** bumping this up cause I thought maybe my "reply" went by unnoticed, due to computer problems I had at my home recently.
Thanks for your patience